Well, the other one locked up in time for me to take off to Tahoe for a long weekend. Don't know whether or not I'll be checking, but I hope all my "friends" have good weekends and stay strong!
Me: 42/H: 37 T: 10 years/M: 8 D9, S8 Bomb: 7.23.07 Separated: 1.20.08 D Final 3.19.09 Affair started in '05, found out parts in 11/07. They married 11.26.09
Me: 54 Her: 50 and sexy as hell M: 32yrs T: 34yrs Bomb: Sept 26-07 "lost our emotional connection" Bomb 2: Dec 25-07 she's "not feeling desire" She asked if she could come home Apr 26-08! Everything's GREAT!
The trip is going great! The kids and I are really enjoying ourselves. H is in San Diego visiting a player friend (I really like this friend, but he's a player) and lost his phone last night. Got drunk, got separated from said friend, his cell phone fell in a bush and he couldn't find it and it took him two hours to find friend's condo. hehehe
If this is the life he wants, it's all his.
I spoke very briefly with him, haven't interrupted the kids each time that he calls and didn't talk to him just now when the kids called him.
I'm dark. Super dark.
bye bye, will check in Tues or Weds.
Me: 42/H: 37 T: 10 years/M: 8 D9, S8 Bomb: 7.23.07 Separated: 1.20.08 D Final 3.19.09 Affair started in '05, found out parts in 11/07. They married 11.26.09
Sometimes I feel really strong, and then other times I feel like I'm floating alone in the middle of an ocean.
I had a very enjoyable and interesting weekend. My friend's husband moved out last June 1 and just moved back in, slowly, over the past month or so. They are in what we would call piecing. She doesn't know the DB theory but is a living example of it and of it working. The things that come out of her mouth are like the best DBers advice. Her husband was up there half the time and we all talked lightly about my situation. What I thought was interesting was one evening she was poking the tiger, Her: "You've only been up here twice this year, whose fault is that?!" Him: "Mine dear. Sigh." But then it all diffused. Later that night she told me that the old her would have kept it up, would have done things much different and she pointed out a few instances that I had silently noticed. She talked about needing to stop doing what doesn't work.
Anyway, I could write a book on her situation and her advice to me but I'll boil it down to the interesting parts. She said that I have to have patience, that he needs his space. Yet that doesn't mean that I should be all cushy and accommodating and pointed out a few things that she thought I was doing that was counter-productive. She is probably right about those things. She knows that I'm all ready to file papers July 14 for a legal separation and doesn't know where she sits on that. Her situation was a lot more open-ended as her H was living at his uber-wealthy sister's guest house without a lease. Our lease ends July 31 and I think that's going to be d-day.
As for H and me, today I cried yet again and felt horrible. H came to get the kids for dinner and I got the really wide, awkward kiss on the cheek. First time in a long time no kiss. I mentioned it lightly, "So kiss on the cheek is where we're at now? Should we do it ever so lightly as to avoid touching?" and we both together did an exaggerated drama move. I just told him I was fine with whatever, but personally wanted to avoid the awkward moments we had earlier. It really, really hurt. I acted PMA as much as possible.
Was outside when H went to drop off the kids. He stayed and played ball with S5 for a while and we lightly talked. I was very non-engaging and busied myself with gardening duties as to not be completely rude with ignoring him but not running away from him either. D7 asked for a "family hug" and H hugged me tight. Me, not so much. Then when they went to leave, H hugged me, did the sideways cheek thing but kissed me squarely (and loudly) on the cheek.
I noticed me pulling away means him stepping towards me. I purposefully didn't really talk about my weekend, just glanced over a few things he already knew about. H went on and on about his weekend, our mutual friend and his Friday night when he lost his phone. He told me the whole drunk story and when he finished I said, "So would it be safe to say you've hit bottom?" and he said, "Rock bottom." It wasn't a reference to his drinking and I think he got that.
Now we'll see how this reality plays out. Half of the reason I'm doing it is to play games to get my H to want to come back. The other half of it is to get me to deal with what the probable reality will be: me divorced.
I'm tired and must sleep. All in all a good trip. Bad life right now, good trip.
Me: 42/H: 37 T: 10 years/M: 8 D9, S8 Bomb: 7.23.07 Separated: 1.20.08 D Final 3.19.09 Affair started in '05, found out parts in 11/07. They married 11.26.09
