My WAW and I have been separated now for about 7 weeks. I've been practicing the proper techniques laid out in DB and DR as I've read both.
Currently my W and I share a house and an apartment. Whomever has the children gets the house to stay in and we split the bill for each place.
There's a home for sale down the block from our current home for an insanely cheap price that would work for me to move into and have rooms for both of my D's.
My W has already stated she wants a D and she wants to keep our house since she knows I would be hard pressed to afford it alone.
Would it be too soon to buy a new house?
On one level it seems like a great GAL and would also cover my rear if things don't get any better between us. So far she's still ice and clearly has no intention of working things out between us at all. At the same time the fact that we share bills on the house is one of the few areas where we have any stake together. She initially gave me the option to not pay anything on the house, if I take it now is it really gonna push her away? Before thought that would be pretty harsh of me but now as things progress I feel like I need to prepare for the worst.
Does anyone have any input?
M:32 W:29 D:8 D:10 M 6 T 10 bomb 5/20/08 separated 5/22/08 sitch http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1471393&page=5&fpart=1
Hi Jeremy: Speaking from a purely business standpoint, be careful about real estate. The market right now really stinks. If you can buy it, and then maybe rent it if your circunstances change, then it may be a good investment.
Also, you have only been separated for 7 weeks, and although it feels like lifetime to most of us going through this sitch, in the grand scheme of things it is not a long time. Has your W made any move to file for D?
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
No she hasn't made any move to file. She just keeps mentioning to me when she brings up the sitch how we are heading for D.
I realize the market is so bad since the house I'm looking at is similar to the one we own together and it's half the price we paid for ours six years ago. The location would be great and I could still rent it out.
Part of me is sick of watching her spend money like crazy because our finances are now split.
I don't want to put a dime into the house since she's the one who wants to keep it. The roof is ready to blow off and she's dropping $100/week on new clothes and going out all the time.
She's taking all her money and planning vacations alone so she can sow her wild oats and then file for D. Seems like if she wants to be stuck with all the bills I'd like to let her have them and see what she's in for if she does file for D. Party time is OVER for her then. Is that wrong?
M:32 W:29 D:8 D:10 M 6 T 10 bomb 5/20/08 separated 5/22/08 sitch http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1471393&page=5&fpart=1
No its not. She needs to be accountable for her actions. Does she work?
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
She works. She makes a fair amount more that I do so she could afford the situation, hence she initially offered to pay for all the home expenses from the beginning.
M:32 W:29 D:8 D:10 M 6 T 10 bomb 5/20/08 separated 5/22/08 sitch http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1471393&page=5&fpart=1
I also have my W's b-day coming up this week. I'm guessing gift buying is out? I was thinking of making sure I got her something thoughtful as a gift from my D's, is a card of?
What is the general consensus on gifts for people who want to openly D you?
M:32 W:29 D:8 D:10 M 6 T 10 bomb 5/20/08 separated 5/22/08 sitch http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1471393&page=5&fpart=1
I'm not sure about the bday gift thing. That's kinda an individual thing. I think a small gift from the kids and a non-mushy card from you would be ok.
A couple thoughts on buying the house. I think if you can afford it, it would be a shame to pass on an opportunity like that. If you DO reconcile, it can be a rental until the market picks up. I would be cautious about buying a house just down the block from where she is. It would be great for the kids, BUT if things don't work out with your marriage, could you stand to be that close? Would it hurt you to see other cars come and go from there? Would you wonder who is over if you saw a car you didn't know?
Just some thoughts...
Me 36 Husband 35 D5 S2 separated: 10/29/07-present Served divorce papers 1/22/09 "When the world gives out beneath your feet, it is time to learn how to fly."
You raise some valid points, being that close would have some drawbacks. I love the neighborhood and hate to disturb my kids all the more. After talking to a loan officer I will need to have my W assume the existing mortgage before I can get anyone to loan me a thing.
I'm gonna let this sit on the back burner for a week and see if a little prayer and meditation will give me some clarity. Maybe the house sells in that time, then that is that.
I'll have to go on the gift hunt today and see what we can find.
Thanks for your responses.
M:32 W:29 D:8 D:10 M 6 T 10 bomb 5/20/08 separated 5/22/08 sitch http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1471393&page=5&fpart=1
