The morning spouse talked about his misery, I felt such sorrow for his pain. My passive BS meter asked what woman is feeding you those lines.
Recently he's said we can have nothing that implies we're a couple, since it confuses the children. Not even jointly giving an 18th birthday gift to our son. My BS meter says he's afraid of anything that implies a couple.
My reply was that the kids would know we were working together as parents. He squashed that.. and I realized.. it takes two. One person may be able to affect change in a couple relationship, but it takes each parent being a parent to work together AS parents.
Family is my core. Ripping my family apart is what kills me. Selfishly shredding a basic belief and security of the children's, of mine is untenable. But he's doing it, stomping in the china shop of our hearts until he gets his way.
Go. Shoo. I don't allow that.
You want to be in my life, spouse, grow some balls. Face what you're afraid of. Deal with what upsets you. Work with me. Work for you. Work for us. Work for the kids. Cause this mamma mia is done with a one sided selfish prickle.
I've spent the last 4 hours sorting through access problems to online accounts for the credit card and banking.
Yesterday morning I couldn't access the online credit card account. It stayed that way until this morning. Putting in my spouse's information (current zipcode, etc.) would have allowed me to create a new password, but I didn't. However, I let my lawyer know. This morning I had access again and noticed a few changes which had been deleted.
I decided to change the security questions to ones spouse would know to relieve his frustrations because it is a joint card. It was something that could only be done by calling the credit card directly. I sent him the information, relaying my actions to the lawyer. I didn't realize only ONE set of security questions were allowed per credit card account. Granted he could have found that out on his own.. but I didn't want the hassle of going through not having access again.
The bank assured me a glitch in the system had prevented me from logging in.
I have to admit, the thought passed through my mind of passive/aggressive harrassment. However, I figured assume the best, work in a positive manner and let it go.
It's odd how what was a marriage becomes a dissolving business partnership. I have no interest, nor did I, of hiding any information from him or making it difficult.
Like Mike once said.. "Stick me with a fork, I'm done."
You impress me the way that you have chosen to stay out of 'spouses' dillusional thought process, how a person can say nothin can show of us as a couple, yet you have children together how can 1 person be running so fast to get away from reality that they forget reponsibility. You on the other hand have said (i will use my own word here) how you dread having to do things with spouse when it came to the kids, but made the decision if it's the kids then I will put my feelings aside and do it. I don't want to but I will that my dear butterfly speaks volumes of where you are while on your journey of self awareness.
Each day you gain IMHO more understanding and respect for your self and know you are deservant of more, you have much to give and give you shall when it's your time, patiences. Your wings are almost spreading to their fullest enjoy the flutter as you embark on your new flights each day and embrace the good and the bad cause you are in control of you!
Like Mike once said.. "Stick me with a fork, I'm done."
I believe it's, "stick a fork in me, I'm done" but close enough! ;-P
It's so unfortunate that any little glitch in our normal day-to-day goings on, creates questions in our minds if our husbands are hiding things, making things difficult, taking things from us... blech. I'm very impressed that you were able to take the high road of assuming the best.
Enjoy the sights and sounds of the amusement park - especially the gleeful sound of children laughing. Good stuff.
Will talk to you soon.
Lots of love, Ms. Imp
M: 37 H: 36 Married: Aug 13, 2004 Decision to Divorce: July 20, 2008 Reconciled: September 2008 Current: Ambivalence
