Walk-away-wife folow -up #2

[Very Scared 54]

Well I just got off the phone a couple hours ago with my DB couch (first time). It went real well, but I have some questions for some out there that as or is facing the some of the same problems.

1. My WAW just is 50 y.o.a. She has she not going thru MLC. Will this make a deferens in the way I approach things with her?
2. Will this take DB take longer with her in the type of hormonal stress?
3. Any ideas how I can start with some friendly contacts? (We are separated)
a. Should I email her and asked if she is having a good day or is this pursuing?
b. Should I wait until she emails and start a dialog and work with that?
4. I talk to my Therapist yesterday and she hadn’t read or knows anything about DB or DR. I made the statement to her yesterday,” If we had admitted to the problems years ago, we may have been able to work them out. She said or would have gotten a divorce soon.” I don’t know but dose it sound like she is on D kick?
5. Should I look for another Therapist? I have been told that there may not be a DB Therapist in my area.

Any help or idea will be appreciated!

[upside_downer]

[quote=Very Scared 54]

3. Any ideas how I can start with some friendly contacts? (We are separated)

For the time being, it's better to let her initiate the contact. Anything you do (email, call, letter) will be seen as you initiating. One of the things that many WAW's talk about is PRESSURE. The more of it you add to them, the farther away they want to get.

a. Should I email her and asked if she is having a good day or is this pursuing?

No. This is pursuing.

b. Should I wait until she emails and start a dialog and work with that?

If she emails, keep it light. No R talk. Friendly, interested conversation. Also, be the one to end the conversation. It's part of showing that you are busy, and have things to do because you are GAL, right?

4. I talk to my Therapist yesterday and she hadn’t read or knows anything about DB or DR. I made the statement to her yesterday,” If we had admitted to the problems years ago, we may have been able to work them out. She said or would have gotten a divorce soon.” I don’t know but dose it sound like she is on D kick?

Did you read DR/DB? There is a different approach with DB'ing because it is solution-based. Your therapist probably has a traditional degree. You should re-read that part for a better understanding of the difference so you can decide if the therapist is offering you the help you seek. Something you might want to ask yourself: "Is my sitch improving, and is the therapy I'm getting helping me?" Remember - you should do things for yourself. That's what this is about.

5. Should I look for another Therapist? I have been told that there may not be a DB Therapist in my area.

See above. Only you can answer this.

[Very Scared 54]

Thanks for the feedback. Yes, I am re-reading DB/DR.