Here is my second thread...I will try to figure out how to put my first in my sig.
Lately things have gone very well, we have been back living together since the first week of June and have looked very seriously at buying another house together. I am probably on the verge of piecing but would like to see a couple other things in place before declaring the D busted. In particular I would just love to hear her say ILY....she has shown it through actions but not through words.
I went out on a limb a little bit last week by setting up a "scavenger hunt" for our 12 anniversary of our first date. Basically I had little note cards set up that would point her to different places and there were little gifts there and another note throughout the day. The funny thing was everything a I "planned" for the scavenger hunt my W managed to throw a monkey wrench into it (not intentionally)....lol. Here is the run down in the order I set up
- Step 1 - I arranged for a pedicure (even had her co-workers work her schedule around), she went and got one the day before. I rebooked as a manicure - Step 2 - I gave her a gift card after the pedicure to buy clothes at her favorite store, she went shopping there the weekend before - Step 3 - I arranged for a gift of perfume to be waiting for her at her office. She decided she was going to work at the other office. I had to get one of her co-workers to get her to come back to the main office - Step 4 - I arranged for a single rose to be delivered at 4 saying I would pick her up at 6. She decided she wasn't going to work the whole day. So I arranged for it to come sooner - Step 5 - I arranged for dinner reservations at one of our favorite restaurants in the french quarter. There happened to be a festival there that weekend that would have made it possibly socially unacceptable for us to be in the french quarter. So we ended up going to another festival and got to listen to some music.
Overall, I feel it was a success in that I just rolled with it....almost a 180 for me. She also sent me a very nice thankyou. I got a little down because on the way home she passed out in the passenger seat and I just figured it was going to be like every other time we went out (have good time...W drinks too much...she falls asleep on the way home....no "fun" time). She surprised me though, and we actually ML. It was very nice and I really appreciated it because it was a 180 for her.
The weekend was very nice as well. We spent a large portion of it looking at houses...seems to be our hobby. On Sunday my W wanted to enter the twins in a Patriotic Pageant. It was interesting. My D got second place in her age group. My S won the overall male for the whole pageant....I tried to claim genetic adavantage but he was the only boy in the whole contest. I am still trying to wrap my mind around my S being given a certificate for "prettiest hair and prettiest smile"....and I thought DB was tough.....lol. The kids had a great time and we didn't put any pressure on them.
Overall, my W seems the happiest I have seen her in a long time....which makes me very pleased.
TwinDad Me 39, W 36, M 11 W - MLC, WAW???? 2 Kids B/G 3 YRS Old Start of the Long and Bumpy Road..... On the verge of piecing.....a new beginning
Thought the twists in your S hunt were quite funny! And congrats to the little ones for their awards.
I think you are piecing TD! Remember too that actions speak louder than words so if your wife shows you love then she loves you. The words will eventually come.
Jen *The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present*
hey there!! im so happy your sitch is taking a turn for the good! Personally, I'd prefer actions vs words than words and no actions. Be patient, you've come a long way, it is easy to overlook the positive steps and to hungrily look for what's not there yet, enjoy what you do have, the beginning of what can be.
I highly recommend the book "healing the hurt in your M" it is awesome. I liked the part about the mirror effect, what you reflect in your eyes to your S is what she becomes: if you cherish her and accept her and aprove of her she will grow, but if you see her failures and where she lacks this and that she will feel the dissapointment in your eyes. Easy does it
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
I highly recommend the book "healing the hurt in your M" it is awesome. I liked the part about the mirror effect, what you reflect in your eyes to your S is what she becomes: if you cherish her and accept her and aprove of her she will grow, but if you see her failures and where she lacks this and that she will feel the dissapointment in your eyes.
Cat, Thanks for the book idea, I will have to look it up. I think one area where the Sep has been good for us is having developed a greater appreciation for each other and their strengths and an acceptance of thier weaknesses.
Yesterday I had a very interesting observation and it was kind of brought out by my Mom when she asked if my S was having anymore tantrums.
It really made me look at my kids over the last 6 months. I really started to notice changes in them. My S really favored me and my D really favored my W and they each actually acted a little aggressive towards their opposite parent (i.e. D not wanting to give me a kiss goodnight). They even seemed to fight quite a bit. Additionally my S would have more meltdowns. Granted they are almost three and this is somewhat normal behavior.
Since things have been improving, I have noticed they want to spend more time with both parents, and we can not stop the giggling in the early evening (they are litterly goof-balls from about 5 to 8:30)....it is one of the most wonderful sounds I have ever heard. It is hard to believe what a significant impact even a short sep can have on your children. Unfortunately it only seemed apparent once things started to improve
I am not certain if my W has noticed the change, but I sure have. They really seem to feed off of the tension or lack there of in the M (even though we woudln't argue or fight).
Last edited by TwinDad; 07/09/0812:54 PM.
TwinDad Me 39, W 36, M 11 W - MLC, WAW???? 2 Kids B/G 3 YRS Old Start of the Long and Bumpy Road..... On the verge of piecing.....a new beginning
Things are going pretty decent, though I am thinking things might start to take a roller coaster dip again. I am still playing it fairly cool but my W is starting to come to the realization that her career is pretty much over (housing industry) and for a number of years that is how she has defined herself. Needless to say she is pretty depressed. She has also hinted around that she doesn't do well with an idle mind....sounds like tinges of the MLC coming through again. I really feel for her, she has very anxious lately....I don't blame her.
This weekend is still up in the air. She may go to the beach with some of her girl friends or we will take the kids to another pageant and possibly go out and buy new appliances for the house. Even if she goes to the beach, I plan to take the kids to the pageant, they enjoy it and it is paid for. Though, fixing my D hair ought to be intresting for me...lol
I liked reading your story on how you met your H on your thread it was very sweet
TwinDad Me 39, W 36, M 11 W - MLC, WAW???? 2 Kids B/G 3 YRS Old Start of the Long and Bumpy Road..... On the verge of piecing.....a new beginning
Oh, I'm sorry to hear that, it must be really hard for her. I suppose at least this time you have some warning, can spot the signs, and some new tools in your belt for dealing with the situation should it arise.
My advice on your daughters hair, stick to something simple, attempting anything too complicated will only end in disaster lol! I hope they have a lovely time at the pageant, I bet you are a very proud Dad!
Thanks for reading my thread, that time is really special too me
My advice on your daughters hair, stick to something simple, attempting anything too complicated will only end in disaster lol! I hope they have a lovely time at the pageant, I bet you are a very proud Dad!
hahaha.....lol....oh yeah it will be simple, I just learned recently how to put pony tails in her hair
That time should be special to you, sometimes it is nice to reflect upon that time. My first date with my W was a blind date. We were set up by her Mom (nothing like passing the MIL test pre-R). I had talked to her on the phone for about an hour+ the first time we talked (very natural) and then we had our first date......I lost my voice before the date....how is that for making an impression!
TwinDad Me 39, W 36, M 11 W - MLC, WAW???? 2 Kids B/G 3 YRS Old Start of the Long and Bumpy Road..... On the verge of piecing.....a new beginning
