I don't know how to do that quoting thing but you said
"I know she feels outnumbered. I just think that she turns it into something it isn't, uses it as an excuse."
Ok, I'm going to feel the need to apologise profusely but that is, IMHO, quite a harsh statement. If those are her feelings then they are valid to her as she is feeling them... it may be in your eyes an excuse but it might not be to her. Maybe you are being a little quick to dismiss?
God, I'm really not good at being even slightly contraversial/ putting my head above the parapit. Sorry if I offended, oh god now i'm apologising, sorry... :-)
I think everyone has made some very valid points about W and her feeling excluded. Whatever plans you make for the 4th, just make sure that they are simple enough that she feels like she can join you but duck out if she gets overwhelmed.
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
Jeff, Living in the house with three guys, I learned that when they invited me, even if they didn't sugar coat it and put a cherry on top, they meant it.
Either I went or I didn't. I didn't need it to be all sugar coated to go.
I just needed to feel welcome.
I figure if they took the time to invite me, I was welcome.
I don't know that's just me.
E
"Sometimes in the winds of change, we find our true direction"
Maybe I didn't say it quite right, and I can only know what it looks like to me, obviously! I will try again!
I don't think we have ever done anything to exclude her, even in this latest instance. Remember, she very pointedly excluded herself from the late Fathers Day baseball game. I think that she uses the fact that the rest of us are guys to justify her feelings of (I don't even know what they are). That way she doesn't have to look at herself, she can just blame us. It does sound harsh, but after living with her for 23 years, I notice patterns!
Julia! DO NOT APOLOGIZE! One of the best things about these boards is the hard questions we put to each other. Making us think a level below where we want to, and take a second look at things. So, please, keep doing it! You know, it was a harsh statement. And I am going to think some more about it. Her feelings are valid, I know that. I think that the way she uses them may be less so.
We will try to come up with something good for the 4th, and make sure she knows it includes her. I will start thinking about that soon!
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
Geez. I have all girls. I am not sure which is worse!!!
At any rate, I think my H probably felt a little of the same way your W does (outnumbered lol). I am not sure what I would have done if I had boys because somehow I wonder if I would have related to them as well as I do my D's. I wonder if maybe that could be a little of what your W is feeling?
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
I don't know. She gets along with all the boys pretty well. Especially the younger two at this point. S18 is, well, 18, so there is all of that! And S20 is 20, and not only ready, but also able, to be independent.
I guess 18 is 18, whether a young man or young woman...they think they know everything!!!
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
