The ball is rolling. I am still praying for my marriage but I take solice in the fact that there may be someone better for me out there and if not I can be ok on my own. I am still madly in love with my husband. How do I let go?
Posts Role Reversal(original) WAW now LBS part I & II WAW now LBS part III(current) T: 9 yrs M: 8 yrs WAW: Sep 06-Jul 07 LBS: Sep 07-pres.
hey there, welcome. Acceptance is the hardest part, to accept that what was once/could've been is now gone, but that is the thing you must focus on. I highly recommend "the spiritual divorce" it will help you to use the D as a tool to propel to new heights emotionally/spiritually.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
What I found most helpful was GAL GAL GAL GAL. Stay busy, keep your mind occupied. It's hard to let go of those old hopes and dreams but eventually acceptance creeps in as a new and exciting future slowly reveils itself.
ALL
"Life may not be the party we hoped for... but while we are here we might as well dance!"
Maybe you're not ready to let it go and that's ok. What you can do is be kind to yourself and find what makes you at peace and happy. You have no control over what he does or doesn't do, so the energy wasted on what he's doing or thinking is just that, wasted.
Whatever happens is going to happen. Surround yourself with people who love you and matter. Take a class, a vacation, or try something that you've always wanted to try. You ARE responsible for your own happiness.
The upside is that who knows how your husband will look at this new and improved you. Nothing is as attractive as a truly happy person, but if that isn't what he wants, you still will come out of this a winner!
Thanks all. I am a work in progress. I am enjoying life but not fully there. Everything in my life is changing, beyond more than the D, and it is a lot to take in. Thanks again for taking the time to respond.
Posts Role Reversal(original) WAW now LBS part I & II WAW now LBS part III(current) T: 9 yrs M: 8 yrs WAW: Sep 06-Jul 07 LBS: Sep 07-pres.
I feel that GAL is the main thing to do to move on, but for me I had to do more. Some of the things I did were symbolic, to help my subconscious realize that it was really "over" after 20 years.
Some of the symbolic things:
1. Tore up a picture of H and Me
2. Walked a labyrinth while meditating on "giving up" my R w/ H when I reached the center, and then meditating on "moving on" as I moved back toward the edge.
3. I started a release journal and wrote in it every day. While writing I wrote until I felt like I had no more to write for that session. I wrote things like "I release anger" "I am moving on" "I release pain" "I release attachment"...I would then burn the pages in my fireplace and imagine all my pain and disappointment going up the chimney with the smoke.
4. Really tried to support my changes by taking excellent care for myself. Yoga, massage, plenty of rest and plenty of girlfriend time.
You get the picture!
SG
Survival Goddess "The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don't have any." -Alice Walker
Hi Hopeful We are neighbors! I am down south just a tad.
The GAL thing works wonders, its hard at first, last thing you wanna do is get out there, but it really does help. Little things even. I met new people at work the job itself wasnt great but what it did for me was a lifesaver!
Surronding yourself w/ family/friends if you can, again , the best. I like SG suggestion, Tear up pics of the two of you LOL I did that too, but kept a few , knew there would be a time, it would feel ok to look at those pics.
Bethie is so right on, a happy person is attractive to everyone- make yourself happy however that is and come here! THIS place is the best for being and feeling however you want
((( H )))
Be Happy for this Moment, This Moment is your Life
What I found most helpful was GAL GAL GAL GAL. Stay busy, keep your mind occupied. It's hard to let go of those old hopes and dreams but eventually acceptance creeps in as a new and exciting future slowly reveils itself.
ALL,
Very good points........ The biggest part of my GAL post D was to meet different women..... It was VERY refreshing to see there were actually normal and sane women out there....... They were unlike my exW.....
Oh, yeah..... One of the funniest things was one of my single male coworkers LOVED hearing about the ladies I met..... He said, "I could NEVER do that. I just want to live vicariously through you." Of course, he meant meeting all of the ladies.... It never went beyond that.... I was a true gentleman....
NMD
"Chains do not hold a marriage together. It is threads, hundreds of tiny threads which sew people together through the years. That is what makes a marriage last --more than passion or even sex!" - Simone Signoret
My 10yr high school reunion is at the end of next month. I know that several of my classmates have recently married and several more have been married for some time. My graduating class was very small, about 65+. I have decided to go to reconnect with old friends and perhaps make some new ones. My best friend and many of my other good friends will not be attending nor will I be inviting a "date". Everyone knows that I am married so I am worried about having to tell them all we are no longer together; not to mention the stigma attached to being a potential divorcee.
I find that I receive one of two responses from the people when I tell them. Both make me feel as if I have just admitted to having a terminal illness. I either get looks of fear, as if they can "catch it", or a look and expression of pity. I don't want anyone to think of me as a failure or feel sorry for me. I feel compelled to explain the details of my sitch although I know I shouldn't have to. How do I approach this?
Posts Role Reversal(original) WAW now LBS part I & II WAW now LBS part III(current) T: 9 yrs M: 8 yrs WAW: Sep 06-Jul 07 LBS: Sep 07-pres.
