As I stated in my first post, my w is a WAW. We've been separated since Memorial day. We had lunch together Sunday as a family. We have a 4 year old daughter. It was a great time, didn't talk about our relationship, just general things. I am in the DB process now.
On Monday I wrote her the email below.
"I just wanted to write you this note for two reasons, it will help me feel better and heal, and hopefully you as well.
I just want to apologize for not going to your doctors appointments, and the driving appointments. I have taken the time to reflect on the situation or the last few months and I realized today while reading my journals what I have done.
Sure, I know in the past that I have said I am sorry, but usually followed that up with I didn't know, or you never ask me, or I was in school or working OT. Always trying to minimize the hurt, which only increased your hurt inside. Here I was trying to justify my lack of respect and support, by down playing your feelings. I was wrong to do that. I always had an excuse. Nobody should go through what you did alone, and I let you. I let you down. I was not the man I promised you I would be. Today I have to take ownership of my actions.
So today I want to apologize. I have now excuses! There is no excuse. I should have been there. You shouldn't have to tell me, or ask me. Which you did both and I was to blind to see. "
She responded later that day with the following:
"At this point if it makes it easier for you to let it out, I’m here to listen. My life has been full of disappointments and with each one I get stronger. A year or so ago I could not have done what I have recently done, but as time goes on we all gain strength. I never intended to stop loving you, it just happened. Not over one day, month or even year, just happened. Focusing on moving on will offer you sanity and relief. I know right now its far from your mind but it will get easier, it has for me.
You will eventually meet someone and all these things you’ve learned will help you have a healthy relationship. You deserve a better person than me, I have to focus on me for awhile and get my own head in a better place. I really do feel better each day, some are good and bad but for the most part I am feeling better and less stress."
I didn't see the email until this morning. We talked on the phone late last night for about 10 mins. Again a great conversation about general stuff.
Should I respond to the email? I was thinking not, maybe I should not have sent the first email.
Any thoughts?
Keep the faith!! One Goal! Thanks CZ me: 34 XW: 29 D: 5 T: 13 M:9 Dday: Sep 18, 08 joint legal and physical custody of child XW recently told me, she d me, cause she tought I would abandoned her!
I won't respond. Just let her have her last word. She shifted the focus on her in the end, and that's where it needs to remain.
Other things to consider is validating her feelings from this point out. Don't bring anything up, let her, and when she takes the lead to discuss something, make sure you really listen and validate. Let her have the last word. You don't have to agree with her, but the point will get across that you're listening.
Also, her stating you deserve a better person than me... I wonder if she feels somewhat guilty? When we walk away, we do feel that guilt, but some are really good at stifling that, not accepting that, others can wear it a little more openly. Depends on the person and situation.
My W just sent me a txt. She wants to meet for dinner tomorrow to sort through my D new pictures. I said yes. Baby steps....
Keep the faith!! One Goal! Thanks CZ me: 34 XW: 29 D: 5 T: 13 M:9 Dday: Sep 18, 08 joint legal and physical custody of child XW recently told me, she d me, cause she tought I would abandoned her!
