I just got a hold of the divorce remedy and I'm almost done with it. I have so many mixed emotions right now and hopefully I can get some advice from you guys on my pending divorce.
BACKGROUND:
Been with her 14 years, married ten years with two daughters. M37 W34
We have had an up and down relationship for several years now brought on by a lot of stress. Lot's of family members dying, splitting up, health issues etc. We get along great for a few months, then go down a dark road, get along great and repeat.
One of the main problems especially with the health issue was that I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder a few years ago. I was on and off meds, nutrients etc for a few years, but none of it worked to resolve the problem. No matter what I was on or doing I'd still have major setbacks and episodes. Manic episodes and dealing with a lot of snap anger and rage with tons of yelling over even the littlest things. Being mad at the world for no reason etc. Totally out of my control. This caused a huge drain on our relationship and these cycles would come and go. I've left probably 4 times over the last 5 years. My wife was non supportive and was always screaming that I needed to be on medication and just being extremely harsh with zero compassion. Attacking me for the problem I had. She also admitted to cheating on me.
(The past year I was in touch with an old female friend of mine, who was there to support me while going through all of these issues with bipolar. She was there whenever I needed to talk, to calm my emotions, help me get a handle on things etc. I've known her since I was a kid and she is a great friend. We never had a relationship or anything like that, we are just strictly friends. My wife thinks we are more. No matter what I say she does not believe me. Honest, we are simply friends nothing more. I wanted to mention that because my wife dwells on that subject a lot. My wife was not there for me, so I turned to my friends)
We have come close to divorce in the past and have been on eggshells plenty of times. In Jan/Feb I moved out because of constant fighting, dealing with anger some of it brought on by her cheating and constantly going out. etc. After being away for a few weeks I caved and did the whole pleading and crying which only pushed her away. We hardly talked for two months. During this time I started to GAL and I was really getting a handle on the bipolar issue by changing my diet, getting on a strict supplement program etc. My wife saw the changes and started to open up a bit and talk to me. She texted me and told me she's glad I got the help I needed, but wants a divorce and said she was filling the paperwork.She ended up calling me and started getting into relationship talk and wanted to see what I was going to do now.
I told her I was seriously thinking about moving out of state. I had opportunities and my friend also offered a place to stay for a few months until I get situated. Note: I was in the mind set that we were getting divorced, so I was planning my future that way. I really thought that was it. She started flipping out and getting really mean, telling my I was no good to leave my kids and that she was happy she decided to get a divorce etc.. The conversation was bouncing all over the place, she was telling me that that's what I needed to do because I was in love with this other girl (NO, she is just a friend... seriously. She has a fiance BTW.) and on and on. I told her I needed to look out for me now. She got even angrier. Then she proceeded to tell me in explicit detail that she needed to start having fun and no more relationships. She made it a point to tell me she was just going to go out and have fun, meet younger guys just for sex because they make her feel hot and sexy. etc. etc. (i was not biting) I told her she should do whatever she felt she needed to do to be happy, but to be careful. I said I really did not want to here the details of it because it was too weird hearing about here having sex etc. She kept trying to talk about it. All I got out of it was that she was trying to make me jealous? I did not bite and told her I had to go and ended the conversation.
Next day she texts me some light chit chat as if we never even had the argument. And then it turns sexual again and we ended up hooking up that night. The next night she went out with her friends, while I staid at the house with the girls and made them dinner. She got a little drunk and later that night we laid in bed talking and she was spilling her heart out saying I belong there with her and the kids, that she does not want a divorce, that I really am the sweetest guy and on and on changing our relationship and falling deeper in love, having date nights etc.. (that was about three months ago.)
We ended up getting together a few times and one thing leads to another, we ended up sleeping together a few times and I was staying there overnight a lot. We were getting along just like "old times" and it felt great and I ended up moving back in. Things were great. She was proud of the changes I went through and so was I. However, I was totally up front and told her specifically that it's possible I could have a setback and we would have to work through it if I did. She was 110% supportive and said shed be right there with me to work on any problems.
CURRENT SITCH:
Fast forward about 2 months. I did have a setback. Got into a sugar/junk food craze and fell into depression and rage and danger started popping in again. I had a real bad episode for about a week where I was totally out of control, mean and nasty saying horrible stuff and totally out of control. It was pretty bad and it's like a blur, but what i do remember was pretty bad. This was about a 2 week stretch. (about a month ago) and my wife pretty much ignored me after that. She would avoid me, told me she is getting a divorce, demanded that I move etc. She is not even sleeping in our room now.
