What is ickiest is accepting that it took two of us to get to this point. That he was done.
In my case.. I was pretty good and more than willing to accept the blame for our relationship until I heard the rumor about the girlfriend. So much of marriage parallels my relationship with my dad. Once I realized he still had sex with my mom AND did this crap to me, I was done. I was willing to be a sacrificial lamb until I realized it had no basis.
I literally said no in my mind, told him he would never touch me again.. and he never did. The fear stayed but the physical never returned.
I gotta get some of this mojo back. Instead of feeling hurt and defensive, I should stand tall and proud. I stayed in a marriage for all the right reasons. When a couple doesn't or won't work on rifts then sh*t happens.
Time to start walking and take off the "Imma Viktim" name tag.
I like the title. You have every reason to stand tall and proud - so do it! After the stuff people have sent your way, and the strength you have shown in dealing with it, you have nothing to be defensive about!
Me45 W35 M6 T8 D16 SD11 D0 Dec 07: Bomb July 08: Busted! Thread
I just read your beautiful story of your daughters birth. *tears of joy, mingled with my own memories of my own daughters birth*
I too never felt so special & beautiful as when I was pregnant. It's as if for once in my life, in my own eyes, I had value & worth, because I was carrying this precious life in me.
Thank you for sharing, & helping me take a moment to reflect on special days, & be grateful for daughters. (especially since I have my Ipod on to drown out the noise of my boys car racing video game).
hugs
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
...We have the Temporary Orders court date on Thursday. After reading Ready's thread, it sounds like I have to meet with spouse and his lawyer, be questioned...
Here is bit of advise:
FIRST: If opposing counsel ask you "Do you know what time it is?" You respond with "YES" or "NO". UNDERSTAND THIS !!!! IE give the shortest statement that answers the question. Make them dig for info if needed....No need to estimate, elaborate etc...
Second: Be prepared with questions/answers to the worst questions opposing could ask you. All the questions oppsing counsel asked me were then easy, and I had the hard ones answered already.
Third: My lawyer had all my questions/answers ready for me to review last Friday in a trial outline. (I wish it was sooner o well). I knew the answers already, but having the time to really think about the exact answers was good.
Forth: Dress really nice, stay calm cool collected, relax. (IE DB AWAY!) Smell nice! Get good sleep the night before, go for a good walk before bed.
*hugs and prayers*
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
My darling, Gypsy. I hope your silence is because you're recovering from your recent activities with the play (rather than sadness).
I miss you and think about you all the time. I think about how wise you are... and how strong you are... and beautiful. I think about how grateful I am to know you. You are extraordinary.
You have an appointment with your C tomorrow, yes? And Thursday is the Temporary Orders... have you checked with your lawyer?
Lots of love and big bear hugs, R
M: 37 H: 36 Married: Aug 13, 2004 Decision to Divorce: July 20, 2008 Reconciled: September 2008 Current: Ambivalence
Before I go into my tale of woe.. something very different happened today.
The Merritt Parkway is a known for its distinctive bridges and scenic layout with woods on either side and trees in the center. Each direction has two lanes. While driving back home on the parkway today, traffic came to a crawl then shuddering stop. It was hard to figure out what was wrong as I tried to jockey into the best position.
Imagine my surprise when I found that a tree had fallen over and blocked both lanes. We obviously weren't going anywhere, so I joined a group of people who were trying to break branches and shift the tree over so that at least one lane was passable. I was the fourth to join, followed by a few more guys (one with work gloves on!) Needless to say, dressed in my styling clothes made me wonder how much I could help, but I started pulling and tugging with the rest of them (Yes.. Good Samaritan Constructive Destruction!).
We thinned out the tree quite a bit and the guys were able to break enough off of the top that cars could just slither through one lane. That area has a six mile stretch with no exits. I'm just happy we didn't get stuck in that traffic jam. It looked like the tree had a very slow fall based on how the traffic gradually stopped.
When we got home, my daughter asked me.. "Was that your good deed for the day, Mom?"
