I asked her if she would like to come to the park to play with our son. She accepted.
I did absolutely NO talking about the relationship at all, and avoided anything that could lead in that general direction.
She mostly just played with our son, and when she left, she told me thnks for inviting her.
She also sent me an unsolicited text message the other night (night before I picked up our son) saying that he enjoyed going to the movies, but he now thought he was Kung Fu Panda. Basically, she said it in a humerous way, and I responded in kind.
I'm hanging on, minimizing the contact any way possible, and trying to stay upbeat while I try to ride out the storm and pray for clear skies afterward.
Again, I would very much like to express my SINCERE gratitude to everyone helping me hang in there. It is very hard to do sometimes, but thanks to you guys (2 of you above in particular) I'm hanging in there.
Seeing her made me choke up again, but I think I hid it pretty well. I kept thinking back to our wedding, and how she used to look at me....I could see how much she loved me in her eyes. Now, there is nothing.
The way she teared up when I stepped up on the stage and sang "You Are So Beautiful" to her...the first and last time she ever heard me sing despite the fact that I had played in a band for 10 years. When I stepped down, she hugged me and said "You know, you have a beautiful voice. I'll love you forever. I promise."
we all think that once we are M the coast is clear and that the original sentiments that were present back them should remain regardless. M is a plant that will die without constant care.
Try to focus on the present/future, thinking of the past will just set you back. Of course it is nearly impossible at the time to not think of it, but for your own peace of mind you must force yourself to change your mind frame.
What good book have you read lately? what you think of the most will grow, if it is neg. thoughts, well, those will engulf you.Take care ok?
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
The W said she was going to come pick our son up around 9. At 10:30, when she still had not shown up, I was SURE something had happened to her. She would NEVER be late to pick up our son, and I was getting extremely scared.
I left the house to drive to her place to check on her to be sure she was okay. About 3 miles from my house, I see her car pass me, so I turned around.
When we pulled up, I was shaking and extremely relieved just to see she was okay and unharmed.
Instead of telling her THAT, I said "Where have you been?" I immdiately mentally slapped myself in the face.
I dont know why I said that....I was nervous, scared, etc all at one time and that's just the first thing that came out of my mouth. She looked at me with an obviously displeased look on her face. I immediately said "What I MEANT to say was that I was scared to death something had happened to you. I'm just SO glad to see you are okay."
She said "yeah..okay."
Trying to reinforce my position, I told her that I know how she is about picking up our son, and when she was almost 2 hours late, I was sure something had happened. I told her I had debated calling her mother to see if she had heard from her, but I decided not to.
I finally was able to give her a hug, and she started to explain where she had been. Something about a "meet and greet" for her company, etc.
I said "Look, it doesn't really matter. All I care about is that you are safe and okay...but I AM glad you got good news about your job. I'm just SO relieved you are okay."
It was obvious I was shaken up...I had tears in my eyes because I had to give my son to her for a few days, and I miss him terribly. After I belted him into the car seat, I closed his door, and told her a few things about him that I felt she needed to know.
Before she left, I asked her if I could hug her again, and she allowed me to bend over into the driver's seat and hug her.
I said "Take care of him for me...he means the world to me. And I'm very glad to see you okay, too."
Then, she left.
I went back into the house and kicked myself in the arse the entire way for "freaking out" like that and acting all stupid infront of her...but most of all, for asking her where she had been in an almost accusatory manner when that's NOT what I was thinking.
Why do the words always seem to come out NOT like I intend them to?! I know i was scared and nervous and relieved, but still....I shouldn't have said that, and I'm sure that she took it as the same-old crap I used to pull.
I'd feel the exact same way if stbx were to bring my kids almost 2hrs late, she should've called you, her response was not very nice, I hope she at least said sorry for being so late. Keep it at one hug hon, give her space.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
yeah, she appologized for not calling me that night.
We had to have another discussion yesterday due to our son "telling on" each other...saying things that are obviously not true.
I felt we had to discuss how to handle it together so that we both did the same thing in order to be consistant.
My concern was that our son told me "I dont love mommy anymore, she gets crabby and breaks my toys and then she wont give me any food and she hit me with a baseball bat in the nose." Of course, I know for a fact that none of it is true, and he is using it as a means of trying to play both of us against each other.
I told the stbx that I was concerned because if he said that to the wrong person at the wrong time, she could potentially get in serious trouble. I told her I punished him for telling lies about his mommy...mostly because he went around and told a few of my relatives the same thing at dinner, after which I of course told them that it was not true.
The stbx said "yeah, he says stuff like that about you when I have him. Look, this is pretty traumatic for him, and I guess he's just trying to make the best of it."
I told her I realized why, but the point was that we have to have a meeting of the minds on how to deal with it.
We came to an agreement about how to handle it from now on, but the comment about "this is traumatic for him" kind of hit home. As time goes on, it is becomming more and more clear that she is planning to stick to her guns and go forward with the divorce. Almost like she understands that this is going to hurt our son, but she is going to go through with it anyhow...at least that is what the tone of her voice portrayed.
I dunno if I am overreacting or reading between the lines too much or what, but I tend to be pretty perceptive about things, and my gut keeps telling me she isn't coming back.
It's not one or two things, it is everything added together: The new pets, new furniture, the acceptance that this is going to be traumatic for our son, the constant going out, the new way she dresses (obviously to attract male attention), etc.
Well, its not like to another city or anything, but she's moving out of her apartment. The new place is a block away or so.
I smell the final nail in the coffin.
I dont WANT to, but I think it is time I start facing the reality that it is probably over...and that if she DID come back, it would be nothing short of an absolute miracle.
she could move 3 times and still that wouldn't mean it is over, you've been separated a few weeks (ok, so it feels like forever), but honestly, give it time, there is no hurry. No despairing ok?
As far as your son, have you considered counseling? sounds like he needs it,the tales he tells are disturbing, he needs some help.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
yeah, I've already talked to a few counselors about getting my son in. I wanted to interview them first though. The W also thinks it is a good idea, but she is leaving that to me.
As far as how long we've been separated, it has been 281 days. Its hard NOT to despair...but I know what you mean. Thanks.
