My H is creeping out of his MLC, but something happened that might be a catalyst to turn things around. It's so in his face, it will be very hard for him to continue his denial. I can only hope that this is God's way of working.
This week, my 16-year old D was training at work alone with a co-worker when he made some unwanted moves on her... kissing her on the face and holding her hand. He's a middle-aged bachelor living alone. She freaked, called her dad right away. I was on my first day of training for a new job myself, but she didn't call me.
Well, to make a long story short, finally the store supervisor understood the gravity of the situation - a freaked out teen, a more freaked-out dad and suspended the coworker indefinitely. My D had to face a management inquiry, present her statement and quit the job. They offered her six sessions with their counsellor, but I don't know what else. Her dad promised to keep me updated after his first call to me in months. His manner was pretty civilized, considering how little we talk.
A week has passed and I instead had to get the details from my D three days ago. He never called or emailed. What I suspect is that this incident has hit too close to home for him. I strongly suspect that something more serious had happened to him as a child or a pre-teen. For years I wasn't able to put things together, until we separated. I buried myself in all kinds of counselling and psychology books and began to understand that I had missed a lot of indications that he had been sexually abused long ago.
I think this is just one piece of the MLC puzzle - unfinished or business never dealt with properly by him and his parents. While it was a very unpleasant experience for our D, it might become the first opening to H's self-awareness. There is a lot of baggage, but I can't help but think this is the biggest incident that has crippled much of his adult life and M.
Has anyone had to deal with a S who might have been in the same boat? I realize their behaviour is so deeply rooted in a dysfunctional past, but this is what can really cause severe depression, addictions - sexual and other, low self-esteem and contribute vastly to other facets of MLC behaviours.
Now I feel I want to do more than detach, but is it the right thing to do???
H:55 M:54 D:16 M:1983 A#2:11/05 I moved out:09/06 A ended:01/08, new A started 05/08 D: tbc - sometimes this fall??
"You did what you knew how to do. When you knew better, you did better" - Maya Angelou
R I have read some and heard MLC could be caused by unfinished childhood issues My H definitely had a dyfunctional past He started some therapy -Inner child years ago went for a while and stopped I think he only scraped the surface of his past Even if this is the real reason for MLC , it tells me they have to reopen the past problem is it is a painful journey going back I know cause Ive done it maybe that is why so many do not return anything would be better than inner child work so H continue to un blindly into night..hoping the pain was really just thei M maybe some are sucessful at running and denial while others are miserable forever still unable to do the work maybe few will actually seek C and do it prace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
Be careful when making assumptions like you made. You are making up a story to fit your preconceived notions of what MLC might be. Being unhappy with a spouse could be a root cause of MLC.
I caution you also to see this as a sign that he is coming out of mlc. Sometimes it can push them further in. It might be too painful for him to want to deal with.
Detaching further is a good idea. Help your d get through this now as well.