After I broke out of the episode I started going back and doing some research and talking to people to try an figure out what the hell happened. After a few days and a few doctors we finally figured out exactly what went wrong.
After all that it turns out that I was misdiagnosed and I'm not bipolar at all. I am hypoglycemic and gluten intolerant. This was the cause of all the rage/anger episodes, clouded thinking, depression, dizziness etc. It also explained why I never responded to meds I was given. I was shocked, but also relieved finally to find the real problem. I was put on a strict hypoglycemic diet and I followed it to the letter. The anger and rage disappeared almost overnight. The depression lifted, clouded thinking cleared up etc. It was life changing amazing. I feel 1000% better and I'm back to my old self... the guy she loves and the guy I love.
I apologized to the girls and my wife, but no matter what i say or do my wife does not want to hear any of it. She continued to ignore me and avoid me. And in between the ignoring she would be spiteful and just mean. She does not care to hear anything at all about being hypo, does not want to hear about how it affects blood/sugar and brain chemistry etc.
Divorce Papers - After this last setback she got the paperwork for the divorce after threatening me about it for several days. She left them on our kitchen island for nearly two weeks. She wanted me to pay for half of it and I said no. We had our income tax and some other money that we split several weeks early so it was not like she needed any money at all. Anyway... after about two weeks she walked in the living room one day and said " I just paid for this in full and it's going out" I just said "Thats Fine" in a casual tone. A week goes by and I notice that there's a new set of divorce papers on the island again. They sat there for a few more days and then I guess she mailed them. I did not say a word about them to her, but she definitely left them out in the open again on purpose. I guess she did not send the first ones? Who knows. I just thought, geeze if she wanted a divorce so bad and was so furious why wait at all, why not send them right out the day she got them. I tried not to read into it anymore than that, but it's hard not to as those papers hold the future of our marriage.
I was devastated because finally i had the solution to a problem that caused a lot of pain in our lives. Finally I could move past it and I was so happy about it, but she just totally blew it off. That's what really kills me the most, she attacks me like I did all that crap on purpose or something, when it was really a reaction out of my control. I had a bunch of literature, videos and even the doctor willing to talk to her, but she does not want to hear any of it and just keeps telling me I need to leave. She was nasty and told me don't text her, don't email her, call or talk to her that she won't even respond.
I gave up trying to talk to her because she just gets angry or ignores me. I basically kept to myself for the past several weeks or so.
I did do a slight backslide a couple of days ago though. It was fathers day and i was really down and I overheard her talking on the phone about how happy she is going to be when the divorce is over and can't wait to go out on the weekends etc. I go the impression that she was talking loud on purpose so that I would hear her (spite). Well, I confronted her and asked her why she is being so mean to me and that it seems she has this deep hatred now. She denied hating me and said she'll always love me, but said that she wants a divorce because it's not the same kind of love. I then tried to get her to see it from my point of view and how the irrational actions, irritability, rage etc. where from the illness , told her I was sorry and wished it never happened etc. I said you keep focusing on the past and not seeing the future right in front of you. She started getting aggravated and said I need to move out and wants a divorce. I did not yell or get angry, I just tried to get her to be understanding of the real cause of the problems we had, but she did not want to hear any of it. To keep this short - these are basically some of the comments she said:
"I'll always love you, but it's not the same. I want a divorce and there is nothing you can say or do that will change my mind"
"Get it through you head that we are getting a divorce and you need to move out! Do something for me for once and leave."
"You don't love me, it's just an obsession" Not sure where that one came from, It took me for a loop when she said it. I didn't even now what to say.
"We don't belong together, there's too much stress and I'm not good for you either"
"I've heard it all before, the changes wont last." I said it's totally different because I was never treated for hypoglycemia and gluten intolerance before. She said "I don't care, I've seen it all before"
"I can't get close to you, afraid of the same thing happening again in a few months"
"I'm too independent now and used to doing everything on my own. I don't need you for anything."
"You just need to let me go and move on"
"Go ahead and move on and go be with your friend, I see how you light up when you talk to her"
"I don't want to be in any relationships anymore, I just want to have fun and go out"
"We've grown too far apart and I don't love you the same way anymore. I think I just stayed with you out of habit" Yet two or three months ago we were seriously talking about renewing our vows! Getting land, building a house taking a few vacations, building a business etc.
