I have moved from Newcomers after being there since Oct. I will give the cliff notes for those who don't know me from there.
Met H in Dec. '85 and we immediately fell in love and became college sweethearts. That summer H starts talking about M while we are apart. Return to school in the summer and H wants space and has an EA. We continue to date the whole time and H recommits in Spring but says we can still date others. I date one guy and H wants to dump me...I begged him not to...he has another EA. That summer we recommit and start looking for rings. Fall of 87 we get engaged and marry the following summer.
The day of our wedding we leave for another state almost 1000miles from all my family and friends. We live there for six years while H is in grad school. Our first D was born there. We move back home (based on his career) in 94. Three years later we have our second D and H has his first EA of our marriage. I suffered ppd without any help from H.
A year an a half later the EA just ends. H never acknowledges it or apologizes, we get no help for our M and just move on. Now it is '99 and things are what I thought were pretty good for a several years.
Spring of '05 H starts having unexplained medical problems. I fear he is dying and begin to push him away for whatever reason. (H did and said many things that made me feel responsible for what it turns out to be.) I believe I then went through an MLC. Things continue to go down hill.
Jan. '07, H begins sleeping on the couch...lies and tells me it is because he can't sleep because of his medical issues. As that year progresses H avoids me, home and our Ds more and more. I confront H in June of '07 and he drops the bomb. H began seeing an IC then for depression, but he hasn't made much progress. H finally started meds in Feb., but he thinks getting rid of me is going to solve his problems. I began DBing after the bomb and spent the last year trying.
H refuses to try for the whole year. H moves out the end of Oct. '07 but still hasn't found a place of his own. The whole time he sends mixed messages to the Ds and myself. Through out the last year H has told me several times that he is down and doesn't want to try. He refuses MC and finally verbalized a month ago that he wants a D. We have an appt. in 1 1/2 weeks with the Ds' T to discuss how to tell them.
So here I sit rehashing our whole history. I have been wondering more and more the last few days if the past 20+ years have been a mistake. I should have realized after what he did when we were dating that it would happen again. Oh, I forgot, H is currently having two EAs. Of course they are "just friends."
For those who are new to my sitch...thanks for reading. For my old friends, now you know the rest of the story. No wonder I'm in T.
R 23 years M 20 years Bomb June 2007 S Oct 2007 Ds 11 & 16 Ds and I moved out Aug. 2008
I hope you are proud of me...I refused to answer my cell when H tried calling a couple of times today. I need to stop the chit chat. He called the house phone and I answered(I need caller ID). His mom was here, I told him that and said I had to go. CLICK!
R 23 years M 20 years Bomb June 2007 S Oct 2007 Ds 11 & 16 Ds and I moved out Aug. 2008
Sorry you joined us here darling, it's another step towards sanity and eventually hapiness...
You are a strong woman and you will be fine. And I think your H is a jerk!!!!! (I know I've said that before-couldn't keep it in) Love K
Thanks K. I hope to start taking bigger steps toward sanity and narrow the gap. Whenever I would tell my mom she was driving me crazy she always said it was a short drive.
You are right about H, and you know the same is true for your H. How can such wonderful woman as us end up with jerks?
R 23 years M 20 years Bomb June 2007 S Oct 2007 Ds 11 & 16 Ds and I moved out Aug. 2008
It's a start. I really think you need to lay down the law with the guy. Make him play the game by your rules.
You are a teacher. You deal with structure and lesson plans everyday. You mold the future with these children. Use that power and experience to mold your future. Make him follow an acceptable lesson plan. You teach these children about consequences if they don't follow the rules and do the work. Why cant you apply that to your husband. After all, we see that he is just a child anyway.
Come on, get that ruler out and whack him across the knuckles a few times to get his attention. If that doesn't work get the paddle out.
Woog, I have you sitting on my shoulder talking to me all the time. Yesterday I left 5 min. after H got here. I only came home to go to church with the Ds then left again. D wanted me to have dinner with them but I refused. Today I will be gone all day. I feel bad because there is annual event that D wants me to go to but I won't. It is H's day and he will be miserable there, not his type of event.
I do have my plan to law down the law. H is just clueless and thinks that everything is ok because the Ds don't cry to him or confied in him. We see the Ds T together in a week. I have decided that it is best to laydown the rules then. If I do it before then he is going to think I am just going for the drama effect. At least this way I will have a professional who I am sure will back me up and say that what we have been doing is screwed up.
BTW, I watched Wild Hogs last night. I imagined you going on a trip like them. I loved the movie and laughed so hard I was crying.
R 23 years M 20 years Bomb June 2007 S Oct 2007 Ds 11 & 16 Ds and I moved out Aug. 2008
