Looking for support from other WAS's

[Flipper]

My W has filed and, yes, it throws a big wrench into things BUT it's only paper. Honestly, we see people get re-married (to each other) all the time.

Maybe it's mostly paper in your case, since there are 0 kids, maybe not much $ down the tubes, more hope for an R, etc. But just really get a sense of the pain and suffering here and then tell me if its just paper. Could you point us to the "whopping 14%" statistics?

F2b,

Your kind comment regarding my lack of children and resulting joyride of a divorce, is duly noted. I am losing a my home as probably are you. But rest assured that my pain is as real as yours. My divorce will be final in a couple months. You don't think I am in pain? The "it's just paper" remark was meant to point out that, even though the D may be final, that does not prevent a couple from reconciling later. The remark was meant to offer hope. If my comments came off as flippant, that was not my intent. I don't think that someone should be given odds, let alone "zero" odds, if a certain set of circumstances exist.

I disagree on that ONE point. I think there can be hope in any situation. Your other points were well taken. Often, there is no rush for someone to file for divorce and it would be great if the filing spouse could slow down...but that is their call.

As far as the uplifting, albeit dubious statistic, I will attempt to find it again and, if I do, I will post it for you. In the meantime, doubt away. Peace

[fb2]

Flipper, Rest assured I feel your pain and much much more. My heart goes out to you. Its no joyride given you are here. My point is its not just a piece of paper, so please don't say that again because its the antithesis of hope!!! And if there are kids believe me you'll know what I mean! Once the legal process "takes over" it does a LOT of hard to reverse damage. Take care of yourself, I'm with you in your plight.

[Purple]

Hi there, I'm a WAW who (in my book, perhaps not in h's) was an LBS to start with.

Smartcookie is an inspiration.
Bridgestone so far seems to be my long lost twin

I'm at work at the moment so i can't post much but I just wanted to wave and say "Here's another WAW here!"

*wave*

[fb2]

Hi Lost, I suggest sticking with just 1 thread so everyone knows where to find your entire story - you seem to have at least 3. I also suggest you clearly choose whether you want to save your M and make it happy or not - the key to this is with you, not so much with your H - maybe get professional C help on this, not OM's counsel. You simply can't have it both ways - OM+D and save the M. If you choose the later you can get lots of help here. I hope you choose wisely.

[smartcookie]

SC, you mentioned something that caught my eye: "I suppose I had a sliver of hope all that time". What does that mean (a sliver of hope)? What were/are you hoping for?

Well, I just kept swinging. I googled divorce & found this site. irony. lol I kept going to C & kept pushing for him to join me in MC. I just didn't quit. I wanted to, many many times. I quit for a few days, or for a week, but I didn't quit completely. If we didn't have kids I would have walked a long time ago. Growing up without a dad, I just couldn't take them away from theirs. Even though he wasn't the kind of dad I wished.

He is now.

[Flipper]

Once the legal process "takes over" it does a LOT of hard to reverse damage. Take care of yourself, I'm with you in your plight.

Fb2,

You're right about that. Honestly, thanks for the insight. I am concerend about the final date because, in the W's mind, I would imagine that she feels she has taken "the final step". I'm trying to stay consistent with my resolve. I'll fight until I can't fight anymore.

I was thinking about your words regarding the added element of torture you have...involving the children. Last night, a friend had a bunch of people over for the 4th. There was a young man there, caring for a 3-year old little girl and another 8 year old; beautiful kids! He heard me say I was separated and shared with me that his wife found OM and walked off. He said some of his male friends had the same thing happen to them. What the hell is going on in our world?

I went home last night and prayed for him and for you...that your wife returns to you and your kids. I cried...then I prayed some more. Your words and sentiments did not go unheard, my friend. I'll keep praying.

-Flipper

[Flipper]

F2b,

I forgot to mention this website to you. It offers a lot of hope and stories of reconciliation. It is a Christian site (read 'Restored Marriages'). Don't know what your beliefs are but here it is. Give it a look. Christa told me about this and another one:

http://rejoiceministries.org/

This one is motivational and very encouraging:

http://joelosteen.lakewood.cc/site/PageServer?pagename=JOM_homepage

[lodo]

Hi Lost,

It's been awhile since you last posted.

Let us know how you're doing, okay?

lodo

[lost3031]

I'm still hanging in there. Some days I feel terribly strong, and other days I feel like I'm barely hanging by a thread. H and I have been spending more time together in the last two weeks, and I think that's probably good. So why does it make me feel scared? And why do I feel a little angry with him? When I first left, he showed no interest in spending time with me. For the past 4 1/2 months he has rejected the notion of spending time together, and now suddenly he's making the effort to find time for me in his busy schedule. I know all of the psychological reasons for his actions, and I don't blame him for reacting the way that he did or for feeling the way that he does. Still, I feel like I'm suddenly in a tailspin and I can feel myself beginning to go into panic mode. I love him and we can still have fun together - I enjoy being with him, so I don't understand why I feel like I'm being suffocated by his sudden presence. Is it still too soon for me? Is this a normal feeling?

(Thanks for checking on me, lodo!)

[Bridgestone]

hi lost,
I understand that feeling. I feel like I am starting to have some independence after separating from H 12 months ago.

When we get together to talk, go to D. ballgames, just hang out, after a while I get antsy, anxious, suffocating feeling. It is usually when he starts to put pressure on to stay longer than he had said he would, or asking for sex, or starting heavy-duty R. talk.

When things stay light, a glass of wine & small talk, or biking, etc it's fine.

What are your triggers? His 'sudden presence' seems a bit vague. Does he just show up?

Is his making an effort to find time for you a good thing? Is that something that was missing before you left?

I know that until H acknowledged his role in the M issues I was very scared that he would just 'change' to get me back. Now that he at least can 'say' he understands his role, I feel as if I can 'call him' on it, if I start to feel as if his behaviours are regressing back to what stresses me.

Are you to that point yet with your H?

glad to see you're still here.