She's not ready to be helped. It hasn't been long enough for her. They've only been married 7 years.
I've been thinking about his in regards to my own sitch. I have only been married for 2 years! I don't know what that means exactly for me and my wife (i know no one really does). On one hand, we haven't built up years of anger, pain, and resentment; its only about a year's worth (or what ever she is thinking at the time, some times she says there was nothing good in our relationship) but on the other hand it seems like because we don't have an extensive history together it would be easy for her just to throw in the towel.
I hope that isn't the case, I hope the time we have been together is an advantage. It seems like its not an insurmountable time but I hope its not insignificant.
I don't mean to hijack your thread cookie. the link to mine is below if you guys/gals would rather post there.
B
My Story: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1512790&page=1#Post1512790
Goldey, I hope it goes faster for you if you are approachable. I was not. I was very angry for a very long time. H still learned, but it may have gone faster if I wasn't. I've never heard of "Dance of Anger", is it good ?
Ready, he gets home tonight at 10:30 pm. I don't have any big plans for tonight, he's going from east coast to west coast. He'll be suffering major jet lag, plus adrenalin let down from his trip. Tonight, he sleeps. Tomorrow night, hot tub.
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
Thx for stopping by my thread Cookie!! Hope to see more of you...to bad you don't get paid for this stuff, eh?
Send donations to...
po box...lol
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
gfi, I love babycakes. lol You come up with the cutest nicknames & spread warmth & sunshine wherever you go. xoxo
Purple, I do enjoy hearing that you like my words. I don't know that they're good enough for a hard drive, but....thanks hugs
neil, what would you like her to do ? What are the 3 steps ? For example, I wanted H to not walk away from me while I was speaking. So, I asked. "I would appreciate it if you would not walk away from me when I am speaking". He said "okay". Now, the next time he does it, rather than getting majorly pissed & going off angry. I say "I would appreciate it if you would not walk away from me when I am speaking", he says "oh, sorry, I forgot". Now if he continues to do it, I know that he is being passive aggressive, & we bring it up in MC.
oh, & it's my pleasure !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Bridge, hi, thanks for checking on me. I am getting a lot of typing done, plus clearing our my DVR. hugs.
somberbrow, be over asap.
Gypsy, I called you, no answer, no voice mail ? I figured you were busy with costume thing. How'd C go ? hugs hugs hugs
ndsmhelp, if your W can't say it, ask her if she can write it or type her feelings to you. One time I couldn't even speak to H, but I typed it on my laptop on word, & he read it as I typed it. It was one optional way to let him inside my head, when I was hurting so bad, I couldn't speak. She's obviously scared to tell you, (not because you've done anything, she's just feeling that, for some reason) I'd suggest you be soft spoken, gentle, & sit at her level or lower. For example, if she's on the bed, you sit on the floor with your back against the wall & wait. You may try telling her it's okay to tell you, & reassure her you won't get angry. Watch her face, if she appears relieved, you know that's her fear spot. Watch her body language, if she curls up into a ball, or pulls her knees up to her chest, she feels vulnerable. I'm happy to share the possibilities. Keep up the good work.
Ready, she's not capable of swinging a 2x4 yet. It kills me to not help, but I'll be close by, if she changes her mind.
Pisces, I'm thrilled to hear that things are going good with H. That's awesome !!!
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
Scookie, Thanks for sharing your last post. You deserve to be treated as a queen....
Thanks Ready. I hesitate to use that example, Queens did not fair well, during certain Kings' reign, gulp! But, it makes the point. LOL
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
If one could put a price tag on your insight, none of us could afford it, your unselfishness on here truly shows your committment to yourself and your M. You IMHO have reached a level of self awareness and acceptance that goes beyond words.
You are becoming a friend to yourself. Oh how important it is to like oneself so that one can allow themselves to love others.
You are becoming a friend to yourself. Oh how important it is to like oneself so that one can allow themselves to love others.
I found this to be the most poignant point. I truly hope that my darling will get on the same pathway that you were able to find, SC. It would make all the difference in the world. The happiness that has flittered through her finger tips would suddenly be readily attainable. Until the self image and self esteem issues are roundly addressed, as you have done, then the earlier events in her life will continue sabotage that happiness.
