Is there any Hope? Please-Time is very short.

[abgiles]

I know I've posted this in a different thread, and I've gotten a couple of responses (thanks for the prayers!), but I've only got a few days until she files for divorce. I'm not sure of what to do. Here's what I posted before.

I've been reading for a few days, and just got my profile approved. I am really hoping for a reply from some WAW's, especially from Sandi, as she really seems to be articulate with her thougths.

My current situation is:

Wife was classic WAW, questioned why we ever got married. She asked for the D on June 21. On June 22, she opened her own checking account and found an APT 20 miles away that same day. We moved her out that following Friday. It took me a few days to stop begging her back. Of course, she got angry each time. I found a couple of on-line books and started the 180 based on their recommendation. It worked a little, but each time she called and talked, I didn't end it quickly.

I finally discovered DB and DR books, and have hired a coach (thank you Chuck!)

My problem is that she is really pushing to get this done as quickly as possible. I only have a week and a half until she is going to file (she wanted to file immediately, but I asked for a month). We are now down to 4 days. We have limited contact, but lately she has called more than me. Not so much now. I did push dinner this past Sunday, and she did not want that. Now no contact for 2 days. I am at a critical LRT right now, and am trying to figure out if anything I can do to convince her not to file right away. She is very stubborn about everything, has the family pushing, etc... and once she files, I think won't believe that she can go back.

Chapter one of DR is us to a tee. Michelles states that reading that book, you may believe she was filming us for months. That's the case here. Having several weeks to think about our marriage, she's been trying hard for the last year to reach me. I missed all the signs, and of course now, when I want therapy, talking, one more chance, etc.. It's too little, too late. She states she has no feelings for me, doesn't love me, questions the whole decision to get married in the first place, etc... I know she cares and there are some feelings there. I am just in a desperate last week and a half before she files and need some advice. I am reading the books over and over, setting goals, etc... but without contact, it's difficult to do things.

I know if she were to read just the first couple of chapters of DR with an open mind, she might change her mind. I know she won't accept it from me, and I don't want to manipulate the situation to get anybody else to give it to her. I am hoping she'll see some changes in me and ask what I'm doing. If she does, I'll mention the book briefly and see what happens.

I know this is about patience, but most people here that I see get months of separation prior to filing, or weeks of knowing before separation even. I had one week before separation, and I've had two weeks of that. Now we're filing soon.

Any suggestions?

I am committed to change, and making this work, I just want her to see that. Yes, I have been praying to God too.

And now for the update: This last week was ok. We didn't see each other all week, only spoke on the phone about tax check, and to schedule her to see my daughter from a previous marriage (she is a part of her life). My ex wife read the DR book, and sent a beautiful letter and a copy of the book to my W. She asked her to read some select passages that she thought applied to us, and to keep an open mind. My daughter gave her the book on Saturday, along with the letter. I hope it's not sitting in the garbage now. I am hoping that coming from another woman that divorced me, she will actually take stock of it. I did not ask my ex to give her the book, I gave it to her to read for herself after she asked me what it was about.

I dropped my daughter off on Saturday with my W for a couple of hours, then we all had lunch together. I was upbeat and pleasant. She called a couple of times that day, and I kept it pleasant and short. No contact yesterday at all.

Here's my dilemma: She files on Friday. Everybody agrees this is way too fast. Once she files and I'm served, it's 30 days to over. Friday is also her birthday. I had asked her out a month ago, and she said we'd have to see. I know she has no plans for her birthday yet, and would like to take her out.

My thoughts are as follows: Ask her to dinner on Thursday (nice time, no R talk) Friday morning, ask for 15 minutes of her time before she files (I have the paperwork). Then I'd like to ask her to wait another month to file so that I have time to work on getting myself ready for it.

I would love to take things slow, and I know the book is geared towards patience, but I also know her very well, and once she files, she's not going stop it.

abg.