Wow - I am enjoying this vacation! So needed. Yesterday night I went to eat with some old friends - it was wonderful, they so took care of me, I felt truly loved, people that I didn't see for so many years, we had a lot of fun, laughed a lot, remembered the old times.... like family. My first wife is in town!!! I didn't talk to her for 10 years, since she too walked away. She eventually got married (not with the guy she walked away with) she is happy and she has 2 kids.... my friends told me all this. - This morning I woke up and I saw she sent me an email, I guess she learned I am here, it was a shock..... one line.... "if you want to talk about it I am here". My W has always been very jealous of my ex, when she knew I was coming here in vacation she asked me right away "are you going to see your ex???". I thought it was the most absurd question. Now I feel so guilty to have received this email, I didn't answer, I don't know what to answer. If I ignore it I feel I am too rude to a person that after 10 years is putting a lot aside and wants to be nice, if I answer I feel I am doing something wrong against my W.... I am a bit confused.....
The rollercoaster - here it is, at super speed. Today started very well, I am having very good time here. In the evening I went to see some other good friends, it wasn't the party I had yesterday but still very good. Then I strolled a bit downtown, it was nice, until..... bam! without realizing it I am in front of the hotel where we spent our wedding night, magnificent and romantic. Memories start flooding my brain, I want to call W and tell her where I am. I feel romantic, I want to go inside a buy something with the hotel name engraved. I have the cell phone in my hand ready to digit my W number. I start talking to myself... I know I will be disappointed if I call, I am not going to have what I hope for and I would start to feel desperate again. I keep walking.... ouch.... THE PUB!! The pub where we went on our first date.... OUR pub, after several years the pub is still there, still the same. This is very painful. I think of taking a picture of me in front of the pub with the cell and send it to her.... I so would like to share this moments with her.... but I know I can't. I put again my cell phone back. We lived in this town for few years, we got married here, so many memories that suddenly hit me. I still enjoy the place and the people, I am happy I am here but it is painful. Damn roller coaster, damn divorce, damn everything. I am back in the house, here is neutral territory....
One of the things I understood - when W feels a bit insecure, or lonely, it doesn't mean she wants to come back, so I shouldn't expect anything about it. I cannot have all my hopes pumped up just to have them crashed in a moment. This feeds the rollercoaster - no good. The situation it is like it is until PROVEN differently - so I need to act accordingly. It is very tough but is no use to hide behind a finger.
I feel very wired to contact my ex - not that there is anything - it is just that after so many years... - yes I thought she could give me some insight but I have to say I am also a bit afraid of what she can say about me - I also know she hates my W (or at least she used to)- they hated each other even before I came into the picture, both girls were good looking in a small community, they were like two cats.... this was the biggest blow after she left me - I married her archenemy.... I am sure my ex is a bit pleased of all this happening - I don't know, maybe things changed.... I need to think a bit longer about it. I know W would go nuts, this is why she keeps asking about my ex.... but it is not about me.
I would let your wife (Albeit wayward) know that the Ex made contact. She how she reacts. If still wants to be wayward then go ahead and call the ex-wife as see what she wants.
aaaaaaaaHHHHHHHsaaaaaaaHHHHHHaaaaa back home - sigh - went to see the kids in the morning, W.... AGAIN... asked me to keep the kids Saturday night.... for the WHOLE night..... this is something that really puts my guts upside down. I said NO! - she asked why, why, why - she started to say that I spend all the nights as I please ecc. ecc. same old same old - she was ready to fight - I was not. I am disgusted - really - disgusted - I gave in - I said ok, she does what she pleases anyway - I'll keep the kids - but what you are doing is WRONG, you are THE responsible for destroying this family.... she said "thank you".... with all the sweet voice, I cannot believe that - it reveals her total falsity - AAAAHHHH - I answerd whatever.
I'll enjoy the weekend with my kids - and I hope the dude SNORES like hell.
No,no,no. Can't believe you agreed. Don't be an enabler. I would tell her that you have done some soul searching and just can't do it. Did you talk to your ex. I am sure she would give you plenty of insight. Maybe you could do a weeknight with the kids? kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
