Detached and on the Road to Divorce

[runningoutoftime]

Don't worry about what she tells the kids. They are a lot smarter than we realize and eventually they see and understand these things.

Just keep nicely (in spite of her being a bit@h), and calmly telling her you are sorry "sweetie" but you just don't have any extra money.

[karen43]

She wants me to pay her rent, phone bill, etc. She really thinks that I am going to support her financially above the alimony and child support. Every time that I say no she gets more and more angry.

I will never get used to being yelled at.

Hate it, too. So tired of the anger. I guess every state is different but my L was saying if I had a boyfriend (which I don't of course) it might affect my getting alimony. Maybe that's just in my state, but did you ask your L about the OM affecting alimony? Karen

[addie]

Eagle, I'm not sure how old your kids are but they will come to realize who the stable/reasonable parent is. Kids are very perceptive. They know what's going on.

[Eagle 2]

Thank you for your input Addie, ROT and Karen,

SHE SIGNED THE AGREEMENT TODAY. Her lawyer is giving her fits about it. 3 more signatures and we are done. Both lawyers and the Judge. Mine will sign on Monday. Hers is mad that the cash cow is ending.

Karen,
I could have fought and paid no alimony because of the A. I CHOSE to pay alimony for kid time. That is how I got her from a 80/20 custody split to a 50/50. I bought custody with alimony. She knew that she could lose it all with the A coming out. In seems silly but I stand behind my decision. I just wish that I could afford to get sole custody. She wanted $4,000/Month for that.

The Anger is still there. It does not go away. Soon I will not have to see it.

[runningoutoftime]

Why is she so angry? Has she always had a temper or is this more something that has come out with D? I wish you could have gotten sole custody (not to keep her from the kids, but to have more control over when they visit with her, and the amount of time... based on what's best for them...).

Or even an 80/20 on your end. (I personally think it's best for kids to have a "home" rather then being at "mom's house, or "dad's house").

It sounds like it will be all over soon. How are you feeling? Aside from her anger making this easier for you to detach, how are YOU?

[karen43]

Karen,
I could have fought and paid no alimony because of the A. I CHOSE to pay alimony for kid time. That is how I got her from a 80/20 custody split to a 50/50. I bought custody with alimony. She knew that she could lose it all with the A coming out. In seems silly but I stand behind my decision. I just wish that I could afford to get sole custody. She wanted $4,000/Month for that.

I think some people instead of being angry at themselves find it easier to be angry at others. I totally understand your decision re: the alimony; just horrible that a mom would basically use her children like that for money. I'm glad you at least got 50/50. I wonder if in time you will wind up with more custody if she believes there is no more money to be made or something. Karen

[Eagle 2]

ROT and Karen,

Thank you for the input. The anger is over many things, her weight, her health problems, her guilt of the A, her guilt about trying to balance work/kids/marriage but mostly her ongoing failure to meet her own expectations. This all came out in counciling. She blames me for everything that is wrong in her life.
She has been furious about everything during the D process. Mostly because of lofty expectations and unrealistic goals.

I never wanted the D. Now I realize that it is the only way to escape the anger.
There was more anger and drama tonight. Petty silly nonsense.

[runningoutoftime]

I'm sorry. She sounds like a person who has some things she needs to work out on her own. Hopefully, once you are physically separated she will have a chance to do this. I can understand how hard her anger must be. It sounds like you have been pretty tolerant. At least you seem to understand it.

What was the drama last night?

[Eagle 2]

ROT,

We agreed to divide up the little stuff, photos and the like in a meeting between us. She decided that seh would just take everything and I came home to nails in the walls, etc.

I stood up to her again breaking an agreement and she threw a fit kicking a hole in the wall and breaking some picture frames. I left for an houtr or two and snuck into the basement to sleep.

I am trying to stay away from her but her anger level gets worse no matter what I do.

[addie]

Wow, she is not only angry but has also become violent. I hope she didn't behave that way in front of the kids. Eagle,I am sorry you are having to go through this.