This woman is so stubborn!
We ended up just ending the conversation - she went down stairs and I went in our room. About ten minutes later she stormed in the room and said "Well, are you moving out now?" I said, yes if that's want you want, but it will take me time (as in a few months). You know its not easy just picking everything up and leaving. I then told her to just leave me alone. She stormed back out. The next day she was actually nice to me, which was really odd. (she has some massive mood swings on her own)
This is the type of messages I get from her:
"I am glad you are dealing with this. This is not going to change the fact that I want a divorce. I can't go through anymore episodes. This is for the best. Nothing you can say or do will change my mind. The last time you went through all of this I told you I would give it on more try. And you said thats all I want, you also said if you had another outburst you would understand what I would have to do. I just want you to move out! Finally for once do something for me and stop making me feel bad or guilty. I was afraid of you this time. Each episode gets worse and worse. I can't do this any longer!"
Being afraid is understandable after what we've been through, but she is being stubborn when it comes to looking at the real problem and why it occurred. I mean there's a logical reason. She wants to hear none of it though.
Note - I told her that I am leaving, but it will take me a while to get stuff moved and everything situated. I told her I needed to get some funds together and take care of a lot of "stuff" that is here. When I did box some stuff up and took it out of the house last week she got all pissy and moody. Slamming stuff, being mean etc. (Arrggg, don't get it, if she wants me to leave so bad why act like that when I make an effort to?)
Says she loves me, does not hate me and just wants to be friends, yet does all this spiteful mean stuff. Going out partying on the weekend, not being understanding at all about the health problem I had to deal with etc.
Note - Her family, mostly mom, sister and two or three close friends are validating and agreeing with anything she says. Basically supporting her actions etc. her close friends are encouraging her to "get out of the relationship and move on" on a daily basis. This really sucks because no matter how stubborn or mean she is they console her and tell her she has made the right decisions etc. That is very frustrating. I have not talked to her family or friends about any of it because I know that will just get her even more pissed off. And to top it off, most of her friends are divorced or in seriously troubled relationships so you can imagine the advice she is getting.
I'm not sure what to do now. I feel so lost, mostly because I was so sure that she would be right there for me and help me through the problem I had and she totally turned her back on me.
Right now she is still basically ignoring me, she sleeps in a spare room. Small chit chat is all I get and even that is only related to the girls and small issues.
I'm not sure if I should just move out ASAP or take my time as planned to see if things can work themselves out, while I plan to move.
I know I need to stay busy. I have been going out, but she does not seem to really care at all, she goes out herself. She's playing like she could care less what I do or where i go.
We were remodeling our house too recently and there's a lot of work left to do. It's been stalled for months now because of the stuff we've been going through. I don't know if I should start back working on the house while I'm here now or not to keep busy... maybe she would think I'm doing it to kiss her ass.
Any ideas on the next move I should make?
Seemed like she got jealous the last time we were separated and thats what got her chasing me a bit. Maybe I should try and get her jealous?
This month is really bad - our 10 year anniversary is in less than two weeks. Its really painful and very hard keepign it cool now especially with that coming up. It's tough trying to act like nothing is bothering me.
Almost forgot. I've been working on a special photo book for almost a year now that was to be an anniversary gift. It's a professionally printed book. There is an enormous amount of work put into it. I was planning on giving it to her regardless of what is going on in our relationship, but I'm not sure now. Do you think i should still give it to her? It would be such a waste to let it go. I mean it is packed with memories. I pain stakingly scanned 1000's of old photos, included poems, quotes, song lyrics etc.
-- Wrote the above 3 days ago and posted now because it my account needed to be approved.
Today (3 days later) I got up, got a shower and all dolled up (looked pretty damn good too) and was getting ready to leave to go meet a friend for lunch. (she did not ask where I was going and I made no effort to tell her) As I was about to walk out the door she blurted. "Are you going to leave?" I stayed cool and calm and said yes, but it wont be for a while because I have a lot of stuff to move and other things to get taken care of.(I've already told her this more than once and just the other day) She got real annoyed and said. "Well, I'm going to leave then. I'm not staying here with you here anymore." I said, OK fine, if thats what you need to do. I have to go though because I'm late already and I walked out the door.
I got back home about 6 hours later and she didn't say a word to me, basically avoided me. I went upstairs to our bedroom and I noticed that she went through some of my things while I was gone. I had certain things positioned a certain way just to see if she was snooping around because I thought she was looking through my stuff before and today I confirmed it.
