Tell In-laws???

[failycrazy23]

My wife is having at least an EA with somebody, she will NOT admit that it is an affair. Should I tell her family (my in-laws). I really don't think they would approve. So my idea would be to add additional pressure on here affair.

[lost_in_space]

Not DB'g to expose, but you will hear support for exposure from some here. I have done with OMW.

IMO, need PROOF before any thought os exposure.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

FC23,

Yes, I think you should. It worked very well for me. But as Lost says, you have GOT to have proof. Iron-clad. Sit down with your in-laws, tell them that you love their daughter and that what you're about to tell them is very painful for you, but you felt they should know. Tell them that you do not want to divorce, but that you want to work at your marriage but you can't do it when there's a third person involved.

Some caveats:

1. As I said, you have to be CERTAIN of the affair.

2. ONLY do this if you think you can handle it -- there WILL be major blow-back. Your wife will be LIVID. (It goes away, but there will be damage that will have to be repaired).

3. ONLY consider doing this if it is to bring pressure to bear to end their affair, NOT if you're doing it out of "spite" or simply to "get even."

4. Know going in that they MAY not support you the way you would like. "Blood is thicker than water" applies here.

What evidence do you have that your wife is having an affair?

Puppy

[hoosiermama]

From personal experience--it was not helpful for me to do this. I didn't contact H's parents--they're a little too wacky--but rather a brother-in-law and sister-in-law, partly because SIL is a psychiatrist and they're the in-laws I've felt closest to. I even provided proof in the form of emails. Initially they were very supportive, I felt sure they would talk with H. But very shortly, H contacted them and told them god knows what--and now I have been cut off from even casual contact. They want no part of me. However, very supportive of H--altho I'm sure he has denied the A in spite of my proof.

So even though it seemed a sure thing and a well-considered plan, it pretty much blew up in my face. That's just my experience; others have had better results.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

I did have to re-expose to my mother- and father-in-law two or three times, as they SO wanted to believe their daughter's contention that "he's just a friend," and my wife was spinning them pretty good. I just stuck to my guns, and really worked at keeping my relationship with them. But every time something new and signficant would happen (like my personally witnessing my wife meeting up with OM in a parking lot, and driving off with him), I re-exposed to them.

Puppy

[Starshyne]

I exposed to my FIL and MIL early on, but it didn't change anything. The first time I told them (in January) they just said, "well this is just shocking!" And left it at that. Never talked to H like I thought they would. The next time (In April), MIL just went on and on about what a big jerk H is and he should have never done this to me. The the last time (In May) she said he was an SOB. But they never did talk to him about it. Still...I am glad that I exposed it to them because they would have to had learned sooner or later and H sure wasn't talking to them.

You do need to make sure that the information you have is accurate before you tell anyone.

Good luck!