back

[phoenyx]

You have gotten great advice, let me add one thing.....you talk about it 'feeling' right or wrong to talk about the R, etc...Your 'feelings' may not be YOUR best barometer right now.

The lists were a GREAT idea. I like your journalling, but like sofaraway said....there's a lot going on in your head. Give yourself a vacation from all this stuff going on in your head. Just take a break. It will be good for you and the R.

I have a ton going on in my head right now. I need to slow down. I am detaching, but it isn't easy. I guess my rationalization for getting the bookcases is my boys. That's why I want them tonight. I want to have them set up and have all their books in there. It's not somethng she uses, I'm not punishing her, but even if it was something that she had attachment to or someting like that, my boys need to come first. Also, me not going to get them shows that I am not doing something that I said I was going to do. It also shows laziness. I guess it is my own edge of the sword, cuz I said I was going to do it.

[phoenyx]

i do also need to say thank you to you all. i know i haven't been here a whole lot, but you are all here for me like i never left. and i appreciate that

[AmyC]

What comes around goes around.

You checked on me long after you checked OUT of DBing.

You sound better.

Just wind it down a couple more notches and don't do ANYTHING until you've thought about it.

No off the cuff actions.

Don't try to do this flying by the seat of your pants.

Go back to your original threads if need be.

Ain't so different.

I'm positive the "chill" factor is the same.

'cause I've had myself some serious deja vu.

[phoenyx]

I'm positive the "chill" factor is the same.

'cause I've had myself some serious deja vu

what do you mean?

[phoenyx]

somethings are the same. but things are different. f says that she is conflicted, xw was sure. f says she's still in love with me and finds this a negative. xw was ilybinilwy and i was a huge weight lifted off her shoulders. i think, given what i know about people and stuff like this, that she is going to call and want to at least open communication. what i need to do is get my head out of my @$$ before that happens and pray that she doesn't think i've closed the door. i also need to be clear on what i want for when that happens. i don't want her viewing the bookshelves as an excuse for me to call her, i need her to know that i am giving her space.

i am at work so i can't get on myspace, i will add you when i am at home

[phoenyx]

....even though she isn't taking "space" per/se i gotta drop the anger don't i?

[sofaraway]

YES........

One more thing, because you lay the sword down doesn't mean that you have to fall on it. The bookcases can wait.

It's not going back on your word when your word was said out of anger. It's showing good judgment to realize that some things were said in haste.


Ian

[phoenyx]

right but it's not a big deal to her at this point. you know the whole i'm so sorry thing. i don't know, that's what i have a hard time with. it just sounds like she feels that she's done. if that's how she feels today(i know tomorrow could change) i dont' want to leave them there and make her think it's an in for me. that would be pressure. it will be easier to sit still, and not worry about contact until she is ready(or i am ready) and i don't need anything from her

[AmyC]

I'm positive the "chill" factor is the same.

'cause I've had myself some serious deja vu

what do you mean?

You're pinging, bouncing off the walls, acting the fool...

All understandable manifestations but they're just not productive...

[AmyC]

right but it's not a big deal to her at this point. you know the whole i'm so sorry thing. i don't know, that's what i have a hard time with. it just sounds like she feels that she's done. if that's how she feels today(i know tomorrow could change) i dont' want to leave them there and make her think it's an in for me. that would be pressure. it will be easier to sit still, and not worry about contact until she is ready(or i am ready) and i don't need anything from her

Stop making everything a strategy.

Just chill out until your head is on straight.