It was very late at night. He couldn't talk. I knew he was crying. The next several calls were also late at night, and he expressed deep remorse for what he had done to me and the kids. He said he wanted to die, didn't deserve to live. I was very concerned that he might take his life, and I did a lot of praying during that period of time.
This is exactly what happened in my situation, too.
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
I'm so curious...late night...because they are thinking...drinking...or both?
My H has been having a hard time sleeping lately...tossing and turning. I've had to turn all ringers off at night because I teach online and have students all over the world. They call at all hours, but it seems the ones that call me in the middle of the night are in my time zone!!
Another thing I'd like to know....how long into MLC when this happened?
IMP suggested AlAnon to me...I worry about the drinking, but I really don't know how much of that is going on. My inlaws think my H numbs with alcohol more than I do...I've been to ALAnon meetings with my MIL.
Sophie
~~ Me-50 H-38 Married 15 years 8/7/08 D8 S10 S13 H affair 11/04-7/04 maybe longer H moved out 4/06
7/30/08- present: Reconnecting w/kids,friendly 10/30/08 H signed D papers 11/10/08 D papers filed 11/13/08 D papers served at home
My ex has also said he does not sleep at night. He said he shakes when he goes to bed and when he wakes up. He also said that he knows he is not stable.
I wish this process was not so long....
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
I find myself using the word 'unstable' to describe my H!!
My H admits he is not stable. But, in the same breath, coming home he says, is not going to do anything for him! It has been SO long...I remember when he first moved out, my friend asked me how long I was going to wait for him to come back...I thought...If he's not back in 3 months, I'm out of here!..HA! Here I am 2 years and 3 months later...but, I'm happier about myself now than I was 2 years ago.
So...it helps me to know that MLC is about an individual establishing stability within themselves...and not with the help of anyone one else. Like that old commerical 'I'd rather do it myself!!"
I've wonder about 'rock bottom'... because it seems things are getting worse for him. And, I haven't been in the picture much!
What is it like in their low, low points...and how do they pull themselves up?
I love all the input here and it the similarity is somehow, comforting.
Sophie
~~ Me-50 H-38 Married 15 years 8/7/08 D8 S10 S13 H affair 11/04-7/04 maybe longer H moved out 4/06
7/30/08- present: Reconnecting w/kids,friendly 10/30/08 H signed D papers 11/10/08 D papers filed 11/13/08 D papers served at home
Sophie and Trusting, The lack of sleeping is part of the crisis. Their conscience is working in overtime and their minds are racing constantly. It's like a child who has had entirely too much sugar within an hour.
I want to give you a link to a couple of threads that may be of intereste to you that I started many years ago. They might give you some insight as to what may be going on w/your spouses.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Sophie, You will also find other invaluable threads over on the MLC Resources thread. Many, many people had and still continue to have a lot of helpful information that needs to be brought to the attention of posters when they are questioning behaviors of their spouses.
When you have a moment, take some time to visit that thread. I think you'll find many of the answers to your questions there.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Sophie and Trusting, The lack of sleeping is part of the crisis. Their conscience is working in overtime and their minds are racing constantly. It's like a child who has had entirely too much sugar within an hour.
I want to give you a link to a couple of threads that may be of intereste to you that I started many years ago. They might give you some insight as to what may be going on w/your spouses.
Now I'm wondering with MLC...does there have to BE a real Rock Bottom...Must there be a crisis to end the crisis?
And...can the MLCer, during his 'hermit' time work through his 'Rock Bottom' without us ever really knowing?
Can/does the MLCer emerge from the fog in a welcoming/cheerful manner? Or is the remorse, like we hear about in the late night phone calls, the true indicator?
Sophie
~~ Me-50 H-38 Married 15 years 8/7/08 D8 S10 S13 H affair 11/04-7/04 maybe longer H moved out 4/06
7/30/08- present: Reconnecting w/kids,friendly 10/30/08 H signed D papers 11/10/08 D papers filed 11/13/08 D papers served at home
