Mulesqb - Still alive and Kickin'

[mulesqb]

Previous thread:

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1521371&page=0&fpart=1

Feeling a little bummed today. My W goes on her weekend excursion with the neighbor's W tomorrow. I left work early (been doing that a few times lately) to come home and hang with Duncan.

I am going to pick up all 3 kids at camp and take them to their respective baseball games tonight. My W said she would meet us for dinner afterwards - although she still hasn't packed for her trip yet.

I want her to have fun - I really do - there is also a huge part of me that can't wait to be away from her and just hanging with the boys. The problem is that I just don't want her to cross the boundaries we have. She's admittedly very vulnerable right now. She was crying last night saying she is going to miss Duncan this weekend (we've had him 3 days and now he has better status than me!). I'm going to pray a lot tonight and then let her go and not think about it any more. I know that's what I have to do.

But whatever - I'll just have to deal with it and detach, detach and more detaching!

We had a very good talk last night about the dog and the kids - we're getting along fine while she's is cycling (thanks Bill!). SHe said the dog is really helping her and is so glad we got him.

She asked me to watch Project Runway with her last night. i had this big plan to watch a movie on my own but she hit me with that when I got home. That was one of the things we did together in the last season - i actually started to like the show. Unfortunately I fell dead asleep during it last night.

[mulesqb]

Hey everyone - hope you are well tonight. I'm still down in the dumps over the W leaving tomorrow. When i get up tomorrow - that is it - no more feeling sorry for myself. Right now I'm just scared. She met us at the Chinese Buffet tonite and was great. Even engaged in some of the boys sports talk. Very different from last week's 15 minutes and leave us hanging. When we got home she started packing. She's not taking a whole lot. But when she finished - she didn't watch TV with me. Oh well - she's in the basement now sleeping and watching QVC. I hope she doesn't wake me when she comes up later. Just want to get on this with whole thing already.

Anyway - I hope everyone is well tonight. I will pray for all of us.

Any suggestions for me this weekend - I was planning on being pretty dark. Is that the right thing to do?? Want to keep my thoughts at home with just the boys and enjoy our time together.

[Bworl]

Let the weekend go. Just like most everything else right now, there's nothing to be gained by fretting over it. Get back to focusing on the positives of a weekend with the guys.

I don't see any need for going dark. You gave your blessings to this trip, right? If she calls and wants to talk to you or the boys, talk to her. As I've told you before, don't borrow trouble. You're allowing your unrest with the situation in general create a monster out of this trip. And it's not as simple as it just affecting you - it will come through in your interactions with her also.

You've had some good days. Focus on the positives of those days. Think about what went well and try to see if you can identify why. It's easy for us to chalk up a good day to just our wayward spouse being normal for a change, but I'm inclined to think that we all play a role in those good days. How can you keep those coming?

You're doing fine Mules. Don't make more of this than it is. Forget the suggestions we've helped plant in your head and enjoy the weekend. Before you know it she'll be home and you'll find that everything was fine.


Blessings,

Bill

[mulesqb]

Thanks Bill - I hate when my mind wonders. I think that's the hardest part. This is the first time in 22 years that she is going anywhere without me - I really wouldn't mind at all if I trusted the person that she was going with (neighbor's W). Although she told me last night the neighbor's W is always saying what a good husband I am to her.


Thanks for all your support lately. It is helping me tremendously, especially your post about cycling.

You are right about everything - I'm losing the insecurity right now and getting back to the basics. Going to take the boys to the batting cages tonite and for some pizza. Maybe even a late showing of the Dark Knight. I love that they are into it - I was always a huge Batman fan growing up.

I am going to spend some time thinking about what has gone right this week because it really has been a very good week. My first thought is Duncan!

[faithisbelieving]

It's rough mules. Still is. My W texted me that she is taking the kids to visit her sis in CT for 3 days in August. That will be the longest I've been away from my children. I am not looking forward to it. I may have to fly somewhere or get away to keep busy.

Listen to Bill...don't wrap yourself up in it or you'll go crazy. Look forward to some peace and quiet. Read, etc.

