So, I was going through some papers and came across a dog-eared piece of paper with the following post on it. I wish I could credit the author, but I only know I printed it out in Feb.'07 and it was a lifeline for me when I was at the point I see a lot of "piecers" at. Maybe it'll resonate with someone.
------------------------------------------------------- Give yourself a gift. Give your WS a gift. Focus on the fact that this was and is about WS, not OW.
I know it must have been hell to have her introduced into your live. But she was just a dog on a leash with no one to lead her around. She was available when your H began his unavoidable journey. Many people facing their journey do not want to walk alone. But they do know that you can not accompany them. They are of another world at that time, and they know you do not belong.
That difference between the two of you at that time is a defining and dividing force of nature. Still, most men do not like being alone. They quickly accept the company of a dog. They easily pick up the leash and feel secure that they will not be alone in their journey.
Sometimes they know that they are just temporarily walking someone else's dog, and that they will drop the leash somewhere down the road. Sometimes they fool themselves into thinking they will keep the dog as it is nice to not be alone in their otherworld. Thinking of it all this way is not so hard when you try. It is a very appropriate analogy. And it is very sad to see someone's alien lowering themself to accepting a life with someone else's dog.
Your H walked a dog. Let it go. The dog can not make your H go for a walk if he does not want to. The dog will never make anyone go for a walk that does not want to. If your are seeing my thinking, I am going to wrap this up in a bow now. A man does not go walk a dog just to walk the dog. While the man is walking the dog, he is thinking. He is wondering if this is all there is to life. He is wondering if the dog will even miss him when he is gone. He is wondering if anyone will be at home when he is finished walking the dog. He wonders what projects he should start when he gets home after his walk. His walk was not about you or the dog; only him.
Your H is coming home. He has been doing a lot of internal thinking on his walk. It matters not what the name of the dog was, nor where he found the leash, or where he dropped it. The dogs are not of our world. If you believe in some kind of karma, you must feel sorry for the wandering life of a dog. Your H found himself and his answers. He knew his walk was over and he had his answers. He no longer had a need or interest in the dog. He was ready to stop his walk, and start his living.
That does not just mean return to live in his house. It means the whole package. It means return to everything in life that matters. Dogs from the otherworld do not matter in this world. Do not spend any more time in this world thinking about the dogs of the otherworld. It is a waste of your time. It is painful for your H to see in you, and he will. He will forever regret that he took his walk, but he will always know that powers beyond his understanding or control made him do it.
He had his walk and asked life his questions. He found his answers. They will not change. Don't ask him things he already asked himself, and answered. That would be questioning his decisions. He made the right one. Allow him, or help him past his walk by embracing his decisions and living with him in this world, always and only in this world.
Hi Deauxlie--this is an interesting analogy...I like it.
I think I'm to the point now that I accept everything that happened, and the pain is mostly gone. We seem to be in a much better place...better than before everything went so terribly wrong. Not perfect, but better. Hallelujah!
Secretly, though, I do believe in some kind of karma...and while I don't really wish her ill, I hope that dog never shows its face in my world again.
The problem I have with that analogy is that it is not of another world at all. It is the same world. And if one of my dogs found out that one of us walked another dog, there would be a lot of anger in my house about that. Even a dog doesn't stand still for his owner walking another dog.
The post was written by Was2Sad (I hope I remember it right) on Yellowrose's thread. I love this post!
Thank you for sharing it, I was glad to read it again.
I ask not for a lighter burden, but for broader shoulders ____________________________________________________ M 46 H 45 D 17 M/T 23 Bomb #1 (ILYBNILWY) 12.06 Bomb #2 (OW) 12.07 Bomb #3 (chose OW over M) 9.08
So good to hear from you Aud... especially that you're in a place that keeps getting better.
Sara-- I understand what you are saying. Metaphor darling. Everyone takes comfort where they can. Some let God take the wheel and are able to be still during that time while they decide. It was only later that I became strong enough to decide for myself.
I'm finally going through the journals/copies of posts/letters I didn't send and putting them behind me. There are some that kept me standing when financially, emotionally, and maybe even logically I'd have been better off *cutting bait*.
As I close another chapter in this phase of our lives, I want to tribute some who helped me without knowing. I'm sorry I insulted dogs though. ;-)
Hi Stella, thanks so very much for acknowledging the author for me. I hope Yellowrose is doing well.
Yes, Deauxlie, I was too literal. And of course, even if my dogs would have been momentarily curious and angry about the other dog (only because they wanted to play with him or her) they would have forgotten about it pretty quickly too. I agree whatever helps at the time is very helpful. I no longer even remember the thoughts that I clung to to get me through.
::sigh:: I don't either. I have all this stuff that I printed out and notebooks full of journaling that I haven't looked at since the move 11 months ago. I guess I'm looking back a little at a time.
I hope everything's going great for you! I think I missed a birthday of yours but you are celebrating this coming weekend with the kids? Not even sure whose thread that was on. Anyhow, so happy for you and hope you have a great time with them.
My 1st born just turned a quarter century the other day. His dad always calls on his birthday.... it was a traumatic birth, long ago, he's always thought I deserved the credit. LOL. Funny that. Long story.
I was reading on some disconcerting threads that disappeared this morning. I hope your sw friend is okay and no harm has come to her. I don't have a fb thingie or any contact with anyone so no one would read my threads if you can find a way to say it's ok somehow with no one noticing I'd appreciate it. It's funny about these boards. Sometimes I feel like I'm eavesdropping when I read the threads or "butting in" on a conversation if I post. Anyhow, guess I'll stop making myself sound stranger than normal.
Thanks for staying in touch. I'm not sure if going back through this and "cleaning out" the files is good or not.
I called an old friend that I hadn't spoken with in almost 10 years and listened for hours as she told me about the train wreck her life had become. She wants to move here now and I don't even want her to. Maybe I feel safe in this "bubble" but I have to get out of it.
Did you ever see the dueling barges on the 4th? We went last year and are planning to go again this year. The whole weekend is crazy with festivals on both shores. The Seafood Fest has moved to Fontainbleau from the lakefront so the parking and festival is larger than ever on the north and "Go 4th on the River is bigger on the south.
I'll be thinking about everyone looking at the sky all over the country and hoping y'all get the fireworks of a lifetime.
Threads disappeared this morning? What was that about? Last I saw SW was still posting. Poor thing. Her life is a mess. Funny how we all complain when things are boring, but that's when things are good. Drama always seems to be bad.
My oldest will be 25 in August, so our kids are the same age. My daughter moved back uptown this weekend. She will be flying in on Thursday. I am excited about seeing her again. I don't know what it is about having your kids under your roof, but it just feels good.
I don't remember going to dueling boats on the Tchefuncte. We did a concert in Covington on the 4th a couple of times, and they had good fireworks. Seafood fest was always good.
Have you tried the jazz in the vines program in Covington? We used to go there some summer nights for concerts at a vinyard. Hope your dog is feeling better.
and thank you again for your thoughtful post to me the other day!
I keep reading and rereading your old posts, what a godsend - some of them I could have writtten myself (if I COULD WRITE, that is ) . You did depict my situation and my emotions so exactly!
BTW, Yellowrose is still here, in Midlife Crisis, her thread is called "Best time of my life".
I ask not for a lighter burden, but for broader shoulders ____________________________________________________ M 46 H 45 D 17 M/T 23 Bomb #1 (ILYBNILWY) 12.06 Bomb #2 (OW) 12.07 Bomb #3 (chose OW over M) 9.08
