Well H never did respond to my request to know why he has stopped the maintenance payments. All I really wanted to know was whether he had done it on purpose or it if was a mistake at the bank. I guess I got my answer by his silence. I did however get another letter from his L this morning about not TMing him. That must be based on the TM I sent him when H came home from his holiday b/c when I sent the one yesterday the Ls offices were closed.
So I made an appointment to see my L on Monday. She wasn't available until then. I've thought about nothing else all day (other than trying to find an extra job) and I think I'm just going to have to give H what he wants - a D. Last time we did speak he was threatening to file. I've no idea whether he has as I haven't received any papers and he hasn't spoken to me since. I don't know if my L will be able to find out from the court if he has but if he hasn't then I think I'm going to have to do the ultimate 180 and get the ball rolling myself.
I'm tired of being on the backfoot all the time. For my sanity and for my financial security I think I need to be in control. It's something I said I would never do but I really don't see what choice I have left anymore.
It won't bring him back. That's not why I'm doing it. I'm not even sure I want him back after this latest stunt. I'm really confused. All I know is that I want my life back and I want to be happy again.
Last edited by ACJ; 07/16/0807:25 PM.
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
Good for you. I'm right there w/Cinders on this one. You're moving in the right direction by the statement you made about wanting your life back and being happy again.
Your h has been dangling you along for a very long time. He says he wants a divorce, and yet, no sign of papers. I can't help but think the word divorce is being used to control/manipulate you into backing off of him. Well..the old boy has really cooked his goose this time. I can't believe he's complaining about your tming him to his lawyer.
The least he could have done was responded to in inquiry. I suspect he's stopped the payments and not the bank. They tend to go silent when they've done something wrong and you have to find out the hard way. I'm so sorry he's not been honest w/you on this. Any way you can contact the bank about it?
A, you do what you have to do in order to take care of you. You are the most important person right now and to heck w/your h and that hoochie he's with. Do what you need to take back your life and to move forward and find your inner peace once again.
I think about you so often - I don't come here very often anymore but it's weird isn't it that we meet people here at such a vulnerable place in our lives and even though we wouldn't know each other if we bumped into each other on the street - it feels as though we do know each other. These shared experiences make us understand each other in ways others find hard to "get". Nevertheless I think about you and pray for you.
Alison, this post from you sounds like you have decided to be fully responsible for your own wellbeing and that my friend is the basis of your recovery and the promise that you will be happy again.
I'm holidaying with my mum at the moment and it was my birthday yesterday. My exH sent me a text message saying happy birthday and I commented to mum that there was a time when I thought I would never be happy again - now, nearly 4 years down the track - I am happy again. Regardless of if he contacted me or not - I'm happy again - and I know you will be too.
It's all up from here Alison - and I'll keep you in my prayers. You're good people.
Love and thoughts, Virginia
Last edited by Walkingback; 07/16/0811:58 PM.
V
Never make someone a priority, who makes you an option.
Thank you Cinders, Snodderly and Walking your posts really do mean a lot to me.
I've had a rollercoaster day today (when don't I!). This morning when I got up I was so low that I couldn't even make the decision about what to wear for work. I nearly rang in sick but I had too long standing training session to deliver so I did eventually go in. Probably for the best.
I've been gettin emails from the NHS for over a year now telling the jobs that are available in the field, place etc that I am looking for. Today there was one that is more local to me than where I currently work, is a higher banding and which i am more than qualified to do. I will apply. It's not necessarily in the area that I want to specialise in but right now I don't have that luxury. The only downside is that it's in a prison. I once went to look round there before (funnily enough when H was absent last time) but pulled out of the interview that time. I have done some teaching there since and although it's a bit grotty compared to the reasonably plush office I have now there is certainly potential for me to stamp my mark on the place. So that lifted my spirits just a little.
Then this afternoon I was telling a colleague of mine about having to look for a weekend job and she asked me at what age maintenance payments stop. She assumed it was 18 but then I remembered the original L I had telling me legally it was 16. Now S15 is 16 in August and whilst I want to support him all the way if the only way I can set my financial predicament straight is to stick to the letter of the law I will. IF I am correct there is a chance that H will only be able to get away with what he has done until the beginning of Sept as then I wont be liable and he will have to start paying for D13 again. I really hate to be talking about my kids in this way but H has given me no choice. I just have to wait until Monday when i have the appointment with my L.
My faith (not strong originally) has really taken a bashing over all of this. Today I think I saw that God is watching over me. Even if neither of these things I have mentioned happen at least he has made me think of them and lifted my spirits for a while.
I still haven't made my mind up about doing the ultimate LRT but at the moment I can't see any other choice.
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
did however get another letter from his L this morning about not TMing him
well, its seems he's left you no choice. I pray he's able to work with you about the financial issues hon, take care of yourself, sometimes the answer we get isn't the one we want but in the long run is the best for us.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
I think the only way to know what is going on is to go thru a L.
It's too bad he has to be this way.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
