Cuz.. it's working!! Short story - stbx and ow have been together for about two years and we are in the midst of what started out as a somewhat agreeable d. As time has gone on, though it has turned extremely ugly. Partly me I'm sure since it makes me sick that they are exposing children to their adulterous lifestyle.
But, do I not have a right to be po'd when he wheels up w/ow to take D4 for the weekend? No warning at all that SHE will be along. Just as if it's completely normal. This after he refused to do one thing on the house we are trying to sell - he says he doesn't live there so why should he!.. umm.. how about because you want to present in the best possible way.. Who is this man anyway???
Is he trying to make me hate him before we finalize things?? Does he really think I'm going to agree with everything he wants just because he is screaming at me and bullying me?? Did I really marry this person? How can someone actually say ILY one day (not that I believed it) and all of a sudden be sooo against you the next? Do these WAS always act so irrational and goofy?
I have lived with this sort of weird/hatred/are you kidding me/behavior for more than 2 years now.
Number 1- Keep your expectations of him doing anything remotely "normal" at zero.
It will keep you sane.
Number 2- detach. Blech. I have a love/hate relationship with detaching, but it has saved my life, and my so called sanity.
Number 3- Boundaries. Not easy. Especially if your STBX is anything like the bully my X is.
I am blessed enough to have 8 brothers that will pay him a visit when he gets to looney.
I know that X lives with OW, well GF i call her now, and has practically adopted her 3 children
That is all well and fine, I also know that my children spent all of their time with her and her kids and my X when they go to visit.
That is all well and fine.
I also know that I have NO control what so ever as to what happens when my children are there.
When is comes to my home, and my driveway, and our family parties and things of that nature. The OW is not allowed to come.
She knows it too.
If my children one day tell me, Mom we want Susan to come, then I am sure after I stomp my feet and have a fit, that I would say ok.
But as long as my children don't want her anywhere near any thing having to do with me or our family. She does not come.
May this change? Well um yes, have come to the conlusion that everytime i think something is set in stone, it is not.
So I would say have a list of reasonable boundaries.
If you can discuss this with him rationally, then please by all means do so.
If he is anything like My X (bless your heart, if he is) Then call in back up if you have any.
Be respectful and mature in your way of talking about it.
Make sure that this is not just b/c of jealousy and ranting, and all that jazz..
It took me a very long time to distinguish the 2
My being a brat, or what is best for the surroundings of my children and my family, and myelf.
I wish you luck and "strongs" as my grandmother used to say.
Let him be the idiot, you make sure to always take the high road, even when you have a book of matches in your hands and lighting him on fire would bring joy.
Think of your child and do the right thing.
HUGS
Last edited by Lissie; 07/26/0806:52 PM.
Live Simply Love Generously Care Deeply Speak Kindly Leave the rest to God
Wow, Lissie you are so mature!!! The OW is allowed around my house only if she has a death wish!!!!
Hi, Olive, I don't know the answer to your ?. My H used to act like that all the time, hateful and jerky too. Now he alternates between hateful/jerk and somewhat nice/friendly (is he crazy or is he trying to make me crazy???). Maybe somebody else can explain weird WAS behavior--it mystifies me!!! Karen
Thanks for stopping by Lissie. I agree with Karen - you sound waaay more mature than I feel most days.
Originally Posted By: Lissie
Make sure that this is not just b/c of jealousy and ranting, and all that jazz..
It took me a very long time to distinguish the 2
I sometimes have a hard time with this and ask myself what my motive is.. sometimes it's just to be hurtful/spiteful, etc... Hard to not feel the victim sometimes.
Originally Posted By: Lissie
Think of your child and do the right thing.
This is what I always try to fall back on. .What is best for her. I know what it is and things are going to get ugly because I'm willing to fight for it.. but, I'm scared to death!
NO.. I'm not doing ok.. MY H has left me for another woman and I am in the midst of a custoday battle.... So, I have to say that my life is not great right now..
But, enough crying about it. My M is dead and over. Ok.. stbxh.. I don't care about what you are doing any longer. Just don't bring ow around me and act like all is fine for the three of us to interact. She's an idiot.. I don't have to talk to her.. I dont' even have to look at her if I don't want to..
I just read on another thread about a stbx and ow going to mc together. Mine's doing the same thing.. Craziness.. I guess they want to give their new R the best chance to "make it". Whatever.. I'm over it.. Just please let me have my daughter and get out of my life!!
[quote=mcojhI just read on another thread about a stbx and ow going to mc together. Mine's doing the same thing.. Craziness..
It's like they realize their R is doomed but trying to avoid the iceberg like Titanic or something (and we all know what happened there). OK, who do you think is crazier: the H and OW getting counseling or the counselor who would actually give them counseling???? Karen
Oh I know Karen.. I can't help but wonder about this C. But, I guess some will counsel anyone on anything. Then again, who knows what stbx actually told the C!
