Real Life part 6

[Starshyne]

I haven't been around for awhile. I have been spending time by myself just trying to wrap my mind around all of this. I no longer belong in this forum, but I don't want to leave it right now. You aren't going to kick me out, are you?

Here is a little update on what has been going on. On Tueday H signed the papers for the divorce. On Wednesday the lawyer's secretary called and said "You are divorced, the judge signed the papers." Now...I am not offically divorced but I am divorced. That doesn't make any sense to me. But he has 30 days to appeal (but he doesn't know that) so by Aug 2, it will be final.

H calls at least 3 times a day now. Typically his first call is to ask me if he has gotten any mail. His 2nd call is to ask me a question about something (who is the mortage with, who is the car loan with...etc etc). And the 3rd call is to ask me if he can come to the house to get something he has left. I know that he is just calling to keep in touch with me.

He also tries to make me feel sorry for him. Now in a way I do feel sorry for him because he is so pathetic and brought all of this on himself when he had a perfectly good and normal life. But I don't let him know in any way that I feel sorry for him. If anything HE should be feeling sorry for ME. He goes into these stories about how hard it is to find an apartment. I remind him that the deal was he got the money and had to be out of the house in 14 days. Now it is 11 because I am couting down the day. (oh...almost 10!) Then he will sit in his car outside of the house for Lord knows how long because he has "no where else to go." He sure had somewhere to go for the past 7 months and at 2am to boot!

Oh and get this. OW wanted me to add her as a friend on myspace. WTF!! I changed my cell phone number so that she won't contact me and have done everything to not be around her. What is with these people?????

I dont' understand why everyone here keeps saying that I am strong. I sure don't feel strong. A day doesn't go by that I don't cry....and I mean bawl. The other day I came here to post something and that video FG posted for me made me cry so hard that I couldn't see to post. Sometimes I just sit at home and cry and cry and cry. I am trying to learn how to heal from this, but it is all so fresh that I think it will take awhile.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Sara,

"Strong" is what you are when you're weak as hell, but you press on anyway.

It's what you do when you don't feel like doing ANYTHIUNG, but you press on anyway.

It's what you are when you face your fears, and you press through them.

Yeah, you're strong.

Puppy

[hopeful4her]

Sara, being strong doesn't mean that you have no feelings about your situation. I think that being strong shows that you made a decision ABOUT your sitch and did the right thing, even though it was hard as hell.

Thats why you are being called strong.

[hopeful4her]

And the Myspace invite. She is just a freak!

[kat727]

((((Sara))). You are dealing with a very difficult situation and handling it as well if not better than expected. Sadly, we just have to take each day and try to make it better than the one before. I just read the book, PS I Love You(yes, I've got the movie too) but in it, the husband that knew he was dying, planned out several tasks to get his wife to live again without him.

I am trying to do that. Maybe one step forward every couple of weeks. I have cried a lot this weekend and not just over my car. So I took a step backwards, I still have made tons of progress and so have you. Let's think of something small that will help you on your way to living shall we?

kat

[girlfromipanema]

"Strong" is what you are when you're weak as hell, but you press on anyway.

It's what you do when you don't feel like doing ANYTHIUNG, but you press on anyway.

It's what you are when you face your fears, and you press through them.

Yeah, you're strong.

My sentiments EXACTLY. You are inspiringly strong, Sara.

[lodo]

hey sara,

it takes awhile. it's better to cry and get it all out than stifle it up inside.

there are never any clear answers - only what we can do for ourselves and you've been doing that.

if you ever get tired of myspace, there's a bunch of us on fb. just search for some of the names.

lodo

[Yoyowife]

Sara,
They say that time heals all wounds, that's what we can hope for. Just keep being the wonderfull person you are you will be the one that comes out on top. It's just hard for any of us to see that about ourselves right now, certainly me included.

Hugs, Yoyo

[Starshyne]

Thanks everyone. I talked to my best friend for the first time today. I call her my best friend, but really we rarely talk, but whenever we do it is like we haven't been apart at all. She is a woman's counselor and she sounded just like all of you. She said that she was amazed how strong I am through all of this. I still have trouble seeing that in myself. I just did what I need to do even though I didn't want to do it.

I just avoided a big confrontation with H. The shower in the basement (the one he uses because we only have a bathtub without a shower) was leaking all over the floor and making a huge mess. So my Dad came over and turned off all of the water supply to it. I knew this was going to PO H is a major way and so I made my Dad call him and tell him. I just didn't have the patience to listen to H tell me how mean I was and I couldn't turn off his shower.

I just keep telling myself 10 more days...10 more days.... H still hasn't moved a thing out of the house.

I really like myspace because I chat with my friends from collect on there. I have never tried fb. Anyone here on myspace?

[lodo]

Hi sara,

10 more days ...

I have friends like you describe as well. They're amazing! Every time I talk to them I feel bad that I didn't do more to maintain more frequent contact, but then again it doesn't really matter. Anyway, I'm glad you're getting that support.

lodo