Geeze... she's acting psycho sometimes. It's like she wants to push buttons and get me into an argument or she wants to see me miserable, angry or upset. I have been playing it calm and cool, being perfectly happy and it seems like that pisses her off or something. I don't under stand it.
Today I am taking th ekids to the amusement park. I asked her to go and she said "Are you kidding me... no" so I left it at that.
She's doing other stuff directly out of spite and I'll post about them later, but I'm goign out the door right now.
Thanks in advance for any help and suggestions.
Scott
Original Thread Part 2 M-37 W-34 M 10 T 14 2 Ds 13
She needs time buddy. Sounds like your last episode where you had turned yourself around and got your girl back then had another episode has scared her to this. Try and be as understanding to that as you can and give her lots of space.
Can you leave info on your illness out for her ? She may read it, she may not !!! How old are your Daughters ? I know you have apologised to them, but have they seen the info on your illness ? I imagine they were also very scared so it might be firstly a relief to them, but then they may speak to W about it.
Your in an unusual situation here sir and can't say that about most on here. I don't think it's all gone for you, just keep doing what your doing and the things that have worked before. The going out is quite possibly partly an escape and to get away from you, my W does that also.
Arthur has given you good advice! And I am sooooooo happy to read your solutions to your health issue. I wonder how many folks that are being diagnosed as bipolar really have your same intolerances. I'll bet the number is large.
When folks get into bad habits/routines it's hard to break the routine. You're not acting out anymore...that's a good thing.
Just pull back like you have been. And give her time like Arthur said.
Don't waste your time overanalyzing WHY she is doing this (MLC/WAW etc) just focus on improving your life and behavior...I think she will come around......especially when she sees how well you're living now. It will be contagious and attractive.
Jump to the LAST RESORT TECHNIQUE in DR.
Wishing you a wonderful weekend!
sg Love is PATIENT, love is KIND, LOVE never fails / DB since 2001
Gosh Scott...from what you are describing, these episodes are very frightening to her (and your kids) and you have them frequently. You have shown her several times that these episodes *always* come back, no matter what you do or try. To me, it doesn't seem logical for you to expect her to now accept this current diagnosis. She has been there so many times with you already, and she told you the last time, if it happened again, you would have to accept her as being "done".
And then it happened again.
I think you are going to have a lot more work to do than the normal buster, because you must understand why your wife doesn't believe another diagnosis, don't you? She isn't just sounding like she wants out for no reason. She sounds like she wants out because your episodes become abusive, in her opinion.
I'm not saying you are abusive, just that she is experiencing it that way after all these years.
I think your best shot is to truly understand her position, and stop trying to get her to understand your new diagnosis. Instead, you should try to understand her very valid concern and issue with your episodes. I think she really wanted you to do better and you were both so happy together the last time you reconciled - - that is what she truly wanted. But then another episode happened and her hopes were dashed again.
Also, even given the new diagnosis and treatment, you still cannot guarantee her that you will never have another or frequent episodes again.
Work on understanding her view so you can then try talking again, but later, after some more DB-ing and reading on your part.
Have either of you had counseling, together or individual? You both could use a good shoulder to lean on for support right now.
Hi Guys, thanks for the responses. Today was literally devastating. Man, I cannot even think straight. I'm literally shaking while typing this.
TODAY
After I posted on here I was getting ready to take the girls to the amusement park and I saw that the mail came and she left papers on the island again. This time they were the papers filed, filing number/docket number and the receipt for paying in full for the divorce. As you can imagine, I was floored and this was not a good way to start the day.
BTW - My daughters are 13. (twins) I have sat them both down and talked to them in depth about what happened to me, exactly why it happened and how it affected me all these years. They totally understand, they forgive me for anything that happened in the past and told me that it was ok and they really do understand. They are amazing kids and I feel so bad for the stuff they have had to go through because of my problems. We get along great now and it's a total 180 from all the bickering and resentment of the past. All they want to do is hang out with me now. Mountain biking, movies, games etc. etc. Our relationship is getting so much better and we are really close.
They are not taking this divorce well at all. In fact they are really devastated by it. They are also extremely aggravated that my wife has been going out all the time, not spending time with them and they see all the hurtful spiteful stuff she is doing to me, which really adds to the problem so you can imagine how they act out towards her, which also adds even more stress and gets my wife even angrier at me because of cause she blames me.