FIB

[mulesqb]

Thanks FIB - Getting wrapped up in the kids for the rest of the weekend - hoping for no drama.

[lovehopefaith]

I hope your weekend is going well. Thanks for all your advice in my thread. I so appreciate it!

Have fun with your boys! I think my D and I will have a PJ party in my giant king-size bed tonight... Why shouldn't we, right?

[mulesqb]

Journal - Good nights on Friday and Saturday with the boys. On Friday we went to the batting cages and on Saturday went to see the Dark Knight. The boys loved it! (I did too).

I survived my W trip. On Friday while picking up the boys from camp, my cell phone rang. I picked it up and it was my college roommate. Turns out he worked 5 minutes from where my W was visiting. She saw his picture in a local flyer and realized she was right down the street so she went to see him and used the nickname he and I used to call her back in college. It was great to hear from him but tough to listen to her talk and act like she used to. When he put her on the phone I kind of blew her off because I couldn't take the phoniness. She called later that night to talk to me and not really the boys. She only spoke to S10. I didn't realize because I was the last one to talk to her. I thought she had spoken to all of them before me but didn't.

On Saturday night the boys were upset that they haven't heard from her so at 10pm they called her. She was in her room and talked to them and than me. She wasn't doing much, but I was a little upset that if the boys didn't call her they wouldn't have heard from her.

Yesterday she came home. I went to get the boys sandwiches and when i returned she was on the driveway. She barely said hello to me. I was pissed. She said she was hungry so I gave her half my sandwich. It was very hot so she said she was going in the pool. She asked me to blowoff mowing the lawn and swim with her so I did.

We started to talk, she said that I looked like something was wrong - that I didn't ask her how her weekend was and I didn't tell her I was proud of her for traveling because she was normally not very good with it. She said I needed to remove the stick from my a$$. We started to talk some more and of course the neighbor's W shows up. It sounds like the majority of her weekend was spent buying bikinis and then parading around in them when she got home.

The rest of the day was now spent with the neighbors. At one point I told my W that I was sick of this scene.

I don't know what else to do at this point. I feel like I am stuck in a rut with her. She is basically doing whatever she wants at the expense of her family and at times looks like she cares but for the most part doesn't. It really is no way to live. I still love her, but I don't like her (is that a reverse speech?). I think I'm at the point where if I can't have the old her back - then I don't want her anymore. She has turned into this arrogant, selfish, careless person who thinks the only thing she needs to do for her kids is make them lunch and do their laundry. As she says - the things "she is supposed to do". Now I help with all of those and she doesn't even notice.

The problem is the boys. I will continue to live like this if it is better for the boys. But I don't know - is this sitch better than blowing everything up? I really don't know what the answer to that is. I guess I'm just frustrated right now - the roller coaster had been going up and now appears to be headed downward again - see how long it stays there.

[mulesqb]

Ok - Now I feel bad - I had to call her from work to ask a question about our finances. We ended up talking for over a half an hour - it was the "good" her again. I think FIB told me earlier to just sit back, relax and watch the MLC ride. Oh, how I wish there was light at the end of the tunnel with this.

[lovehopefaith]

She is basically doing whatever she wants at the expense of her family and at times looks like she cares but for the most part doesn't. It really is no way to live. I still love her, but I don't like her (is that a reverse speech?).

I feel the same way as you do. I don't "like" my H at all right now. But I just keep telling myself he is sick, he has mental illness, he has a disease. Because frankly he really does... This man is not the man I married, the thoughtful man who gave great surprises at Christmas or loved doing things with his family or was sweet... He is gone right now.

And I'm with you -- I'm sticking it out for the sake of my D and the slight hope that the old H's personality will show its head in some way again. I know in reality it will never be the same, but right now it's completely a sickness that has invaded him because he would never, ever, do this to his D. I know the real man behind this mask would not do that.

I have similar circumstances when I talk to my H when he is at work. He is fine, basically normal for the most part, and basically upbeat. I think it's part of "the act" that they put on for the rest of the world -- at least with my H, I think it is.

It sounds like you had a good weekend -- good for you! Happy Monday!