Well its offical. my W went to a friends last night and announced she was going to serve papers during our lunch date today.. W stated she just wanted out and for it to be done. I will be callinjg a lawyer prior to the lunch. almosty made it 7 months. now shes done.
sounds kind of pathetic but i guess I will DB a final time. I will tell her I dont want this but if she needs it to be happy then so be it I whish her well. I will also bring up then we need to meet next week to split ALL of the bills and any joint accouts we have need to be split. She has been on me since day one of the seperation about the fact she cant afford the new veichel, even though she took it with her. I guess in my mind if you posses it you pay for it.
Im numb and not looking forward to this. my heart is dead
Marcum, I'm so sorry. It made me sad to see the title of your new thread. I can say that even with papers, it's not over. I was served papers 5yrs ago, and we're still here today. I'm pretty sure, look into it, but I don't think she can serve you the papers herself. Needs to be done by a third party. She needs to pay for the car herself, or turn it in for something less expensive. You are not to pay for it. If this is what she wants, then she needs to live in reality. Ask the lawyer about alimony because your wife will likely bring that up as well
Me 36 Husband 35 D5 S2 separated: 10/29/07-present Served divorce papers 1/22/09 "When the world gives out beneath your feet, it is time to learn how to fly."
Just keep DB'ing. Keep cool no matter what happens. That's if you still want her back. I know it's hard to keep strong when everything seems to be crumbling around you.
You just stopped the chasing recently and it takes time for it to be effective. No one knows the future - I mean no one. If I only had a nickle for every time I predicted incorrectly...
Negative projection is easy. Try to keep your mind in neutral or positive territory. Good luck.
Ken
MySitch Me-47 STBXW-41 D-5 S-8 ILYBNILWY-01/08 Want a D- 01/09 Physical Sep-01/10 D filed-06/10 Got 50% custody=09/11 Ride that wave!
Me 36 Husband 35 D5 S2 separated: 10/29/07-present Served divorce papers 1/22/09 "When the world gives out beneath your feet, it is time to learn how to fly."
My H informed me my papers will be coming any day. I totally understand feeling totally defeated. At this point I think I need to shift my thinking to doing what I have to do to for me and my girls, and pray that somewhere in the mix he comes around, but I'm trying to keep some part of me open to him.
Split the finances, get a plan in place, but like others have advised me, it's not up to us to do this FOR them. She should take the work on. You don't have to go out of your way to speed it along. Be cordial, validate her feelings ,but I wouldn't help it along easily. Hang in there. I'm tryin'.
Chris
__________ Me:39 H:39 D:8 D:4 M:9 (T 13) Bomb 4-5-08, H moved out 6-16-08, Reconciled and H moved back in 5-31-09 Still doing GREAT a year later!!!
she called and asked if I still wanted to get lunch today. I was upbeat and didnt show that i knew.
she called back 20 min later and canceled the lunch date. I just told her OK have a good weekend.
Monday morning I am going to the bank to talk to a banker about what I should do. she told her frien I guess that she was done when she moved out 6 months ago she just realises it now. she cant get over the " abuse" she had to take in out marrage. she dfosent look at me the same.
in ths same breath her friend told me that she seemed in lala land. she was talking about how great her job wqas going and how fun it was to go danceing 2 nights a week but o ya she was going to give Marcum papers because she jusat cant get over what happned in the marrage. she seems in denile that it takes TWO to either make ofr break a marrage. she wanted that new relasonship smell but didnt want to try on her end.
do I want her back? yes but not as she is. she would not talke about any problems in our M untill they were so bg that no matter what I did she was leaving. I need someone to TALK TO ME and let me know how they are feeling.
I will be LRT now. I will have to contact her before the 15 to let her know I am finaly spliting the money. I miss my friend
Hi. I can see where all of this is good. She has been dragging you through the worst part of it for a long time. If she does something, like serve you papers, then you will be finished with the painful limbo that you (we) are experiencing now. I believe that you will finally be able to live in a better world where you know where you stand and you can stand. This, my friend, is where you need to be if you are going to make it work with her or anyone else. I love writing to you. It reminds me that I do understand this stuff even if I can't always make myself feel better, and you are the same. Let her serve. Move on. Stand up.
It is so weird how they only remember the bad things. My W spent the weekend with the kids and could only tell me stories of how bad they were. I picked them up and had a wonderful time. I am hoping it is temporary. She wasn't always like that.
As for missing the friend. Sigh. Me too. We will have a friend like that again. That's what they say. And they are almost always right. Maybe it will be the same one. Not today, though. Now get happy with what is going on. I understand if that sounds stupid. It always does to me. But every now and then I realize, happiness is the key. Try this, at the end of today, how would you like to do it over again. You would know exactly what she would or wouldn't do. I would relax and enjoy the good parts and skip the bad parts. Don't wait, do it the first time. You can pretty much guess what she is going to do or not do.
Don't worry. You and I are going to take the rest of this life and enjoy it. Come on!
I am writing to me as well as to you. I wish we didn't have so much in common, but we do. Good Luck. L
Me 41 W 39 d7, s4 M 13 Bomb ILYBNILWY November 28th, 2007
(((Marcum))) I am so sorry that you are going through this. But it is a good sign she canceled lunch, maybe she is having second thoughts???
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
she called me about lunch today. my stomack was in knotes, but I dressed up and acted upbeat. she gave me a hug when she arived and we walked to a pizza place. we made small talk. she brought up all the fun stuff she doea now, O and how she got writen up at work for wearing to reveling of a top. she also got writen up for being rude to co-workers. this may sound dumb but she njust dosent get it. she did ask what I thought about us as we havent talked in a while. i said
" well I'm using this time apart as a real self reflectuion time. weather I'm inproving for us or for myself I feel i am steadly re-finding myself. I have a lot to work on but im takeing it a day at a time"
fior some reason I dont think she wanted to hear that as the topic got changed. shes moving at the end of the month as her 'good friend" is selling her place and she wants out kitchen table now. I told her no problem. I alsio brought up we are spliting the money so we should talk again about that and she asked if I want to see a movie tonight. So after i type this I am texting her times. more later
Well, she didn't serve you papers like she had originally planned. I LOVE your answer to her question. Very well done!
Me 36 Husband 35 D5 S2 separated: 10/29/07-present Served divorce papers 1/22/09 "When the world gives out beneath your feet, it is time to learn how to fly."
