I was hoping someone could give me some advice, i have been on and off this site for almost 2 years. My H had an affair about 2 years ago and of course he told me all the typical things- she's my soul mate, I've never felt like this before, I don't think i ever loved you.....blah blah blah, well of course the relationship didn't last and by the sounds of it, it was a complete disaster. However after that it doesn't stop, he starts up with 28 year old and he's 51 lol. that doesn't last, and now there's another one. I am so confused and depressed, he wants to be my friend and keeps telling me we will be a part of each others life for ever!! I tried to talk to him about marriage counselling but he says he doesn't feel like that about me anymore. I asked him - so you don't love me anymore, he would not answer, so i said - just say it, and he wouldn't and then he changed the subject. I just don't know how much more I can take, I love him so much and we have son(6) together and it breaks my heart that he will not grow up with his mother and father together as a family. I hate being alone, yet the thought of trying to start dating is sickening. When do I know it's time to move on? I hate feeling like this all the time and crying all the time.
hey ritad, how long you've been separated (I'm assuming you are?).
He is sure one confused if not depressed person, when men suffered depression they deny it and try to quell it with something...or somebody. That's why he keeps trying to find the answer to his unhappiness in women (obviously, he isnt' finding it) He might also be ashamed to admit he's done wrong and that's why eh can't find it in his heart to go back to you. If thinking about dating makes you sick then it is not the time to think about, but can still move on. He could be in this limbo for one more year ..or 3. You have to take care of yourself for you and your child, you can't just sit there hoping he'll "snap" out of it.
There is really nothing you can do, only he has the power to realize what he is doing and change himself, for any kind of chance to build a M he has to be the one to come back repentant and ready. Until then you have to rearrange your life with him out of the picture. I know it is very hard and it hurts to think of a future without him, but in order for you to function and to live without so much grief and heartache you must accept he isnt' ready and just focus on you and on your son. Fill your time with good stuff, go places with your son, meet friends for coffee, do stuff you stopped doing for xyz reasons.
Hugs)))))))) you can make it, I pray God gives you the peace you are seeking, you will be all right))))
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
Having a younger child can make getting out and doing things for yourself more difficult. Finding things to do together like bike riding, art, hiking can be alot of fun and a great stress reliever. I hope you make time for you in this. Taking care of yourself is what allows you to take care of your boy.
In MLC, having multiple affairs/relationships is very typical. He is searching, and will not find peace until he figures it out that his family is what he really wants.
Most likely, he is searching for another you. He will never find it.
Hang in there, do not give up hope. Establish your boundaries and pray.
I agree 100 percent with the statement that until he repents and shows remorse, he in no way is ready to come back to you.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
