Someday I'll learn how to post my previous threads.
For now, here is my revised email I'm about to send to h. It's time for me to right my wrongs and leave the rest up to H and God:
Jason, I want you to know that I’m writing this with no expectations. I don’t expect you to respond.
I’m coming to terms with a lot of things…things that I take responsibility for. A large part of this was stemming from my pride. So, the first thing I want to do is apologize. I’m sorry. I betrayed your trust and I didn’t show you respect. You deserved none of that. Respect is unconditional, and I put conditions on it. That was unfair to do to you. I made promises to you that I didn’t keep, not only betraying your trust, but obliterating my integrity. I have denigrated virtually every complaint that you have made about me. In order to what? Feel better about myself? That’s more than selfish, that’s stupid. I am so sorry. I know my behavior was very painful to you. I don’t every want to do that again. I have had a hand in destroying our family and hurt our kids more than they know right now.
For some reason, I needed to be in control, and I needed to be right. You’re right, look where it got me. I’ve stripped away my pride, and come to the humble place where I accept that I’m no longer in the driver’s seat (not easy for me). But, God is at the wheel, and I simply have to enjoy the ride.
I was recently asked, “Do you want to be right, or do you want to be happy? I’m done being “right”. Now I just want to be happy.
Again, thank you for having loved me, and thank you for your willingness to die for me. I hope that you can accept my apology, even if it’s not in you to forgive me.
Contritely, Emily
Suggestions??
Me 36 Husband 35 D5 S2 separated: 10/29/07-present Served divorce papers 1/22/09 "When the world gives out beneath your feet, it is time to learn how to fly."
E-mail sent! I'm nervous, but relieved. Dom was right (again). It needed to be done. I titled it "my apology", and I hope he doesn't just delete it.
Me 36 Husband 35 D5 S2 separated: 10/29/07-present Served divorce papers 1/22/09 "When the world gives out beneath your feet, it is time to learn how to fly."
Oh, and I fixed the spelling too incase it's driving anyone crazy.
I DID do this for me, AND I have to keep reminding myself of that. Can I at least have the expectation that he won't delete it without reading it?
Me 36 Husband 35 D5 S2 separated: 10/29/07-present Served divorce papers 1/22/09 "When the world gives out beneath your feet, it is time to learn how to fly."
Why, well because you DO HAVE expectations from this e-mail. You EXPECT him to read it. This is what I call the hidden expectations and they are the worst of the worst of expectations. If it's really just for you well then it wouldn't matter would it?
You need to step back a bit and remember and accept the fact that you aren't in control. You can't control whether or not he reads it, deletes it or even opens it.
If we really want to love, we must learn how to forgive. - Mother Theresa
I liked it a lot! Don't worry, he is not going to delete it, he might not open it right away, and he might not comment on it or respond to it, or he might lash out....but I doubt very seriously that he is not going to delete it....this is what he has been waiting for. I think he is going to be surprised at your candor and honesty.
It took a lot of courage to do that. Dom will be happy that you did it, even if he is on vacation.
We are here for you regardless of the response or lack thereof.
Best Wishes
TwinDad Me 39, W 36, M 11 W - MLC, WAW???? 2 Kids B/G 3 YRS Old Start of the Long and Bumpy Road..... On the verge of piecing.....a new beginning
OK, even though I did it just for me, he still needs to READ IT for the apology to happen. So, yes, that is my expectation.
When I say I have no expectations, I mean I don't expect him to come running to me, falling on his knees in tears confessing his undying love. BUT I do expect him to read it.
Last edited by ms ladybug; 06/19/0805:32 AM.
Me 36 Husband 35 D5 S2 separated: 10/29/07-present Served divorce papers 1/22/09 "When the world gives out beneath your feet, it is time to learn how to fly."
I am proud of you for taking 100% responsibility right now- thats all you can do...for YOU and for your H. BLAME is part of his fear. you need to hear it in one ear and let it out..they are just words...no reaction- think of him saying this to anyone...and you would say " ok , what else?"
This will set you free no matter what...this is all this is - learning about yourself.
Take it one day at a time- you are good at that by now ;-)
Pisces
Pisces M 31 H 32 M 7 yrs S 5/10 Beginning Contact! Vibes Hot Tub Cheese
