18th Anniversary

[limbo]

Well today is my 18th wedding anniversary, and to be honest I never thought that I would make it here!
It has been a hard couple of years, and many times I thought that I wouldn't make it to the next anniversary!
I can't say what the future will hold! If only we could!!!

There are still days I struggle, still days I want to say its all over, but there are becoming less, the memories come less frequently, and that is good.
The drive to snoop has lessened, although there are still times, I do, and for the most part there is nothing, however recently I have discovered my H has signed up for another email account, although I don't know why, and to be honest don't know how to handle it!
But for the most part we are ok, h tells me he loves me and wants to be with only me, and I believe him, because for him to say and behave how he is, and then seek someone else out would be to twisted for words, and I don't believe that he can be that twisted!
So we are moving on, and settling in to a new marriage, and aside from a couple of issue's its good.
So to all who are in peicing or still struggling there can be hope, and the pain and the work can be worth it.
It is also worth it even if it doesn't work, because we are changing who we are, and we are changing for the better!

[DiDi]

Happy (belated) Anniversary.

No one knows what the future will hold, do they?
Best wishes for even better years to come.

[saffie]

Limbo,

It's lovely to hear from you. Look forward to all those future anniversaries you will have together.

[limbo]

Thank you both for the good wishes.

It has not been an easy time, and there are still hard times, but it is getting easier.

So thanks

[limbo]

It has been sometime since I posted, I am still around and reading, but I don't post to others much, and I feel bad for that as I received so much help and support when I was going through the worst of it!
Sometimes I feel I am not one to be supporting others, I still struggle with my feelings, and somedays still find it so hard not to say I want out!
I have found a C that I like and will be going to my 2nd session today...so I am hoping that it will help.
I find myself very withdrawn from my H, although he is trying so hard, and being wonderful...I am not sure what is stopping me in reconnecting with him.
The other night my D16 finally let out some anger she has been harbouring towards both of us, and told us alittle about how she had felt when we were in the worst of it, I had said to her to talk to me anytime, but she didn't feel she could, and to be honest it was very eye opening, and humbling...I hope it drove it home some more to H the damage he caused by his actions, and will stop him from straying again!

I is such a long process to recover from this, and I know in the end it will be worth it!

[tmi]

Happy anniversary, l - sounds like your ride and mine have been similar. As we've just had our 17th anniversary (pretty much ignored), it's good to know that there is some hope for making it another year.

Have you asked your H about the new email account?

Will we ever really trust them again? (a question that could certainly block reconnection) If you and your C can make some progress towards figuring that out, I'd love to hear about it.

[limbo]

Imt that is a good question...and one I have been trying to figure out for a long time.
How can we truly trust them again, and to give him that trust, when he has the potenial to blow everything up on a whim.
I know this is a big issue to work through...I haven't asked him about the other account, best to let sleeping dogs lie for right now, and see what happens

[saffie]

I find myself very withdrawn from my H, although he is trying so hard, and being wonderful...I am not sure what is stopping me in reconnecting with him.

I hear you so loud and clear lady. I went to see a female GP about this just last week. I chose her because her husband is my usual GP and I knew that he had cheated on her - several times. She told me not to expect to feel normal again for years. I went expecting to get put back on AD's and came away with a flea in my ear instead - and also much food for thought.

Anniversaries and other 'meaningful' events I find the hardest to cope with. You are not alone.

I get into a real low period and then find I will sort of snap out of it and think 'well what was the point in staying if I am going to be miserable?' It gets better for a while and then cycles down again....but gradually the depth and length of the bad bits of the cycle gets less. It takes time for all that hurt at the betrayal to come out. It takes time to rebuild trust - it has to be earned. When you are in the midst of the crisis you put so much of your energy into surviving the crisis that you don't get time to process all of the feelings, you don't get to grieve for all that lost innocence and purity and eclusivity in your M/R. You are doing that now....as you gradually heal at the same time - IMHO.

What sort of C are you seeing?

[limbo]

Thanks Saffie!

The counsellor is solutions based, and I liked her, she seems to get whats going on with me, and wants to help.
I find that I cycle too! I think I am getting better, moving on and then bang back down I go! And this is what drove me back to counselling....and here! And it so helps to see I am not alone.
Sometimes I think gees this has been going on long enough, so why aren't I over it! And it helps to see that I am not alone in this!

[saffie]

You sure aren't. And I honestly, truly, think it will take me years.........piecing is for life....not for just immediately after the A/betrayal.

I am sure when we get through this though we will be so much stronger..........doesn't make me wish it had never happened.........bit there will be pluses!!!!!