T - I do have two threads, I don't really know how to work this site so posted 2 originally and now I'm just confused! :-)
Bit scared about tonight but not panicking at the moment. H still hasn't texted back and said when and where! Why bother asking to meet if you don't then arrange it!!!!!!Most annoying but I will let it go, it's exactly what he used to do when we first split. I handle it much better now anyway.
Incidentally I notice it is Wednesday, the day he allocated for me last year for our weekly meetings - maybe he can only cope with a Wednesday! If it gets to 5 o'clock I'll just go home. Not quite sure if I'm going to get any work done today... but will try and distract myself.
I hope things go well this afternoon. Sometimes I think they just like to control things......ughhh it can be very frustrating!
I am glad you are handling it better, just shows you how much you have grown through all of this....it can only benefit you.
I'm like you....I am useless at work when my home life isn't right. When it is right I can be very good, so I guess ini the longrun it will balance out.
TwinDad Me 39, W 36, M 11 W - MLC, WAW???? 2 Kids B/G 3 YRS Old Start of the Long and Bumpy Road..... On the verge of piecing.....a new beginning
I think the only thing that has saved me is focusing on work!
I think part of the making plans and backing out is fear. It is fear of facing their mistake. A lot of times, our WAS's know they screwed up, and instead of just biting the bullet and saying they are sorry and messed up, they try to convince themselves that they are doing the right thing.
What is up with that???!!!???
I will tell you that I used by panic every time I knew my H was coming over, but I don't so much anymore. I figure that by relaxing it eases the stress off of both people.
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
Ahhh, I'm off now. We're going for a meal in China town... getting a meeting point has been like pulling teeth this afternoon.
Feeling in control and apparently outwardly calm, inwardly a bit mushy though. Could do with a strong drink though, even if it is only 4pm in the afternoon!
Good luck....we will be thinking of you. As far as the drink goes, just remember....it is 5 oclock somewhere....or at least that is what Jimmy Buffet says
TwinDad Me 39, W 36, M 11 W - MLC, WAW???? 2 Kids B/G 3 YRS Old Start of the Long and Bumpy Road..... On the verge of piecing.....a new beginning
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
I read your post and it sounded very similar to my situation. I am 27 and was married only 2 1/2 years. My husband was a bit older (34) and got a new job, his job consumed his life and he developed an emotional affair with a co worker. We have only been separated for 2 months but the marriage was bad for awhile while I was still in the house. I always had suspisions about this co worker but never confirmed. I recently took his daughter to the movies and she told me "daddy is with andrea right now." I confronted him and he denied it, but I don't believe him and to be honest I don't think you should either. Don't try and convince yourself he is telling the truth. Go with your gut and what you truly believe because that's the only thing that won't lie to you. The is a devastating situation, I know, I am living it. I am truly hurt and feel helpless. I feel like I am crying all the time and nothing really motivates me. I think to be honest, the best thing is no contact. I tried it for a bit and it was working and then I thought I was well enough to take his daughter to the movies. Well I got the shock of my life when she said that and it has set me back. All the pain and hurt came rushing back in just a few words and now I am back to where I started. Don't let that be you, get on with your life and as hard as it is move ahead. At least we are still in our twenties, we have lots of living left and this won't be our last heartbreak.
Ok, my head is spinning a bit but here is what happened.
I was half an hour late which is very unusual for me (I had a meeting) but I texted him to let him know I would be late. He was waiting at Leicester Square reading the paper. Luckily I saw him first so was able to gather myself. I greeted him chirpily and apologised for being late. He greeted me nicely and said he was sorry he had double booked himself; he had to go and meet his Dad at 8pm. I said no problem and we started walking to the restaurant. There was a film premiere happening so we had a quick look at that to see who it was and saw it was a Will Smith film so we chatted about films that we'd seen and he asked me if I'd seen Sex and the City and he said that he'd gone with his sister. We chatted easily about our favourite TV programme and then got to the restaurant. They sat us on a weird table in the middle of the restaurant so I asked for us to be moved and we moved to a better table and he agreed that it was better. He asked about the cat and I told him some stories about her.
