Trouble on the lake erie shore #3

[pisces9]

i think thats ok- remember when in doubt say nothing. there will be more opportunities for dinner and time together with your W.
you are doing great! you complimented her and had a positive interaction. that is all that needed to happen.

i know- the slow part is soooo hard. i am struggling big time with that right now.

good job neil- have fun with your little ladies

[Forrest Gump]

"my D3.5 was talking about dinner. My W said to her..did you want to stay with daddy for dinner?...i heard it, and did nothing to facilitate the three of them staying for dinner."

If you could sit and have a good time... missed it.

If you could not... better you left.

If you did not see it when it was going on.. it was best you left.

The C was right.

Don't look back on what you did.. look at what you can do.

[Neilh23]

yeah....i think there would have been this big fat pink elephant sitting in the room that neither one of us would've acknowledge, but would've put a huge weight on the dinner.

still want to tho.

wanna show off my new DB skills....LOL....

[Forrest Gump]

The second.. you can't see the pink elephant.

Have dinner.

[Neilh23]

yeah i know. there are days when i don't, there are days when i do. i think it's gotta be the same for her tho too....

[Forrest Gump]

"i think it's gotta be the same for her tho too...."

From Lostphil....

You could have left that part out.

This right here.. is about you.

Who you want to be. What you want to be.

She.. has nothing to do with it.

Kick you in the as* I will.

Stop looking for her to make you whole.

When you are she will see it. Then she will have to make the same choices you are right now. Hope that she sees how Great you are.

You fall down.. so you can stand up again.

[Neilh23]

i know it's not about her. the hard part is that i did look to her to make me whole, and that was a big issue. for me, recognizing it, and then actually putting that into play are two differnt things..LOL.

patience is not my strong point sometimes.

besides that, my biggest stumbling block is fearing she won't notice the changes, even tho i shouldn't worry about whether she does or not. although, i know she does. she's commented on them, plus she will ask if there's something wrong when i'm not chipper on the phone....those are good signs.

again, patience is not my strong point....LOL

[Neilh23]

i think i'm seeing some bigger steps...

much friendlier
making comments such as "you never used to do that"
spending increasingly longer times together...about 30 minutes today, just hanging out with kids....
Being able to tell when my mood shifts a bit...and asking about it

this was interesting...asked if i was going with anyone to see fireworks with the kids tonite....because i had mentioned i was thinking about taking them. She said it in the context of when she would be calling to say goodnite to them.....but......
Wonder if she wanted to go with........

patience, but am i right??????????

[Neilh23]

sometimes i wonder if i can do this....i doubt myself alot. I know why...its complicated, but i understand why i do now.... i can go from having complete confidence that this will work (see above...LOL) to now doubting that any changes i make will save my marriage. I know, I know. I shouldn't make the changes just so my W will, for lack of a better term, return.....it's just....i miss those things that come with a marriage. partnership. someone to share things with......

i guess i'm feeling a little lonely right now. the 2d's are sleeping......and rather than text my wife...i come on here. so at least i have this...

[Jeremyt]

I hear ya man. I feel the same way. I go back and forth between wondering if it's worth the effort and trying like hell.

I know my wife packed up a cute black dress in her suitcase when she went to the apartment for the weekend. We have dinner plans tomorrow night. I'm wondering if the cute black dress is to wear to dinner with me or bar plans with a single guy she's made on sunday. Seeing stuff like that kinda gets me all riled up and breaks the DB skills a little. I'm going to have to be strong at dinner when if I see her not in the cute dress. Then I know it's for another guy she's clinging to for validation.

I keep making all the internal changes to me as well. I hope like hell it saves the marriage. I have to keep reminding myself that the changes I make need to be for me because whether the marriage survives or not I'm still left with me. The changes I am making are good for me and my kids no matter what.

Try roll with that logic.

I know, I know, it's easy to SAY that. We have got to let them go and see if they ever want to come back. They may not.

I'll keep praying for peace and reconciliation for everyone I see on this board. You're right, at least we have a good place to vent, where folks understand and care. A virtual world or not, it's still a good place.