We went to the amusement park and even though we had a good time it was really awkward. We never went there as a trio before, we always went as a family. It was sad and they girls new I was upset even though I tried to hide it. I could tell it was really bothering them to that she was not there. They even tried to talk her into going right before we left, but she wanted no part of it.
TONIGHT
When we got home the girls went right to be and I grabbed a shower and went up in our room. I noticed some stuff moved around again and then I saw that W tore up a letter I gave her a few months ago. This was a letter where I basically poured my heart out and verified my love for her. It was a very special letter and to see it torn up in the garbage was unbearable. It was left in a way where I was meant to see it.
Me Like an IDIOT went downstairs and confronted her (sort of) I said. "I cannot believe you tore that letter up." She said "give me a fkn break already and get over it. I want you out of here." It ended up getting into talk about the relationship... well if that's what you want to call it. It was more her just saying all kinds of crap. I don't remember word for word what all was said but here's some of the things that was tossed at me:
"I've asked you over and over to leave and you are still here. Do something for me for once and move. I can't stand you being here"
I ask her what she is so angry about and why she is pretty much projecting nothing but hate towards me - she said "she is sick of everything and just wants to be happy. We are not good for each other, too much has been done already and she wants out"
She also mentioned again that I should go stay with my friend. I had to stress again that she is a friend nothing more period. Cynical comments like yeah right, you're a liar etc. followed. She said "I don't want you talking about me to anyone and I said likewise. She said she only talks to people because they are understanding etc.
She keeps bringing up stuff in the past that occurred while I was going through manic episodes etc. She said she has too much resentment and cannot get past it. (even though she just got passed it a few months ago when we were getting along great) when I mentioned that fact, she said she was lying and not really happy. That's bull though, I mean she was going well out of her way to show her love and we were getting along great... there was nothing fake about it.
Says she does not want to hate me. She cannot ever tell me her real feelings.
I tried to explain again about why exactly I had the setback. She said it's too late and she does not care.
"I'm glad you're helping yourself and I see you're fine now, but I've seen it all before. In three months you'll have some other episode. I try to explain that you cannot compare this to anything else because I never changed my diet like this nor was I on this particular treatment program. I so tried to get her to understand that but she just gets pissed off and attacks me.
I have a lecture video taped from a neurosurgeon that goes into great detail on exactly what happened to me related to blood/sugar as well as gluten intolerance. There are clinical studies, overviews of specialized hypoglycemic diet and a lot of detail on anger, irritability, rage, depression etc, all a direct result of that. She refuses to even watch it. She says she does not care... she said i still have bipolar. I said even if I did have bipolar that's also caused by diet and deficiency. She said she still does not care as too much has been done and she cannot go through any misery anymore. She wants to be happy. I said so do I! Then it was back to us not being good for each other and all the crap that happened in the past. She was going on about stuff i did the kids too, which has already been resolved with them, but she still keeps hanging on it. About me no being there for her and how many times she had to go to family and friends for support etc.
She said she does not want to be married and i could walk through fire for her now and It would not matter. She said she though long and hard about the divorce and would not have paid for it in full if she was not 100% sure that's what she wanted.
"I know in my heart this is the right thing to do, you don't think it is now, but you will later. You'll thank me later for doing this"
"We both need to be happy and we cannnot do that together"
"We had fun, but it was only once in a while, there's too much stress in the realtionship"
"Everyone sees these problems but you, you refuse to see them and think everythings going to be fine, you need to let me go already"
"Nothing you or anyone else says or does is going to change my mind"
"All I want you to do is have a good relationship with the girls like you're doing now"
"Yeah, you're fine now, but I cannot take a chance of you going back into some crash/episode again"
"The girls are really messed up because of you"
"I don't even want money from you... just move out now"
When i mentioned about her always talking down about me to other people she jumped and said that she always defends me and that even when friends were telling her to get out of the relationship she stayed strong. Huh? she totally turns her back on me when I need her the most.
I noticed she was really annoyed that I was talking to other people. She kept saying go talk to your friends or go live with them. Then she said "they'll see how you really are... then see how understanding they are."
I was like well who do you talk to and what about the cheating that you admitted to. She got defensive and said "it was just for emotional support and the same thing you were doing" she said she did not have sex with anyone and it was not about sex, It was about understanding and being there when she needed them. I didn't press any farther there.