We chatted about work and I said how well I was doing, expressed some annoyance with my Trustees to show some empathy because I knew that when he talked he would moan about his co-workers which he did. He seems to really not like it there but at the same time can’t seem to leave and is now quite into earning lots of money which he was never about before. Our relationship happiness always came first and his own personal development and happiness came above money - it is the opposite now. I empathised and validated how annoying it must be that he was having to put up with it all.
I asked him if he'd been doing anything else apart from work and mentioned that I was learning the violin and doing an art class and we laughed over me starting again on an instrument and how I would be able to duet with my 9 year old nephew who is learning the cello. He asked if I was any good and I said that although I had only had two lessons I was very good (blatantly not but might as well make myself look as good as possible). I said that I had also started an art class and I had done a cool digital picture of my cat, would he like a copy? He said he would and looked pleased with that. He said how much he's enjoyed playing again at a gig he did this weekend - he seemed more animated when we talked about music. We also had a really good laugh about a bbq tool belt he’d bought for his dad for fathers day – genuine can’t stop laughter - and I noticed he looked interested/ enquiringly at me afterwards.
We kind of ran out of things to say at that point so I said 'you wanted to talk about the house?’ He said yes it was something that had been on his mind. He said his feelings were that his parents, although they hadn't said anything, were wanting him out of the flat and he couldn't afford anywhere while he was still paying for the house. He said he wondered if I had any thoughts. I left a pause and said that I felt that 5/6 weeks for me was a relatively short time and that at the moment I was concentrating on rebuilding my life and wasn't sure I was ready to think about the house. However I understood his concerns about his parents and would think over what he had said..
*In my head I am screaming - you live in a gorgeous central London flat and your parents are never there, just because on the odd phone call and visit you get 'vibes' you want to experience no discomfort so I am expected to up sticks for your benefit. What about my pain, anguish and heartache - he will never know what he has put me through.*
I asked him if there was anything else he was concerned about and he said no, was there anything I wanted to talk about so I brought up my concerns about the joint bank account. I had put in an extra £200 to cover our phones bills that month (his phone bill in reality) but there still wouldn’t be enough in there. As I had put in an extra £200 would he consider doing so? He said he would. We chatted a bit more. I complemented his shirt and his shoes which were clearly new and he seemed very pleased with that. Note here that the shoes were horrible and the shirt was too, brown shoes with a grey suit, um no!! Anyway we went halves on the bill and I made the first gesture to go. We walked back through China Town and I chatted about my holiday to Singapore. He walked me to the tube and said 'so you'll let me know when you've thought about it' and I said that I would – not sure I said the right thing here as I was caught unawares. He looked kind of awkward like he wasn't sure if he should make some gesture towards me so I gave his arm a quick squeeze and said goodbye, walked down to the tube and didn't look back.
I feel strange - numb. He has got really really fat and I don't find him physically attractive at the moment. He also annoys me with everything he does and says, he looks pathetic. Why on earth is he doing this? It's like he wants to remove anything good from his life. His spots have cleared up but he is exhausted, he was stifling yawns a bit. I, on the other hand, looked good without meaning to sound bigheaded. Subtle but sexy, casual but with enough 'out there' to let him know what he was missing ;-) I sounded interesting and I was lively. We both talked equally and I didn't overpower him. I listened when he talked and he listened when I spoke.
I don't know what happens next really. Sorry that was a bit long and rambly! I’m feeling a bit guilty that I’m not crying or missing him or more upset. The truth is that I don’t really like him and don’t have an awful lot to say to him at the moment. Is that really bad?
Oh, also I asked him if he got the picture of the cat I sent him and he said yes and gave a really nice smile that he gives when he thinks of the cat - kind of a lovey dovey smile. And I said I hoped he didn't mind me sending it I had sent it by accident and he said he didn;t mind at all, he really enjoyed receiving. Probably insignificant but hey...
I don't think its bad. You did a great job! And it is okay that you are not crying or missing him. You feel what you feel, and no one can change that.
I think it is amusing, as I have stated before, than when these people walk out, they end up looking and feeling like shiznit. My H is the same way, put on a lot of weight, is constantly tired, says he doesn't sleep. I keep trying to tell him its because we are both miserable, but they don't want to see it. The good thing is that being happy and content with your life is a positive step, regardless of the outcome of your M.
(((Julia))) you are doing fabulous!!!
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
