What to do when you miss your cheating W?

[HopefultotheEnd]

I don't understand. I miss my W. She devistated me, kicked me while I was down and I still want to spend time with her.

She doesn't want to let me go completely and at this point of my detatchment I'm almost ok with that. If we hang out together and we both enjoy it...who's using whom?

I have to see her quite often and I can't help being attracted to her dispite all this. When she leaves after spending time with the girls is the hardest. We hug and kiss each time.

You might think I'm crazy but I want her to stop seeing the OM and recommit to me and our marriage. Now I'm not holding my breath here but for the time being I'm not going to go find anyone else...so is it wrong if I get some affection. I'm getting more and more confused. I don't condone her actions but I still love her. Going dark doesn't seem appropriate and I'm doing well not persuing her. Where do I draw the line?

What do you all do? Or am I the only freak that feels this way.

[LL44]

Or am I the only freak that feels this way

Freak #2 right here.

I have always missed my H more when he is right in front of me, spending time with us as a family, then I do when he is gone. At times, I feel more lonely in a roomful of 50 people (H included) then I do by myself in bed at night.

Going dark doesn't seem appropriate and I'm doing well not persuing her. Where do I draw the line?

I wish I knew.

Are you comfortable with your life. Happy most of the time, truly happy? Can you find joy and the good things in life despite the yuckiness? I think that's a good start.

As Sara on here says "There's nothing wrong with being physical/having sex with your spouse", but you have to be comfortable, and have no expectations, or at least know what your W's expectations are.

I totally understand this post, hope my thoughts portray that. lol

[whatdidido]

Your feelings are common. You are not a freak, you are a loving husband who misses his marriage and his wife.

She may have devastated you, and kicked you when you were down, but you have an unconditional love for her.

I think we need to know more. Is she living with the OM now? Has she delivered papers to you? SHe is hugging and kissing you, are there are "signs" or words that make you think she is still in limbo about her future?

[Puppy Dog Tails]

HTTE,

You're not alone, AT ALL. The feelings are entirely natural. It's all about what you DO about them.

Give in to them, and you'll be playing at a severe disadvantage. Learn to control them, and have a plan and STICK TO IT, and the odds turn decidedly in your favor.

Puppy

[bluerain]

Hopeful, this place is full of those freaks. Most of us feel the same way, so dont worry about that. I actually think that I love my H more now than I did before. Probably because of all the work Ive done on myself to make myself a better W, and a more complete person. As far as what to do when you miss them, Sign up for motorcycle lessons!! Dont ignore your emotions, I dont think that that will help, but try to find things you can do to help you not be inconsolable, find something new & fullfilling to occupy your time. Thats what I do.

After everything they do, its hard to justify feeling this way, but I dont even try to explain it. Im just doing the right thing by fighting for my marriage. I made vows and I meant them, thats all that matters.

[Starshyne]

My H and I are now divorced and I still miss him insanely. I miss all of the fun we had and miss just being with him. Sometimes I feel like I will miss him forever. It is like he has passed away.

[Sugar and Spice]

Freak as well. I am SO in the same boat as you. When H is around for the most part he is affectionate and there is physical contact, but I have to be careful because the troll has cooties...lol (not really funny). H sends mixed signals all the time and generally makes my brain hurt because its just all so confusing. I have offered to give him a D and he refuses, but will not say whether or not he intends to come home.

I would love nothing more for him to stop seeing the Troll, but my H has the distinct disadvantage of being a completely hopelessly addicted gambler, so that further complicates an already completely jacked up situation. If H announced he was coming home tomorrow, there would have to be some serious negotiations before I would even consider it. I still love him like crazy and it makes my heart hurt to think of everything that he is throwing away, but I can't control it...just me.

Honestly, the physical stuff now, is for my personal gratification only. I agree with Puppy, its not in anyway shape for form beneficial to my situation, but I can handle doing it on my terms and as long as I can, I will when I choose to, when I can't handle it, I don't. (((HTTE)))

[HopefultotheEnd]

I'm still working on being able to be happy AT ALL. I've been pretty sucessful. (BTW I did tale a mototcycle course, and bought a motorcycle! It helps.) I've gotten to a point where I can enjoy myself most of the time. Usually the lulls in my day are hardest when I have time to think. Sometimes the thinking is good others not so much. Worst for me is that my thoughts will often snap back to my sitch for a moment, no mater what I'm doing. It sucks because I can be having a great time and I'll suddenly feel some negative emotion...(they vary). I can put it aside and continue to have fun but it does disrupt my "flow". I don't think I truly relax much.

So no I'm not really happy with my life.

Summary is that my W moved out to a single room in a shared house leaving me with D4 and D9 "While she gets "space". OM#1 lives a few hours away (PA 100% confirmed) OM#2 also lives over an hour away(EA 100% not sure if PA).
Thread 1, Thread 2, Current thread.

My W tells me she doesn't know what she wants and that she doesn't know if these were the right decisions. In the month leading to her move she hinted multiple times that she would want to "date" me and/or that she might want to move back in months down the road. The day she left she told me that she loved me. Sunday she said it too but veiled behind saying it for the girls. We hug and kiss pretty much each time we see each other (3 or 4 times a week). There are no papers. We've discussed and she doesn't want to go there yet. I might be leaning toward a LS. I'd prefer to let the whole filing be on her...but I can't wait forever. She gave me the impression early on when I found out about the OM that she feels they are not good future material. (Lots of partying etc.) But that they are fun and attractive. I actually think she is adicted in some ways to contact with them.

The cheating bothers me not in the way that I think it should. I'm detatched enough to not be as jealous as I am rejected that she could have me as much as she wants. Yet my physical needs push me to continue intimacy with her.

I also agree that in the long run it might be best to hold off but it would hurt me to do so. In a way I need to have that closeness with her. (I don't read into it though) My feelings towards her change every five minutes...I just don't know.

Just an ironic note. W became obsessed with my motorcycle, took the class too and just bought a bike. Talk about Copycat! I'm a bit sad that's its not "MY" thing anymore it does give us something in common.

I have been finding a strange peace emotionally...like a numbness when something that would normaly really hurt washes over me and is only irritating. Of course if you don't like how I'm feeling just wait five minutes.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

HTTE,

Did you ever get an STD test? I certainly hope you're using protection when having sex with your wife?

Puppy

[HopefultotheEnd]

Well It's been since she moved out and we havn't without protection since March. But yes. I just got tested for everything. I'm not entirely sure that we will have sex again. I just feel confused because I want to.