She then started picking out thing from the past and different episodes to point out I guess to justify to me her actions. I validated some of it, but I was starting to get annoyed and said I'm done arguing and went up stairs.
It's like she cannot have a normal conversation, she has to constantly drudge the past up and slam it on the table. She absolutely refuses to see the real problem (the illness) and the cause of it.She has blinders on to it and refuses to even look at it. I overheard the girl trying to tell her about it to and she was saying again that it won't last and that she's been through it too many times. etc.
It's so frustrating when she won't even try in the least bit to understand the problem I was dealing with that caused the last episode and countless ones before.
I said to her - you explain to me how all of a sudden I have a balanced state/mood almost instantly and it's not from diet and nutrients. She just says she does not care and does not want to hear it. When I try to explain it with backed up facts and proof positive she just get defensive and angrier and brings more past garbage back up.
I'm trying to think of some of the other stuff she was going on about, but I'm drawing a blank. I have not seen here this determined before. She was high agitated the entire conversation, even while i was in a good mood. That only seemed to get her angrier. I was like, it seems like you don't want me to be happy or you only want to see me upset, angry or miserable. All i want to be is happy just like you want and I don't see how running away from marriage is going to accomplish that/ Working together to overcome problems is what I've always wanted and still want.
Again she just said she does not care and that i need to get it through my head and face reality that we are getting divorced. Then back to the comments about moving out.
SPITE
I mentioned in the other post that she does spiteful things just to get at me. For example, here's some of the things she's doing.
We both have myspace pages. I try to stay away from hers because she puts stuff on it to aggravate me. She changed her relationship status to "single". She'll add songs that are geared to hostile breakups, revengeful breakups, sluty songs etc. She'll put comments related to going out and being free, feeling wanted and needed etc. She took all the photos of me off and deleted any comments I posted in the past.
I know she does it to try and get a rise out of me, but I'm not biting, but it does play a toll on my emotions.
I have some code on my page so I can tell who visits and I see that she is there daily. In fact a couple times a day. I have my profile set to private and she is not in my friends so she cannot see it. I did that related to the "mysterious" comments related to DR/Db. I mean the first thing she does when she goes online is head for my myspace.
She talks on the phone extra loud about going out and partying. She knows It bothers me. She tries to pretend shes super happy, but I can tell that it's a show to aggravate me. She'll leave pictures of celebrities that she thinks are hot lying around. She even put two on top of the tv. I mean its ridiculous.
Sleeping in another room. Not acknowledging me or ignoring me.
Right now i have pretty much zero faith or confidence in her and can definitely see her following through the divorce right to the end no matter what anyone says or does.
I have no clue what to do. I'm totally devastated by all this. What kills me is that I finally felt so great that I had FINALLY OVERCOME this massive problem that I have death with for all these years. I felt, damn, finally we are going to solve this and be happy and instead... everything went totally opposite and negative. It really sucks to that we have mostly mutual friends and most of them are with her side. They are pushing her into it too and validating and encouraging her every move.
- Scott
Original Thread Part 2 M-37 W-34 M 10 T 14 2 Ds 13
sgctxok - No I was not diagnosed with celiac. Hypoglycemia and an intolerance to wheat/gluten, which is basically the same. A food allergy. For example. Once on a clean diet for a min of 10 days I was reintroduced wheat/gluten and bam had a bad reaction. I got a red rash all over my body and within an hour I was totally exhausted and ended up sleeping about 16 hours. The 2nd test caused the exact same symptoms. I was depressed the entire next day as well. As for rage/anger it is diet based which also including avoiding preservative, colorings additives like MSG etc. No refined sugars or grains. Once the refined sugars, simple carbs and refined grains were removed I felt 1000% better. I mean it was drastic, I never felt anything like that before. I'm working with a doctor and nutritionist
failycrazy23 - as far as OM, she admitted to me during the last breakup that she cheated on me because of emotional emptiness. She stressed that it was not sexual, just emotional. I'm not sure if it was sexual, but I gave her the benefit and I also forgave her and told her that I understood why it happened. When we got back together she told me she told the OM that she could no longer have any communication with him and that was that. Does she still talk to him or others? I don't know. My guess is yes she does.
Arthur - I have provided quite a bit of stuff for her to go over. She says she did read through it and knows all about it, but I find that hard to believe because she just yesterday was saying that it's bipolar and I need meds not a diet. That was probably just anger spewing, but still shows to me that she is not willing to hear or learn anything more about hypoglycemia, food allergy or gluten intolerance.
