Smartcookie, I saw your last thread locked and i panicked! really. The board monitors need to find a way to put a forward link to your new threads. So many of us look forward to your posts. amazing how much we get from you and want to be your husband (in your husbands position, i mean, hehe)
and now its page 3 and thats just people catching up with you and this new thread.
13 months of hard work? I'm heading into month 3 and feel so far from where i want to be. mentioned on Somberbrows thread i got the "I need to move out" talk. I just dread those talks but knew she needed to say it. I'm hoping and praying she just needed to say it, but wont act on it.
thanks again for being you. And please tell your husband how jealous we all are of him.
Ken, I'll try to put a forward link on my last post, I normally do, just spaced it this time.
As far as wanting to be in my husbands position....if you knew everything he went through...you might reconsider.
Month 3 is hard, H & I were both acting like a couple of 4 year olds at month 3. I feel for you.
I've mentioned that a few guys here are envious of him. I've also told him that a few gals (whose husbands walked away & aren't looking back) are very happy for me.
take care of you
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
SC - thanks for your words...they're inspirational to many of us.
I'm in month 2 of my WAS. .... when she does end it and begins to grieve...I will be there for her. Regardless of the situation, I love her and it will hurt me to see her in such pain.
For now, I'm already a changed person. I didn't need a 2x4 upside the head, but maybe a 1x2 ;)....
I have begun to really listen to her and try to understand how she feels. I've come to appreciate even more the sacrifices she's made to stay home with the kids...
...I will continue to work on me and provide her as much support as I can. She doesn't know where she's going to end up, but I love her enough that if she chooses to leave, I can accept it.
Throughout all of this, I remind myself that "Love is patient". I also remind myself that if I love something, I must be prepared to let it go.
WOW ! That is soooooo awesome that you've realized all that already. Your journey will be shorter than some, hopefully less painful too. I wish you all the best. You sound like you're doing great.
take care of you
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
LOL, ok, now we are all going to call you "Yoda". Oh wise one, please when you get a chance, check out my sitch too!! http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...&gonew=1#UNREAD (my prior thread is linked in the first post for background).
I'm so glad to hear everything is going so well. You give a lot of people on here a lot of hope!
Chris
Hi Chris,
LOL, I'll be Yoda, short, wrinkly, big hairy ears....:)
Here were a couple of my thoughts while I was doing dishes...
1. What did he want in the M that he didn't get ? What were his major complaints ? If he were going to come back, what does he want to be different ?
2. Person A wants to be around Person B, when Person B makes them feel good. You shouldn't hide out in your room. You should GAL, & do your thing around the house, act happy & normal, wear your Ipod, dance while you're dusting, whatever. Nothing is as unattractive as a moping, clingy, needy, desperate W or H. Make you the most attractive you can be, without going overboard. When you know he's coming over, wear something he used to like, but be subtle.
Then, when he talks to you, act like he's a new boyfriend. Don't; chase him, pursue him, call him, sleep with him, or nag him about anything.
Just tell him you'd love to be with him, but, you don't feel comfortable having sex while he's still living somewhere else. Once he moves back home & agrees to at least talk to you about the changes he'd like in the M, you'd love to make love to him. (just my opinion, please, follow your heart on this one).
whatcha think ?
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
SC, You've become something of a phenomenon (Cookie Monster)! Hopefully some of these Ms would be saved as a result of your efforts. Did you tell H he's an advanced DAM now (of course you taught him how instead of just walking away)? Keep up the good work.
It is amazing how H thinks things are fine while W is completely miserable. I just accepted things the way they were, but always wished for more. I felt my W distancing herself, but she never said she was unhappy. I didn't know how to stop her, so kept going down the cheeseless tunnels. That pushed her farther away. I didn't know how verbally express my feelings to her, so I wrote her the note. She dropped the bomb.
I think most of the problems we have come from a lack of communication skills, boundaries, and a true understanding of the needs of our S combined with a lack of true giving.
What are your thoughts on this? Do you agree, have more to add?
*HUGS* to the powerful YODA!
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
SC, You've become something of a phenomenon (Cookie Monster)! Hopefully some of these Ms would be saved as a result of your efforts. Did you tell H he's an advanced DAM now (of course you taught him how instead of just walking away)? Keep up the good work.
Well, I guess it's either be blue & furry, or short, wrinkled, with hairy ears. LOL I'm okay either way.
I haven't told H the DAM acronym yet, so he probably wouldn't appreciate being advanced. I'll tell him one day.
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
Just stopping by to say good morning and I hope you have a great day. I am not sure if I had taken the opportunity to thank you for sharing your story so THANKS!!!!
As like others have said, you have been such and inspiration and have provided much for me to reflect upon to which I am forever grateful and indebted to you.
Chris
Me 34 W 33 D 4 S 2 M 5 T 8 Bomb 6/17/08 Served 7/17/08 I hate Tuesdays! Current Thread
MOrning Cookie Monster Lady!! Love your work. U is soooo popular girl!
I had a dog that went to doggie heaven in 2005. His name was Coffee. I used to call him Coffee Monster (he was huge). Calling you Cookie Monster engenders the same feelings of affection/love in me towards you. Hmm...not saying I love you like a dog, but...ohhh....man...look - it's a compliment okay?!
PUrple is trying to wake up properly and get her ar5e moving for the day.
LOL, you're so cute. I took it as a wonderful compliment.
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
