Now you just need a Harley!!! Heck, I'll probably run into you at the Sagebrush Cantina in Calabasas. You'll have tattoos all over your arms and some young chick on the back! Hee hee!!!!
Too funny. Yes, go with that MLC!!! It helps with detachment and drives the WAS crazy. Also, it's kind of fun. I used to joke that it was like being 16 again, but with the added benefit of a VISA, and being able to go drink. Sheesh!!! After being the "upstanding soccer mom" who only took a drink once a year, and had never even been in a bar (except a fancy resturant bar) in her life.... boy did I do a 180!!!
As me and my girlfriends sometimes say, although it was a painful and horrible time (I found other moms through work, and past friends, who were in the midst of divorce), in some ways it was the best summer of our lives. We had enormous freedom and fun. We took what we all felt was one of the most painful events in our lives, supported each other, had fun together (flirting and scoping out the guys!!!) and ultimately found strength and peace.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
Running - I was thinking to have a tattoo done, maybe a lion or a Tire (Goodyear - 2008) - than.... I don't know.... The Harley is cool but I don't have the cash in this moment.... maybe a scooter? a Vespa? Anyway.... I feel good with myself, but I am terribly lonely. I have no friends here in norCal and I have no idea how to start to build some new relations. I am checking out the meetup.com website, hopefully I'll find something there.
Even if you are making friends and having fun there will still be sadness. It's a roller coaster. Even your wife is riding the ups and downs. It's very hard...
Try meeting people at various places. Go to church, divorce care groups, and even though I don't want you to become an alcoholic, find some neighborhood night clubs or bars and go there. Before I found single friends I'd sometimes go to the Elephant Bar. I'd sit in the bar, order a chocolate martini, and one of their awesome side salads and I'd bring my journal with me and write. Sometimes I'd talk with people. It's kind of nice because there's no expectations and sometimes you reallyhave some interesting conversations. One night I met a group of people and followed them (In my own car, and I drove alone!!! Limited myself to one drink since I'm a light-weight and I parked in well-lit, safe places...), to some other bars. It was a lot of fun and I got to learn about different places around town. Anyhow, all I'm saying is just make sure you get out and be a little open to adventure. You'll still be lonely and have those ups and downs, but you'll have interesting times too...
Hummmmm... that actually sounds good. Maybe I'll go to Elepahnt Bar tonight for salad and one of those chocolate martinis!
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
ROP - sorry I checked out for awhile - wasn't there for you and some of the others. I needed to check out, get away and detach - sounds like you are doing the same thing. AGot your text, I will be out of town next week, but maybe the week after!
Want to connect again though! CBK
M=46 W=47 M=24 (together 26) D21, S19 Bomb 3/16/08 OM 3/28/08 WAW moved out 5/16 Divorce final 10/09
Hey CBK, I am very glad to see you back. I am with you my friend, we are living something so intense that without some time off we would be ready for the madhouse. Take your time, recharge.
Journaling a bit.... so the famous W birthday that she was so swearing she was going to spend with the girlfriends (not that I asked anything) she actually spent it with OM (dah!). I don't know why she lied about it. So she showed up with this AWFUL new necklace, something I know she hates, obviously a present from OM, I saw it and she kind of smirked, I just cracked up laughing... "he got you THAT?" She changed all the colors of the face, I could guess she was "uncomfortable"... embarrassed by his lack of taste. It was good because I managed not sound jealous and look "sincerely" amused. I spent the Saturday night at a party, I had lot of fun, and met very nice people. A girl, payed a lot of attention to me, and that was very good for my self esteem, she was nice and funny, and I went along with it. After a while she asked me to leave the party with her and go to eat something.... didn't feel like and I kinda felt rude... but hey.. I just wanted more to be around people. I went to sleep at 4:00 AM, like I didn't do it for years (10?) Woke up at 8:00 AM with a HUGE headache. Four espresso later I am kind of fine. BTW - W called me while I was at the party - I didn't answer - she didn't leave any message.... perfect
It sounds perfect!!! You were emotionally detached with W. Could even see the humor of OM giving her some ugly necklace and then you had a fun time at a party, connected with people (got away from lonliness for awhile!) and then went home afterwards with no akward connections (not hooking up with the girl was wise! You don't need that at this time). Absolutely perfect!!!
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
Hi lwb and running. I agree, it came out well and it was a point on my side..... but... I feel I am still losing at this game. Running, you are right to the point - it is the sadness - it comes and go - but it is there in the bottom of my heart. I have this feeling I never had in my life, where I feel I will never fall in love again, I don't really want to be with anybody, yes I would put an effort to try with W but I don't know if I could patch the wounds. This also gives me sadness. I hope I am going in the future to be able to love somebody again.
Love will come again. Not now and maybe not soon, but eventually when you are ready you will find it. You just need to concentrate on you and your kids for now. They need you most (and they will need you even more in the next year or so... they will need your undivided attention and love). Love yourself.
Girlfriends, even wives, may come and go, but your children will be your kids the rest of your life.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
I have this feeling I never had in my life, where I feel I will never fall in love again, I don't really want to be with anybody, yes I would put an effort to try with W but I don't know if I could patch the wounds. This also gives me sadness. I hope I am going in the future to be able to love somebody again.
rop- I truly think that most of us go through this exact feeling. I'm not one that's really in a spot to put myself out there soon either, but I feel better about the possibilities of new love in the future than I did before. Talking to OW's H, he said the same thing.....who wants a 45 yr. old man with 4 kids. I told him that someone will see a loving, caring man, not just a man with kids. It's out there for all of us.
SueS
ME: 42, H: 42, D6 Together: 18 yrs. Married: 15 yrs. Attended Retrouvaille - December 2009 Status: Working on it day by day
