Confused and Bewildered

[7 Year Itch]

Old Thread.... http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1488006&page=4#Post1488006


OK, so this is going to be QUITE the post to start off the day. If you need some background, read the last two in my old thread to see where I was. In a nutshell, H ready to file anyday. Was supposed to file Friday, didn't.

OK, so I talked on Sat with H, and he said he just didn't have time to get down here on Friday with work to file. There was no big talk to be had. I don't know WHY the night before he acted like he wanted to talk about it. When I called Sat. all he said was, no I just wanted to let you know. So I'll do it next week. UGH.

So fast forward to SAt. night. I had the girls call to say goodnight and he sounded kind of weird. Said he had been watching westerns all day (the people he is staying with are out of town for 2 weeks, so this is the first time during our Separation he has really been alone). Anyway, that is SO weird because he is NOT a veg to the TV kind of guy. That was REALLY strange. Anyway, so we were chatting a bit after he said goodnight and he said why didn't I call him back after getting the girls to bed (huh, he WANTS to talk to me? OK).

So after a big meltdown with D6 (over missing Daddy etc...), recalling him back for her to talk to him etc.) I finally get her down, and call him back.

I told him I was beat and going to go to take a shower and head to bed. To which he playfully says...... "OK, well if you want to email me some pictures of you from your shower, go ahead". LOL

OK, I've NEVER done that. EVER. Never ever. So I laughed and said...."Um, well, we'll see"

So I took my shower, and decided to play along. So I took a couple suggestive photos and sent them to his phone. Well, after the first one went, my phone rang. He ended up sending me some back, and long story short....... (I know too late), we ended up having phone sex (which we have NEVER done) and lets' just say he was VERY turned on.

So Sunday, he comes to get the girls, and right away I'm anxious wondering if he's going to be all weird. Well, nope. He came, helped me with the pool. We chit chatted. We took each others phones to make sure everything was deleted, and laughed about the night before. Then I was in a tank top, and was flexing my bicep for him, and he was like.. "wow, where did that come from?" and I laughed. Told him I had a few tricks up my sleeve (he's a HUGE workout buff person, always has been. I on the other hand am a couch potato, so this was a good 180).

So anyway, our d2 was napping this whole time (she fell asleep in my car on the way home from church), so D6 was watching spongebob in my room, so we just sat together in the livingroom chatting for an hour. I had moved over by him when we exchanged phones, and through our conversation, had laid my legs across his lap. He was stroking my legs and we were laughing the whole time.

It felt really nice. Normal. Does normal even still exist?

So we got them loaded up, and woke up D2 (he had to get them to a bday party and they were already late). I was all happy, told them to have a great time, waved, and didn't break down for the first time).

So last night I went to a friends for dinner. Got home, and decided to initiate this time, and sent him a suggestive photo that said. "dessert?" to which I got an immediate response with. "OK, give me a few to get the girls to bed". So repeat of Saturday nights stuff.

So he brings the girls home today ,and we'll see if he's weird or not.

I told my friend yesterday, the last few days I've seen the FIRST of positive signs in all of this, and yet I know I cannot feel that great, because in the past when I have, he has slapped me upside the head with his insistance of divorce.

I'm just holding on to those words he said on Sat. morning, when I told him...."if you can't fight for us, just don't fight against us" and he said."ok". One word, but it meant everything.

GOD, I pray this is some sort of start. I'm so tired of fighting and believing alone.

Chris

[LolaL]

I only have one word.

WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!

[klm]

That's great Chris. It sounds like you two may be making a connection again. Just remember this is a long slow process so patience is key.

It's nice when things feel "normal" isn't it?

[pisces9]

Hi Chris- wow- that is good...but dont get overly excited with him...and stay happy and your sexy self! clearly he is questioning his chiuce-
can you pinpoint why he warmed up to you?

[7 Year Itch]

can you pinpoint why he warmed up to you?

Thanks so much guys.

I'm not sure, but I think it was a combination of the shooting star thing on Thursday Night (he saw it which was huge I think), and the card I sent him home with. The funny thing is, is that the stuff I had in that card is all stuff I have said several times, written before etc........ but when I asked if he had read my card on Sat, his tone was definitely different. I think SOMETHING in it hit him in a different way. He said twice in that conversation that I had put "a lot" in that card.

So I don't know.

He called me this morning awhile ago to tell me about d6's bike having a broken brake and wanted to know if I knew. I told him she crashed on a few times in the last week but I hadn't looked really closely. He told me he'd get a new brake and get it fixed. He just wanted to see if I knew. Then he asked when I wanted the girls back today. I asked what his plans were, he said he wanted to take them swimming this afternoon. I told him that was fine, and asked if he'd have them back by dinner. He said yes. Then I invited him to dinner (I hope it wasn't too soon). He said he'd see. He had some stuff he needed to cook up tonight at home to get ready for his work week (he often makes up a bunch of burritos or stuff early in the week for his lunches all week). I acted like it was no biggie, but that I had plenty. So I'm really hoping he'll stay for dinner.

God, if he calls this week and tells me he filed after feeling positive for the FIRST time in ages, I'm so worried I'll lose it again.

Chris

[ms ladybug]

Seems like good progress, and hard as it is, you need to back off some. Let him think. Expect him to say a bunch of things like "this doesn't change anything", etc... It will hurt, but it's to be expected after the good. He'll get scared, and want to run. Be prepared for it. DON'T LOSE IT IN FRONT OF HIM!!!
Come here, vent here, cry here.
It's all part of the ride.

[klm]

ladybug is right, it seems to be the norm for them to pull away after letting their gaurd down for a little bit. Just be prepared for that and don't let it disappoint you if he gets a little distant. Just keep doing what you are doing and let him take it all in.

[pisces9]

i think it is very important for you to see WHAT WORKED and do more of it but slowly. stop doing anything that hasn't worked.

you just showed us what worked- positive, happy, fun things....

yay!

[LolaL]

Chris...don't get too worried. Just enjoy today, and the progress you have made. If you worry, it will show, so breath...and just smile!

[7 Year Itch]

Hey guys! Ladybug, you are right. I have to try to prep myself for it because he's done it many times before. It just feels so different this time. I hope I'm not sucked in for more disappointment. Ugh.

I totally forgot one more part of the story. Saturday night when I sent him that article I found on that study of couples over 5 years... http://www.mwmagazine.com.au/?p=272 (there it is by the way)

While he was reading I was looking on Craigs list at vacation rentals. After he was done reading he asked if I had anything else to send him. I told him "just a great vacation rental for us" to which he said. "Oh yeah, where?" and I said. "Mexico". To which he said. "I just have NO idea when I'd get time off for that". I was shocked he even responded. I've been asking for months for him to go away with me somewhere, and it's always been...."No, it would just be a waste of money. Nothing is going to change. IT wouldn't do any good".

So even just the way he responded to that was very surprising. And with the DNC here next month (tons of off duty work for him), and our D2's surgery, then our D6 starting school, oh yeah, and I have a 3 day girls weekend away planned too, he's right. I don't know WHEN we'd fit it in, but just the WORDS he used and how he responded was different.

He's still gone swimming with the girls right now. I'm primped and am all purtied up for when they come home. Hoping he'll stay for dinner, especially with the people he is staying with being gone ,but I'll DB and look like it's no biggie if he says no.

God, I hope something has made him just slow down at the very least. I so hope he doesn't really file this week.

Chris