Okay I am doing dumb things now. So after all that is going on I got side tracked, lost my good judgement or hope...I don't know. So I met a woman that I have not met in person. We have talked on the phone 2 times & sent a few text messages nothing that could be misunderstood or sexual at all. I am not looking for sex, or a girlfriend really just wanted to talk to a woman that would listen to me and not judge me. Which is how I feel most of the time with my W. So last night I was hanging up with this woman and my W "caught" me. She asked me if I had met someone and I said no since this was not a "someone" I plan on dating or anything like that. I took it further and lied when she asked me if my call was with a male or female. (said male) I don't really know why I lied, it is just what I have done in the past when I feel like I am cornered or she is coming down on me. So instead of doing more of the same, I decided to tell the truth within a couple of minutes. Lie had already been said, but anyway she got really upset because to her this is what I do. I lie and get caught. Nevermind she has been sleeping with a guy since a week or less after we Sep. Has dubed him her 2nd husband to her friends & family. I know 2 wrongs don't make a right but I feel like she took it way too far. After all this she said she thought we need to file for D now. I said I disagree and will not be apart of that now. I guess the good thing is that she was upset about all of this. If she were truly done then she would be happy about all of this and see it as me moving on. I am not moving on nor do I plan to at this point I have been fighting for or R for a long time. Anyone who reads this please send me any feedback was I out of line? I am wanting our M to succeed & get back on track, but my W thinks there is no chance we will ever fix us or get back to a place of happiness. I still think it is possible and want that more than anything. I want my R to be a happy healthy one that our kids will grow up seeing what a good R looks like. I read step #6 of Divorce Remedy last night and the question: "what could I do that would make it more likely that she is going to want to make those change?" My answer was simply be honest. Be honest with myself & everything I do especially everything that has to do with my W. I was so mad at myself for lying in the first place last night. I did not need to lie, but it just came out. I was scared that the truth would be worse than the lie. So I got to witness both. Her being upset about the truth & about the lie. So moral of the story truth would be easier. I have to go to work now and just wanted to write this while fresh in my head. Thanks for reading & again, any feedback appreciated.
ME 33 W 37 Together 8 M: 5+ disconnected: 5 D: 2 D: 3
You both agreed to allow each other to see other people while you were separated. Why is this a problem?
I've continually suggested to you that you sit down with your wife and tell her you've changed your mind, that you are emphatically NOT okay with her dating other people while she is still married to you. You've basically said that you're afraid to. Until you get the courage to do that, you're going to face a series of these situations, I'm afraid.
You both agreed to allow each other to see other people while you were separated. Why is this a problem?
Puppy
Because I think the truth is WAS wants to see other people and have the LBS not have a life and see other people! My H is currently mad b/c I went out with a friend yesterday which is kind of funny since he's had a girlfriend he's been sleeping with for the last 6 months!
I agree with Puppy about sitting down with her. It doesn't sound like you have that much to lose; I mean are you truly happy now? Karen
The bigger issue was my dishonesty. Not so much that I spoke to a female. I have left out info, I have not told the truth on occasion and always get caught doing so. I only seem to do it when I feel trapped. I hate that I do that. I don't think that is really who I am. I agree w/Karen43 she does not want me to have a life right now. She kept throwing in my face "I thought you were supposed to be working on you right now" which I am. I do need to have a sit down with her and not sure when that will happen. At the moment she wants nothing to do with me and thinks I am full of it. Hopefully when the dust settles and we can talk I can tell her where I am and what I want. She really thinks I want out of this R & to be away from her. My guess is she is saying those things to make it easiser for herself. I don't have anything to lose at this point. And I am not truly happy. I am happier with myself but not with my life with W. Thanks both of you!
ME 33 W 37 Together 8 M: 5+ disconnected: 5 D: 2 D: 3
I don't have anything to lose at this point. And I am not truly happy.
If that's the case, then why not make a stand?
"Hopefully" . . . "when the dust settles" . . . these are the words of passive dreamers. I suggest you put together a Plan, and then WORK that plan, DMP. And the first step of that Plan should be to sit down with your wife and tell her you've changed your mind about her dating other people, and that you want to fight for your marriage.
I'll leave you alone now. I am truly sorry for your pain.
I don't have anything to lose at this point. And I am not truly happy.
If that's the case, then why not make a stand?
"Hopefully" . . . "when the dust settles" . . . these are the words of passive dreamers. I suggest you put together a Plan, and then WORK that plan, DMP. And the first step of that Plan should be to sit down with your wife and tell her you've changed your mind about her dating other people, and that you want to fight for your marriage.
I'll leave you alone now. I am truly sorry for your pain.
I don't have anything to lose at this point. And I am not truly happy.
If that's the case, then why not make a stand?
"Hopefully" . . . "when the dust settles" . . . these are the words of passive dreamers. I suggest you put together a Plan, and then WORK that plan, DMP. And the first step of that Plan should be to sit down with your wife and tell her you've changed your mind about her dating other people, and that you want to fight for your marriage.
I'll leave you alone now. I am truly sorry for your pain.
PDT I think you are right about passive dreamers. I do need a plan & do need to work it. I just know how "DONE" she is with us and working on it. So right now I think whatever I say is wasted breath. I need to show her in my actions and attitude what I am made of. She thinks I'm a wuss & have no opinions. She refuses to see any good I do right now. So I have been doing some 180s that have shown some improvement, but currently with this most recent fight/thing we took some huge steps backwards. What I would normally do is sit down & try to talk to her about such things, but without success. That's why I am reluctant to have that talk right now. She is an atty by the way & I can't keep up in an argument. My dad suggested I write her a letter that tells her what I want etc. I am reluctant to do that too right now. That is why actions will do more I think. If I tell her I changed my mind I think it will push her further away sort of like if I try to pursue her at this point. I think I need to focus on me getting a life & working my butt off cuz this damn economy is making my sales job harder lately. So I appreciate your advice & your feelings on this. I still do not think having that talk about my mind changing will do anything positive at all. Not yet anyway. I hope this does not sound like a refusal to what you suggest. It's more like a postponement. Thank you!
ME 33 W 37 Together 8 M: 5+ disconnected: 5 D: 2 D: 3
It's entirely up to you. My advice is freely given, and I don't get angry if you don't take it. FRUSTRATED, perhaps, because you don't seem happy, but everyone on here has to do what they feel is right in your situation.
