hi all I'm 32 w is 39 and she moved out 6/7/08, this is both our 2nd marriage, we have 5 kids all together 3 she had previous, I had two previous, The last two weeks have sucked, I knew she was moving out, so I of course began begging and pleading and crying and telling her to stay, I was snooping through her stuff, listening to her voicemail, I even showed up at her new place the night before she was moving out, trying to talk her out of it, she wants a divorce bad and has said the last two years of her life have been the worst ever. She said she doesn't care about me or what I do and that she is done. I want to save my marriage soo bad and am willing to do everything I can to change myself into a better person. I had a coaching session today and it helped somewhat, I haven't talked to her for 3 days, and then she called today to say she forgot some stuff at the house and if it would be okay if she came over when I was at work, this was right after my session and I think I handled it great, I sounded upbeat and kept the conversation very brief and I ended it first. The truth is I am not upbeat and very sad, I don't know how I am going to make it not talking to her, it's driving me crazy thinking she is sooo happy without me, and it doesn't seem like I will be missed at all. I told her last week I was going to fight for both of us to work this out and she said I was wasting my time, Please help with some good advice, I can't get her out of my head and I feel sick all the time.
As painful as this experience is, its going to make you a stronger person, sounds silly right about now but its true. Provided you are honestly taking the steps needed to improve yourself, you will be better off for this experinece, with or without her.
I think its great you are using the coaching!
Its tough, but give her that space. GAL (get a life) and use your time productively. Continue using the coaching, continue working on the things you know you need to work on. Continue visiting this site, for me, its been an invaluable resource and source of comfort. There is a wealth of helpful info here
Time for talk is over, its time for action. Show how you are a better human being rather than merely talk about change. We did enough talk about change without enough follow through. As hard as it is, avoid chasing her, avoid emotionally draining dialog by bringing up the relationship when you see her. Do your best to put on a happy face and try to ensure every encounter you have with her is positive and friendly. Reestablish friendship, impossible to do if you are blubbering about relationship each time you see her, that will only push her farther away.
Take it day by day. I know its tough, its a massive adjustment, but it does get easier.
Me: 37 Wife: 40 Son: 7yo Son: 18 mo Bomb: 12/31/07 Status: Reconciled 1/2009 but backsliding terribly right now
