Any suggestions on how to go.....it's been the same pattern so far; I get fed up...he tells me it's over, he's going to move forward, rent/buy a house & start keeping S5 a lot more. I start to back down, but move further away from spending time w/him-no intimacy. He acts like he doesn't care, but pulls in my other family members & shows how he can't do enough for them.
I broke the pattern by not responding to calls/email & not having any contact since last Weds. Should I keep that up?
You are realy only setting boundaries of what you consider acceptable contact given that H is in relationship with OW. It has not been easy and whats the alternative? because its easy to say , I will say stand your ground , he needs to know that there are consequences to his actions and that you are not going to let him control you.
This course of action is not going to be easy for you I suspect and realy you are the one living your life and only you can make the final decision.
Any suggestions on how to go.....it's been the same pattern so far; I get fed up...he tells me it's over, he's going to move forward, rent/buy a house & start keeping S5 a lot more. I start to back down, but move further away from spending time w/him-no intimacy. He acts like he doesn't care, but pulls in my other family members & shows how he can't do enough for them.
I broke the pattern by not responding to calls/email & not having any contact since last Weds. Should I keep that up?
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How did you find out, by the way???
I have my sources L
Also found that he did bail her out of foreclosure in March. This OW is going to hold on for dear life & not let go. She'll probably do whatever it takes to get me to finally call it a day.
From where I'm standing, it looks like your sitch is just getting started. You've been going around and around dancing with H for as long as I can remember, and it sounds like you've finally drawn your line in the sand.
IMO, Sunny, get ready for some fireworks. I can see your H pitching an unholy fit trying to get you back in line. Are you ready?
We all know you're one hell of a strong woman, but I think things are going to get uncomfortable for you in a new way. You've got some great advice here: play it cool, keep your focus. Good luck.
You know sunnyJ, you are driving H nuts with your resolve
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IMO, Sunny, get ready for some fireworks. I can see your H pitching an unholy fit trying to get you back in line. Are you ready?
I think Puddle is spot on here...and I know you can take this head on. Seems like continuing to be dim/dark is the way to go right now. And a BIG 180 will be to not let up on it at the first glimmer of cooperation/'making nicey' from H.
Oh, that we could step outside ourselves and take our own advice!
I'm pulling for you sunnyj...you are an amazing, strong person, and you can do this!!!
Yes, it is really just getting started & I'm preparing for the fireworks. Play it cool & keep my focus, even when it gets uncomfortable, which I can count on.
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Seems like continuing to be dim/dark is the way to go right now. And a BIG 180 will be to not let up on it at the first glimmer of cooperation/'making nicey' from H
Everyone seems to be in agreement here L, including me.
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he needs to know that there are consequences to his actions and that you are not going to let him control you.
He does need to know that, you're right Dave.
Well, the surprises keep coming, a call to her office to verify she wasn't in town today, resulted in "She no longer works here."
Uh Oh, with a huge mortgage to pay on her condo that H just helped her get out of foreclosure & no income, could be the reason H all of a sudden can't live in his little place any longer. I hope not, the thought of her living a few blocks away is almost intolerable....ugh.
the thought of her living a few blocks away is almost intolerable....ugh.
Ugh indeed. Let's hope that's not what's going on, but even if it is, you can handle it. Focus focus focus on you, and it won't matter where your very confused H and/or his friend is living. Which, of course, you know
Uh Oh, with a huge mortgage to pay on her condo that H just helped her get out of foreclosure & no income, could be the reason H all of a sudden can't live in his little place any longer. I hope not, the thought of her living a few blocks away is almost intolerable....ugh.
Yea, it would be pretty s$cky...however, if this in fact the accurate scenario, it may turn into a 'be careful what you wish for' situation for H. H would have a much harder time keeping control over everyone existing in mutually exclusive little spheres (i.e. as if you don't exist in OW/H world...)
Yea, it would be pretty s$cky...however, if this in fact the accurate scenario, it may turn into a 'be careful what you wish for' situation for H. H would have a much harder time keeping control over everyone existing in mutually exclusive little spheres (i.e. as if you don't exist in OW/H world...)
WOuld think that would drive H even more nuts...
I agree with L on this.
Stay calm Sunny dont get sucked into any pointless battles .