DanceQueen - I know you are right on the money and she's basically said exactly what you have said. I know she was scared and had/has every right to be. Actually there has only been two diagnosis. The Bipolar/Manic Depressive diagnoses and hypoglycemia/gluten intolerance. The hypo was discovered this year, the bipolar ms-diagnoses has been standing for years and it IS the reason nothing really worked to permanently fix the problem. I was treated for the wrong problem. That's what I've been trying to explain to her, but she wants to hear non of it as she is just focused on all of the crap that occurred while under treatment for bi-polar. I do see your points though and I guess I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place.
She will not go to counseling and she only talks to her friends and family who are supporting and encouraging her decision.
BTW - when I asked her why she tore up that letter today she said because it was nothing but lies. Pretty much validates what you just said. She said her feelings (before this last episode) were fake and she was lying about them. I know that's total bull. She was talking about renewing our vows, was amazed how long it was since we argued or had a fight, was planing to start a business, move, get land and build a house etc. These were not just fake feeling, these were very detailed expressions and plans.
This is such a massive setback. We had awesome plans, we were getting along so good, everything was going great. I was falling so deep in love with her again and I know she was too. It was all just torn right apart in a period of a week or two. Now it's worse than it's ever been. I don't even know how I'm going to do any DB/DR now, I cannot even function and to top it off she is even more motivated than ever to get a divorce.
- Scott
Original Thread Part 2 M-37 W-34 M 10 T 14 2 Ds 13
I've been thinking about one option for a while now, but I'm not sure about it.
We are good friends with an older couple who know our situation really well. They are in their 60s and we have known them a long time (probably 10 years) My wife used to work with her. W is actually like a daughter to them. She helps them out every now and then, she is even in charge of their estate, she talks to them often and I guess you can say leans on them too when she needs a shoulder.
They are really great people. I was considering reaching out to them and explaining things from my point of view as well as my wives "smashed hopes" point. I know they would actually sit and listen and evaluate everything in a non-judgmental way. They would be the type that would even go talk to my doctor about it all as well as sit down and watch the lecture and read all the material I have.
I was just basically going to ask them to hear me out because I think her choice of divorce is a serious mistake and all based on fear and past emotions.
My only concern is that W would just get even more aggravated, but then again maybe some progress can come of it either way.
The thing I don't have and I need is a support network that can help me stay on track. I did not have that in the past and even though I was ms-diagnosed it still would have been helpful to have a bunch of family and friends be supportive and catch the little setback I could have before they got out of control or turned into an episode. With hypo its not difficult. For example, if I go longer than 3 or 4 hours without eating I'll start to get "down" and "irritable" because of my glucose levels. that is easy to fix with even just a simple handful of nuts and a few raisins. Boom, instant change in mood and level blood sugar. I never knew about that in the past I can see plenty of times where "major" episodes could have been easily prevented just like that. Maybe if everyone new that I was hypo and they new how the illness affects people, how to counteract it they would be supportive.
I even have pure blood sugar tabs and I carry a few in my wallet and I have them stuffed in jackets, the glove box in the car etc. just in case. They do the same thing that a meal/snack would do for your blood sugar.
The only people supportive of me right now are my parents, my daughters and a few friends. W and friends plus her whole family are basically against me and have no clue about it and just go with what she says about bipolar.
The only reason I mention that is because I agree that you can fall back into old habits, patterns etc, but it's not likely when you have solid support from all of your family and friends that understand exactly what is going on.
What do you think?
- Scott
Original Thread Part 2 M-37 W-34 M 10 T 14 2 Ds 13
I've read all about the last resort technique and by what I have read around he forum in DB and in DR and considering my current sitch I should probably put the LRT into play immediately correct?
And now here is where I'm confused -
Should I physically move out of the house and put the LRT to work or should I remain here and continue what I'm doing with GAL, becoming distant and of course putting the LRT to work?
My biggest problem is that I know if I move out again the kids are going to take it really hard. It will crush them. W wants me out of here and keeps stressing it and kids keep telling her they don't want me to go so it's hectic when she is talking to them about any of this. They are going to freak out if I move out and I know they are going to take it out on her, which will probably make her ten times more mad at me.
I really do not know what to do here.
- Scott
Original Thread Part 2 M-37 W-34 M 10 T 14 2 Ds 13
