I completely relate! My husband's job totally changed him as well. Once he became a cop, he treated me like a suspect. He became very mean, and cruel to me. It was like he had such superiority at work, that had to come with that as well. So, I know when you say you don't want this man back, but you want to carefree man you fell in love with. Me too. I just don't know how to get that man to come back...if it's possible.
Me 36 Husband 35 D5 S2 separated: 10/29/07-present Served divorce papers 1/22/09 "When the world gives out beneath your feet, it is time to learn how to fly."
I saw him at the school last night, he was pleasant and friendly but yet still arrogant as usual. He was dresed in all new clothes which made me wonder if he is trying to buy material things to make himself feel better. He made a few inside jokes with me too, which I found odd. I am so confused with his bahaviour. I have no plans to contact him but every time I see him its hard because I can never tell what he is really thinking. Are the inside jokes and friendliness a positive sign or is it him just being nice. I can't read the hidden meaning at all.
ms ladybug I think thats why I am here, I need to figure that out. How do we get that man back or is the man he is now the real man. I am just so lost as to where I go from here.
I wish I could offer some direction. My therapist told me, "I'm sorry you didn't SEE this in him before you got married." I said, "no. Really he wasn't like this." He said again, "I'm sorry you didn't SEE this. But, this is an ingrain characteristic. He can hide it for a awhile, and make intelligent, concious choices to change it for a WHILE. But, it's in his character." I asked, "how do people change their character?" He said, "ongoing, intense psychotherapy."
I just don't see that it's coincidental to the job change. But maybe so.
Me 36 Husband 35 D5 S2 separated: 10/29/07-present Served divorce papers 1/22/09 "When the world gives out beneath your feet, it is time to learn how to fly."
You know I have to say. I might agree with the therapist. My H has done the same thing to women in past relationships. He used to live with a girl and desided one day he was going to move to another country, packed his stuff and left and never spoke to her again. So I think this is in him, however I did not see it, the man I married was wonderful, but I don't think that was who he is. I don't think he will ever have a successful relationship unless he can recognize that in himself.
I feel like I am ready to give up. On friday I text him to ask him to put the mail in the mailbox so that I could pick it up on my way home. Well I didn't hear back all weekend so today I had to email him and say I text you and didn't hear back, can you please put the mail in the mailbax. He responded and said he got my text but was in to much of a rush to respond. So he's telling me that he was too busy all weekend to even just text me back and say its in there or at least apologize for not getting back to me. I don't get it, is he that self absorbed that he isn't considerate of other people. It irritated me so much, that he could be so inconsiderate. I have always known he is selfish but little things like this really show me who he is and I just don't want to be with someone like that. I want to be with the person he used to be, the one that actually cared about my needs and happiness.
Okay so right as I am about to give up. I ask him if I can take my stepdaughter to a movie on the weekend. He emails me back and says yes and asks if he can come too. I said no but maybe another time. He emails back and says please. I say no again. Should I let him come or make him worker a little harder especially after what he has put me through
The decision has to be up to you. My mantra is to follow what your inner voice is telling you. It rarely stears you wrong. If it tells you to tell him no, then tell him no. He has put you through alot, and you may need time to regroup. But if it tells you yes, then by all means, go for it.
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
Well my heart wants him there, but I think it would be too hard for me to have him there and then say our goodbyes at the end. I just find the whole situation frustrating, if he doesn't want to be with me then why ask to come, why not just let me take the kids alone. I feel very confused and like I am getting mixed messages.
