what it is

[whitelight]

Hello everyone!

Well,it's been a month since I broke up the only relationship I've had since the ex.

I've gone on a few more dates. I am ready to give up. I am now deciding that the universe has designated me to be alone at least for the time being.

and when this latest subscription on eharmony winds down, I'm not renewing. I'm done with the stupid online dating.

I'm sick of it all. lol.

I have tried so hard. I have dated so many men. Noone who knows me could give me anything but an A+ for effort. And there you have it. People who lie and cheat have an easier time of finding love again. and that's that. That's life.

Yes, poor, poor me. But tomorrow is a new day and the wine will have worn off and we'll see how I feel.

[Committed2Him]

whitelight,

Hang in there! Soooo many around here have wound up in good relationships when they least expected it.

Me, I had a couple of attempts but not the right ones, and I have learned from each. I feel I am still a work in progress and when I'm about ripe, the right woman will come into my path.

In the meantime, I am doing my best to enjoy my life, doing the things I may not be able to to while in a committed relationship.

Bless you, it will get better, I'm sure.

[cat03]

People who lie and cheat have an easier time of finding love again.

I wouldn't call what they have love WL, it is at least real love, perhaps emotional love, obsession gone wrong, but not love.

[Committed2Him]

whitelight,

hope you are feeling better today

I ditto what cat said.

true love is "other" centered. an R based on lies will inevitably crumble.

Better to be alone and at peace with one's self (and God) then to be with an other where the foundation is shaky. It's like living on a house of weak stilts in typhoon country, when the storm hits, which it will, all is washed away.

Do something really nice for yourself today. (offering up prayers for ya)

[whitelight]

Yay! Thanks for the prayers.

Thanks for the postive responses and comments.

One foot in front of the next.

[cat03]

what do you for yourself? for fun?

[Chazz]

whitelight... when I finally stopped trying as hard as I was, I shortly thereafter met someone wonderful.

I found that my efforts to direct traffic so precisely was exactly what kept me having lousy dating experiences. On the other hand, the more I took care of myself without direct expectation of return, the better my experiences got.

Remember, there is a shortage of quality people out there (as you seem to have experienced). Very few have made the investment to improve themselves. I dare say that the representation of people who seek self-improvement through these message boards are only a small fraction of the number of people out there.... so by you participating in this effort of reading a book like DB and participating in these discussions, you are in the rare minority of peole working on themselves. (Wow that was a long sentance and hope it made some sense).

What I am trying to say is that quality people will shine and be noticed in time. Time is the painful part as it seems you have experienced.

Keep working on yourself. Keep being one of the rare quality people. You will just naturally attract rather than have to seek. That is what I have found works anyway.

Ciao.

Chazz

[whitelight]

What do I do for myself and for fun?

Yoga, art exhibits, hiking, movies.

I keep a journal. I meditate. I pray.

I hang out with friends. Work. Plan little trips.

I eat well. Cook. Listen to music, go to concerts. Wine taste.

Read at coffee shops. Browse book stores.

Volunteer.

I try to keep busy. Chazz, interesting about not that many people being quality people for relationships. hm. Maybe that's the problem. I don't know.

What do I need to improve to be more attractive? My financial situation I would say. That's the biggest thing.

Hm.

[whitelight]

They say insanity is doing the same thing and expecting different results.

Well, I'm sick of being alone. I need to do something different. What? I'm willing to try anything. I've read every relationship/self help book on the planet. I have gone to therapy. I have done online dating, random dating etc. What can I do differently? I've tried giving up to God, I've prayed about it, etc.

What more can I do?

[Chazz]

Whitelight.... how about stop trying. Would that not be different. Rather than trying to make it happen... let it happen.

I work with a guy who is desparate for a girlfriend. A girl I work with says it shows all over him that he is desparate and it is unappealing.

If you believe in God it sounds like. Youve mentioned giving it up to God. I have often done that and then in the next moment taken it back because God was not doing a very good job of it... or at least He wasnt doing it the way I thought he should. More on a subconscious level.

If you give something up, you have to really give it up. Surrender completely.

Obviously what you have been doing isnt getting the result you want. I tried stopping drugs and booze at least a dozen different ways. Until finally I tried something different which mainly involved surrender. Complete surrender.

Sounds vague, I know. I suppose what I surrendered most was my expectations. Maybe that is what I am trying to say. Surrender without an expectation of what may materialize or without an expected timeline.

That is real surrender as I have experienced it.

The meaning of my comment about a shortage of people is that by making yourself eligible, when someone worthwhile does find you, he will want to make the effort to build something with you.

That is what I eventually experienced.

You never know when the miracle will arrive.

I hope these comments are helpful.

Ciao.

Chazz