As somebody already mentioned, it is a dating relationship and we dated many others before we married our W. I have two ex's and have had many gf before, between and after my Marriages. I still think of them all from time to time, but the two I married were the only ones I truly loved. All the others were "comfort & convenience" relationships. I knew I didn't want to marry them, but I still enjoyed their company. They were in my life at that time for a reason, but it wasn't for a long term relationship. Maybe that's how B thought of you. Maybe you were better friends then potential lovers. Kindred spirits so to speak. You helped each other along at a particular intersection of your lives. I think we're touched by many souls during our journey though life. They serve their purpose and we serve ours, then we move on.
The world's population is just under 7 billion. There are plenty of single or divorced B's out there that are just as comforting and/or interesting to talk with. There is no scarcity and there never will be. Move on because there is no other choice for us. It took us "dumpees" a lot of pain and anguish to learn and deal with that reality.
As Dr Suess I think once said... "Don't be sad it's over, be happy it happened"
Last edited by Astimegoeson; 06/15/0809:35 AM.
"It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare." -Mark Twain
Spent today in the yard. Had to clean up from some of the recent storms.
Found my mind wandering. Theres a surprise. We've all been here. Looking back. Remembering what was. It's amazing sometimes. I try not to think about it but sometimes you just can't seem to stop.
I remember the smell of her hair. The sound of her voice in a whisper. The small of her back when I pulled her close. The shape of her eyes when she smiled. I can remember the size of her hand when she held mine. How she held her cup of coffee.
I can hear her voice just before she fell asleep and again when she woke up. The excitement in her eyes when I would pick her up for a date.
Some people ask me, "were you in love with her or the Idea of being in love". Well, it's been a while and these things are still crystal clear. I can close my eyes and see so many things about her. I have to say, it was a true love for me.
I'm sure everyone here can say the same. I just wanted to post it. The more I try and forget these things, put them behind me to move on, the stronger they seem to be. The more they seem to haunt me.
I know there is no majic words or pills to take this away. And I am G.A.L.ing. But these feelings for her were so deep. I know I had walls up when I first met her. Coming out of my divorce, I had walls. Always had the feelings, but didn't always let them be known...for fear I guess.
I've been on a lot of emergency scenes. Seen things so tradgic but always held it together. I look for that strength in me now, FOR ME, and it feels like it is hardly there. (still spot on at emergency scenes so at least my pts. are getting the best)
Today is a bad day. Maybe tomorrow will be better. Eventually one of these days has to be better.
How is your day going? I would love to hear about the things that are happening in your life that have no relationship to B - things that you have seen or done where thoughts of B do not enter into your brain.
I have been thinking about your question for an hour now. It is a good question.
My answer however, will not be good I think. It's actually embarrassing.
It seems so many things were tied to her in some way or another. When I am on an emergency call, (except in the dark of a fire) I concentrate on the task at hand. But going to the call and returning, still has her in my thoughts.
I've tried biking, swimming...excercise in general but that seems to only keep me busy physically, mentally I still drift.
I've taken a couple long Motorcycle rides (mini-vacations) but like a fool, think to myself, B would have liked to do this or that. And when I do things that have no "real" previous conection to her, I still think about her.
Its stupid obsessive thinking. I KNOW. I am disappointed with myself for it.
Maybe I am just one of those sad saps that needs to do for others (not just anyone otherwies the volunteering I do would be working) that really makes me the happiest.
Goal (1): No more beating yourself up. You have a broken heart and need to find a way out - that is all.
Goal (2): Dedicate one hour a day (when you are awake ) that you do not allow yourself to think about B. Do whatever it takes to blank your mind and/or pull it away from B. At this point - allow yourself permission to think about her the other 23 hours. The goal is just one hour.
I find it helps to find a new activity or something that has nothing to do with the person that broke your heart.
Let's take this one baby step at at time to get you out of your rut. And yes, I would like to see a post from you about that hour everyday - so there is accountability.
) that you do not allow yourself to think about B. Do whatever it takes to blank your mind and/or pull it away from B. At this point - allow yourself permission to think about her the other 23 hours. The goal is just one hour.