H informed me he plans to file very soon. Probably this week or next. I'm of course devastated once again. I prayed the separation could gives us some much needed space but it's only been 2 weeks and he's already on to the final step.
I'm needing to hear how you all do it after papers are filed. How do you hold out hope. Has anyone had any good experiences after the papers were filed? H told me a statistice a month ago he read in his divorce recovery book that said 25-30% of all divorce cases filed, never go all the way through. That's a pretty encouraging stat, but H has not given me ANY reason to be encourages through all of this.
I'm needing some hope now. Anyone have any to give?
Chris
__________ Me:39 H:39 D:8 D:4 M:9 (T 13) Bomb 4-5-08, H moved out 6-16-08, Reconciled and H moved back in 5-31-09 Still doing GREAT a year later!!!
We had papers filed back about 5 yrs ago. There was a 6mo period before becoming final. H decided right before the 6mos that he wanted to stop the divorce. He called the divorce company that filed the papers, and they told him that they never sent the papers to the court, because they hadn't heard from him in the 6mos. Sounds flukey, and look where we are today, same crap 5yrs later.
I find it interesting that he even told you about the stats. What divorce recovery book was he reading and why?
Me 36 Husband 35 D5 S2 separated: 10/29/07-present Served divorce papers 1/22/09 "When the world gives out beneath your feet, it is time to learn how to fly."
You kind of already know my story, but my H filed. He even went to the courthouse the day it was supposed to be final. He saw the judge, then he couldn't go through with it. It didn't become a reality to him until then.
It happens. Just focus on yourself and your girls. Give him his space and don't bring it up.
I guess in my case things are a little different because I am the one considering filing papers. I moved out a little over a week ago and now my husband has applied for a loan to buy his own house. . .a week after I leave?!
He is co-signing with his dad (whom I despise and do not trust for good reasons) and I want no part of this thing finacially. I am trying to save my marriage but at the same time my husband is showing no interest in fixing things and I do not want to be screwed over for the rest of my life when my husband wrecks my good credit with this business deal.
I am happy to hear that some people still make it after they file. I kind of wonder if filing scares the other spouse into changing. Like a reality check? Anyone done that before? Does it work or backfire and you end up divorced?
My husband left to an undisclosed address (living with his girlfriend) three weeks after saying he wanted to live his own life, immediately filing for divorce. I was taken by surprise, though in hindsight, I'd been very anxious. That happened at the end of February of this year.
My state has a 'cooling off period' which is or has just come due. I told my lawyer and my husband that I'm not ready to be divorced. I don't know how much that matters but no one asked me how I felt about an expedited divorce. The two lawyers and my spouse were fine with it.
Everyone's separation is different. I found the online coaching very helpful. The emphasis went from getting rid of the negative for him to getting rid of the negative for me. I had to heal before I could do anything. It's still a process. Finding a great counselor and support of friends and family has been incredible. But my situation is getting to be old news. "Let it go." is the most common advice.
Perhaps he'll wake up, take responsibility for his actions. The one thing I'm learning is that I have to do the same... wake up from my own fog that's been going on for years and take responsibility for my life.
And I think.. that's how you get hope... for yourself.
I think you have it! Being responsible for yourself and your own happiness is the best thing you can do. It's what we all should have realized earlier, I think.
Gypsy... my W and i are legally separated. However, in NY, that means you have a year and a day before either one of us can file for D. Then the process takes about 2 months....
ME:32 WAW:31 D #1: 3.5 D #2: 2 Together: 13 M:6 Bomb Dropped: 2/15/08 Sep legally: 6/18/08
"Tommorrow there'll be sunshine, and all this darkness past..." -Bruce Springsteen Land of Hope and Dreams
I find it interesting that he even told you about the stats. What divorce recovery book was he reading and why?
Yeah, stupid me took it as a slight positive and it gave me hope, but I think truly it was him just trying to soften the blow. The book is a book his therapist recommended to him. It's some big famous Divorce Recovery book (like the bible of divorces apparently). Anyway, when he told me he wanted to file soon (a month ago) I got upset and was asking if we could just have some time (it's quick in Colorado, only 90 days to be done). I mentioned that I felt he would be much less likely to stop it once the ball got rolling. Then he threw that stat out to me from the book.
I'm honestly so jealous of the states that have a much longer waiting time, or mandatory separation first, or some even require couseling. Colorado sucks. It's 90 days, and because we have kids we'll have to go to one like 2 hours co parenting class together. That's it. Nice. Love the reverence for marriage. No wonder there is a 50% divorce rate.
Well, still no papers yet ,but I know they are coming. And I hate feeling like a sitting duck. Yesterday a truck came down our road, with some county symbol on the side of it. There are only 5 houses on my road (country road) and he parked down it and sat for like 10 minutes then left again. The whole time I was in my house holding my breath, thinking I was getting served. I hate just waiting. And H has assured me he'll tell me when it's coming out of respect, but I honestly just don't know what I can trust with him anymore. I hate this.
Chris
__________ Me:39 H:39 D:8 D:4 M:9 (T 13) Bomb 4-5-08, H moved out 6-16-08, Reconciled and H moved back in 5-31-09 Still doing GREAT a year later!!!
Hi-My H walked out a year ago -usual script"We both need to get a life Ive wanted to leave for years a divorce is only answer" etc etc. I fell apart-he was my life- but arranged divorce papers etc. We got as far as divorce nisi after that you wait 6 weeks.....sign on dotted line and have divorce absolute. We did a bit of counselling and 2 weeks before I was due to send signed paper off he says" you have changed could we delay divorce?" Sad to say he is still unsure we are still separated but it does go to show they can go right up to the line and then think again!
