I thought a little bit more about the differences between the types of compliments that I find flattering and the those that are annoying.
A Canadian friend complimented me last week and that felt flattering. Another person complimented me last week - and it felt like he had already mentally undressed me - felt annoying - considering that I didn't even know him.
I can't quite quantify the difference. This is important to me b/c it isn't that I don't enjoy compliments... Perhaps when I get the sense that the person complimenting me considers my appearance to be one aspect of who I am... As opposed to those that compliment with an agenda or cannot see beyond my appearance.
Of course there are Indian men that objectify women and non-Indian men that are able to see women beyond their physical parts. My male girlfriends are examples of such non-Indian men.
I always dress professionally for seminars/conferences/work. For the first time in years, I felt comfortable going to the second day of the seminar - where I actually not only wore my hair down - but also styled it. I felt comfortable b/c it was an environment where looking nice and having a brain was not considered to be mutually exclusive. And next year - I will wear a sari to the banquet.
I really did have to intially become "invisible" and of an "ambigous gender" to form my Remmington Steele law firm to be successful in my line of work. No one - not a single male client sent me work when I was "visible." Oh - they met with me - and flirted with me - but when it came time to send out work - they picked a man. I posted a couple of years about how I was removing these men from my network b/c they were never going to send me work - and I was tired of biting my tongue when they said something they thought was cute/flattering. And now - I cannot keep up with the work. This cannot be just a coincidence. But it is too bizzare to say there is a correlation. I am a phenominal rainmaker - as long as I am invisible.
I was also thinking about the discrimination stuff. I have experienced far more discrimination as a woman than as an Indian. The whole post 9/11 thing is annoying - but the people that think brown Caucasion is synonymous with terrorist - are not the type of people I normally associate with anyway - so beyond concerns about loss of Constitutional rights - and as long as you stay out of their way - it really doesn't affect me on a day to day basis. Although if anyone that voted for W twice approaches me - well that really annoys me b/c I feel like saying "make up your mind - are you afraid of people that look like me - or are you only afraid until your other head starts talking?" In some ways 9/11 brought people that are disposed to racially profile are out in the open - so you know exactly who they are.
The woman thing has affected me on a much more day to day basis and impacted my professional development.
I suppose everyone has issues. And i am rambling. I was a little surprised myself at how relaxed I was at the social events this past weekend. Made me realize how high my guard normally is when I leave my hermit habitat.
