Tumbling without feathers

[ReDesigner]

Swinging back and forth between being a WAW and a codependent. What a choice. The madness of a H's MLC has just left me thinking there's really no option. My L is asking whether I want to continue with the proceedings. We're almost to the finish line, but I thought that once he broke up with OW, he would become more reasonable. Wrong. He took up with OW#5 a couple of months after breaking up with #4. I've probably gone past the point where there can be a return. I thought things were turning as he was actually replying to my emails civilly. Now, he gives the cold shoulder. We're still getting some lingering bills from the sale of the house and he doesn't want to pay, wants me to pay, even though I don't have a job yet after moving towns to be closer to my child, but a small lump sum from the house sale. Doesn't seem fair because he was living in our house, not me, so those are actually his charges.

So, it seems like the MLC is dragging on. There's no sign of it abating and he keeps spending, taking the OW#5 out. I'm afraid that creditors will come after me, so I'll tell the L to continue. He's attended a counselling session with our teen D, but I think only once. The issues were only sharing chores and her disagreement with his behaviour re: new OW. Counsellor seems to think they'll benefit if they continue and eventually it might lead to him being able to communicate with me more civilly over D.

For all the reading, the mindfulness practice and hope, I'm out of energy now. I've been dealing with him in this extreme state since fall 2005 and I've run out of juice. This is the second round since he did this about 9 years earlier, too. If I list all the behaviours, I can see it's all about him. I try not to take things personally, except when he almost ran me over in his van in front of the OW who was parked nearby watching me cross a road. That was pretty much a direct in-your-face act. I was very scared and couldn't restrain telling my D who met me on the other side of the street inside a store. She didn't witness the near miss, but I'm glad she didn't see while other times, I wish she had seen. She's been siding with her dad, of all things, since he announced he was in love with OW and was going to marry her and father her kids and they'd have a wonderful "affluent" life. I don't know what she really thinks of all this, but I seem to be the one she's shutting out.

To put a nail in the coffin, I discovered she's been getting into my private email and found some messages to my friends and the L, then sent them to H with commentaries about how crazy I am. I'm totally devastated. Even though what I wrote were facts and truths in my opinion, it certainly has violated every privacy. I'm sick, sick, sick this has been such a bomb and jeopardized every relationship. I really don't know what to say. All I know is that now that he's aware of who else knows, it'll be virtually impossible that he'll want to face me. What he read are things that he's afraid to face, painful past experiences, family dysfunctions and is in denial about. It must have been such a whammy to see it all in his face like that. I truly felt sickened when she also dropped into this BB and read postings I wrote too. Since then, I've had to change logins.

I don't really know if anything can be salvaged at this point. It seems that Fate is sealed. I feel out of options except to make everything official. As a friend says... if he ever comes out of his fog, you can always get remarried. Right now, though, I'm not even contemplating a relationship at all with this guy. It's so impossible to imagine how after such a long time, more than 20 years, he turned on me like this. I'm trying not to take things personally now, detach and realize I really need to GAL in a big way. Maybe the hard part was just making the decision, instead of holding out hope that he would eventually see that doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different income is insanity! I've come a long way - I just got a new job with potential to be promoted, have a great apartment and feel like a new graduate on the way to her first real life experience.

Is GAL more about doing those things or a mental shift that leaves the S behind in thought? Is this a last chance stand?

All comments welcome...