Well I have been over in the newcomers for a while. My wife is acting like she is having an MLC and she is definitely a WAW. I have contributed my share of faults in the M no doubt, but am willing to work on me for a better us.
Now I have this to deal with. We are still married and she is dragging her feet on the big D. But now I have discovered that there is a possible OM. I have no concrete evidence but all the signs point to yes.
She has been acting very strange of course by going out and partying all night long and some nights not even coming home. She has stayed at some guys house when she was out partying and knew that night she would not be coming home. The second piece I found was just a couple of days ago. My wife had set up a trip to go to California with "friends" to get away. So I was with the kids and was helping my D clean the house before I took them to the airport. I walked into my W's bathroom and on the floor there was a note to meet up in room 208 for a night of fun. Now this was not specifically made out to her but I found the note with a envelope for a quick check out from the hotel. #rd and most recent thing I found was a receipt for packs of condoms, massage oils and such for her trip to Cali.
All of this makes me sick and like I said there is no concrete evidence about OM. She has sworn that she is not with OM and before she left for Cali on my b-day she told me she was going to just get away and she was not going out there to do anything!
I guess I want to know should I confront her about these issues and tell her that I do not want to be some door mat that she can just walk all over! I love my W and want this to work but this just rips my heart out.
Has she moved out yet? Are you physically separated or is this some wording? Whatever you do give her A LOT of leash. Trying to pull her back will only make her fight harder to get away. You don't want that. You want to let her go....
Unfortunately, intuition is usually right and I think you even have evidence supporting this. I don't think you need to confront her. You need to start working on detaching and focusing on YOU.
Go to the gym, buy some new clothes, make sure your hair looks great, go to the mall and find a new colonge, join a class in something you've always wanted to do, start GALing and doing some 180s.
So, share with me your list of what you plan to start doing for YOU this week....
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
Thanks for the reply running! I guess I should have went into more detail. I have moved out in April because it was cheaper for me to do so than her and the kids. And yes we ar seprated bu not legally.
I am tying so hard to detach right now but it is so friggin hard. And I guess I will not approach her about this because it will just drive that wedge between us even more.
I have been focusing on me more and my kids. I am trying to become a better father for them. I became so distant in our relationship that I feel like they thought they were being left out. The other day I sat down with my SD15 and tried to explain to her that I love her with all my heart and this has been unfair to her and my S6. We both sat thereand cried ad she told me that she loved me and that she never felt left out.
As for the whole GAL thing it is hard for me. I don't have many friends out here and no family..so basically no support. I feel uncomfortable going to the bars by myself and am not sure I would even want to meet anyone there. I have started working out some time ago and have lost 20 lbs. I even went and got a membership at a tanning salon.
Finance are very tough for me right now. When this all happened I was only working part time at nights so I could stay home with my S6 while he was not in school. I was also a full time student during this as well. Since then I have went full time on day shift but the pay is dismal because I work at a warehouse. Looking for something better but that could be a while.
Plans for this week are the typical. I work out everyday during the week and take the weekends off. I will tan every day as well but for now that is about it. Thinking about maybe getting back into religion, as I am not a very religious type, but I think I could use the extra support rigt now.
We are here to support each other. Some have been here a while, others, not so long. I'm glad and thankful to have found this place. You will get a lot of good advice.
Yeah, unfortunatly, it sounds like she is doing things she ain't supposed to be doing. Unsure if there is a specific OM or something else.
In Him, all things are possible.
Me 47, WW 38 SS18, D15, D10
Good Bye Girl. No longer SAYING she's moving out. GBG moved out 8-1-08
"I have now decided to enjoy life instead of figure it out."
Go check out a few churches. You'll make some friends and maybe find a "separated and divorce" support group. I know here in California there's Divorce Care. One of my friends went there. Some people are separated, many in divorce, and others have been through it and are healing. This type of group will offer a lot of support.
I know what you mean about bars. I had never even been in one until my H left and filed for D. I was your typical soccer mom. But I felt so depressed and lonely that I knew I needed to be around people. And even though I had friends, most were married. So when I was alone I would dress hot (had to feel I at least looked good after being dumped), go to a good resturant bar where I knew there would be people (like Elephant Bar or Friday's), and I'd sit at the bar, order dinner and a chocolate martini (yeeeeah!!!) and I'd even bring a small notebook to journal my thoughts, create poems, make shopping lists, whatever... and I'd slowly eat and just try to enjoy going out. I'd also talk with people. It was kind of neat because I met a lot of different people... couples, other women, men, young, old... sometimes I didn't meet anyone, but other times I'd have some real interesting conversations. I never tried to necessarily make "friends," but I got to listen to others talk about their life, share some of my thoughts and I just found it kind of helpful. It's funny, but now I have absolutely no fears of going into a bar alone! And I didn't used to feel that way.... of course, as a tiny woman I would limit myself to one drink and I'd be cautious about where I parked or sharing anything too personal just in case someone was a nut. The LBS is in a vulnerable position.
You can even look for local music, go see some live bands or go to events. I found anything that just got me out of the house was nice.
Tanning salon!??? Yikes!!!! You realize tanning can cause skin cancer... Are you talking about a spray-on tan? I've started using those sun screen lotions that bronze and they seem to work pretty good. Maybe you would want to try one of those. Definitely much cheaper than a tanning salon. But it's not "too tan," just enough to set off the blond hair and create a little glow.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
I am going to check out a local church just down the street from me. And while I am at it I will search for some of those support groups you mentioned.
As for going to the bars alone it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I am usually a pretty reserved person but this is slowly changing, which is one of my goals. I started talking to random people as we were all watching the UFC fights. Was pretty interesting to hear their outlook on certain things.
And yes I am aware that tanning can cause skin cancer but it is only for a month to get my tan kick started. Once it is going then I will just sit by the pool and do it naturally. I was always a little embarrased of my body and shy as well, but now that I have lost weight and I think you can start to see a 2 pack in my gut which is a 1/3 of the way to the six pack again. I am just going to keep plugging away at this stuff to get me in the rightt!!
As for the whole sitch I have not heard from the W since saturday and oddly enough no one else has either. It is a shame that she cant take 10 minutes out of her busy schedule to call the kids, how disgusting!!
I talked to the in-laws today so I could speak with my son. And the FIL was asking questions about us. He said not to worry about him being the father because he thinks of me as his son! So I told him all the gory details and he became furious at how she could do this to our family. I also told him in no way do I think badly of her and that I still love her even though this is happening. He assured me he is going to stay out of this and will not say a word.
But I am done for a bit I just need to get some stuff done.
