What is your story? You always seems to post to me when I'm heading in the wrong direction and I thank you. I'd like to know a little about your backstory and how you ended up here.
Joe
M 35 W 28 D 4
Bomb 4/28/08 Found out about PA 05/14/08 Separated 5/25/08 (not legally)
Wow AD...tried to find my old posts, but I think they've gone by the wayside as I haven't had a thread of my own since early 2007.
Let's see...nutshell version.
Married in 1985, I was 23 she was 19.
Had two boys along the way in 87 and 92. I was military (army) for first five years, then back to school to become a teacher. Started teaching in 96, she was a lab tech at local hospital.
Normal marriage I thought. Ups and downs but generally happy. Never any infidelity on either part, but some issues with things I did that hurt her and let her down. She came from a family where Mom had some mental health issues.
September of 2006 she attempts suicide after an argument. She never made it back home. In patient care for a week, then moved in with a couple we knew. Unbeknownst to me began to have sex with other men, doing the dance club scene with a divorced female friend from work.
She filed in October 2006, divorce final in December 2006. She refused counseling, painted the whole 20 year marriage black in typical MLC fashion.
During a visit to her father in September she reached out to a guy she had had a crush on when she was 16. He turned out to be 49 and never married. Told her he had never found anyone better than her, she bought it.
In May 2007 she moved 500 miles to live with him, leaving behind a son in college and a 14 year old at home.
I met a lovely woman in early 2007 and we began communicating back and forth, eventually meeting for the first time in March. Our relationship blossomed and we married on June 28th of this year. She has three children (22, 15, 12) and I have the two (21, 16) and they get along great. We are living apart because of a promise I made to my youngest to ensure that he could live in his home and finish school in his school.
I'm a success story where the marriage was NOT saved. I found out a lot of things about myself that needed changed. This experience has made me think before acting. It has taught me the importance of being a man of your word and of communicating my thoughts and feelings. My relationship with my wife Debra benefits from all that I have learned.
And I guess I stay here because I know how hard this is. I lived that anguish for many months and somehow managed to find my way through it. I know that success is measured not necessarily in terms of just the marriage, but in how we handle perhaps the worst pain we will know short of losing a loved one.
Hope that sheds some light on me.
Blessings,
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
Bill thanks for sharing. I'm sure many of us are thankful you stay and support so many that are going through what you've already experienced. Although most are trying to save their M, it is great to see you've found somebody.
Well not much has been going on since the Friday debacle. W has been pretty absent. Today, of course she annoyed me once again. Abby hates being the last one picked up at school and although W was off today, she picked Abby up late. Don't get what's so important. Then drops her off and quickly leaves. So self-involved.
I was looking for a book in my box tonight and stumbled onto one of Ws old journals. It was from 99-2000 and only about a couple months worth. But it did get me thinking. Just by reading it the only thing she had going for he was me. She complained about no friends, hating work and wanting a child (recently we had an abortion at that time). I look back and she was so lacking in self-confidence that I think the family thing was because she "needed" something to feel important. I think looking back that I kinda new this so I should have realized that at some point our M would hit the point we are at. Maybe not to this extent but to a certain level. My mom always hinted about it. Where was my head when this began in 06?
M 35 W 28 D 4
Bomb 4/28/08 Found out about PA 05/14/08 Separated 5/25/08 (not legally)
AD we cant go back in time to fix things, I wish we could because it took this huge mess for us to realize our problems that contributed and also theirs. It does us no good to sit there and say what if, believe me I know I used to do it all the time. All we can do now is move forward and pray things work out.
Adad... I feel for you. I have been thru this and I WON! It is the hardest thing you will ever do - but in the end - no matter which way it goes... try to find empowerment in this experience because it will require more strength than anyone knows. (So you actually learn something about yourself in the process) Especially when kids are involved. I admire you and how you are staying strong and focused on your daughter. Keep doing that. But seriously... the BEST thing that worked for me was just going BLACK as hell and putting my foot down.. (NO TEXTING to update her on your D - she will just think you are doing it to make her feel guilt - which she SHOULD) and yes sticking to it.. no back steps. It worked so swiftly I was amazed. The beginning was ssoooo hard because I kept going back and forth... but once I hit my wall and went black... wow.
The grass is just NOT greener!
She will realize this soon enough.. and you may or may not decide to be there... it is your call. Stand from that position and you will feel like you have more control over what is happening.
I know it is hard to eat.. man I lost so much weight so fast.. went 10 days straight with no food.. just tears. But you have to get past that and take care of yourself. I quickly realized this and felt so much better once I found a way to feel like I was in control of SOMETHING when everything else in my life seemed to lie in some other damn OW hands.
Just GALing. I jog everyday and I feel like Forrest Gump (in the movie). Plug in my Ipod and away I go. Dealing with W and friends. Actually, contact is limited. An old friend of hers is having her bday gathering this weekend and surprisingly (not) I haven't heard from our friend. Guess I know where they stand....never true friends. Known her and her bf for 10 years. Whatever!
I wonder how many people are like me and fine someone to hang out with (opposite sex) and never come back to post. I honestly think my W and I will never be together again. Had an nice session with therapist this week and we both found some issues W has and I'm starting to think it wasn't meant to be. I'm hangin all day tomorrow this OW and i'm looking forward to it. We are just friends and that's all I want it to be but who knows. I still keep up with things on here but time is just getting too short in the day. Abby, her bday, me GALing, MIL getting ready to go, W's drama-filled life...there's just not enough hours. Who knows????
Joe
M 35 W 28 D 4
Bomb 4/28/08 Found out about PA 05/14/08 Separated 5/25/08 (not legally)
You know I will probably just hang around and post regardless, if for anything else provide support for others. I have a feeling I missed the guy that was supposed to serve me papers today. Got a call from some guy saying he had a package for me and if I was home. So I only assume that's what it is. I decided I am going to wrap them up in a nice box and give them to my W on her b-day which is Aug. 9th, what better present could a WAW want...a gift that keeps on giving lol!
If anything should falter we should exchange e-mails somehow just to stay in touch, I would love to get to meet some of you people just to have one heck of LBS party!! Take care of yourself Joe and remember to keep an open mind and an open heart(if you want to) when with the OW.
It was a fun day. Four hour conversation about almost anything and everything. Can't have a conversation over 20 mins with W, haha. Of course, I had 3 missed calls from W....I was an hour late and didn't realize it. W says what were you doing, etc? I said I was just out.
I don't know what all this means but I honestly don't think I want to have a R with OW. Its just fun to hang out. Its also not like I'm going to file for D because of this too. Its just so surreal. I'm happy and I'm sad at the same time. Guess, like always, I'll just play it one day at a time. This are some real mixed emotions right now.
M 35 W 28 D 4
Bomb 4/28/08 Found out about PA 05/14/08 Separated 5/25/08 (not legally)
