okay..now I'm confused

[picasso]

I've been doing it by the book (literally). No conversations or phone calls that are not about our son, etc.

This past Sunday, she calls and says she would be over soon to pick up our son. I said okay.

While she was at my house, she acted angry/upset or something. I finally asked her "Is there something wrong?" to which she replied "I wish you would stop asking me that."

So I let it go and focused on business at hand....I gave her our gov. stimulus check and told her "I'll get my half from you when I get back from work on Wednesday." Again, she acted angry at the notion that I actually expected half of the money.

I finally said "Look, I was going to ask you if the three of us (her, me, and our son) could have breakfast in the morning so he can at LEAST see that we are capable of being around each other and still keep HIM as the focus of our lives." She said she was okay with that.

We met, had breakfast, etc. The entire time, I dont think she said more than one full sentence to me, as I was trying to keep the conversation "light". NOTHING with R talk or anything like that...just how I had met a little boy with a terminal heart defect the day before at a party, and how it made me grateful that our son was well. She and I had quite a scare with him when he was born, so she just kind of looked at me and said "yeah, I know what you mean."

I'm just not too sure how to interpret her anger..or if it even IS anger.

All I DO know is that I am no longer acting the way I was before our marriage ended (see previous thread), I'm taking care of our son, I'm very involved with him, and I've been doing what I can within my own limitations to GAL.

All I can figure is that its been 9 months since she moved out, and she cannot help but see that I've changed...but that she has to keep herself artificially angry in order to go through with the D if she chooses. She has not yet filed, and I'm not really sure why....but lately, she seems even more withdrawn and angry or upset than usual.

ALSO, I have recently uncovered some emails left on an old desktop computer that I haven't turned on since she left....and I have at the very least, strong circumstantial evidence that she was seeing someone else. A guy doesn't call himself "Jody" in an email to your wife without a reason, if you know what I mean.

I'm sorta lost, and I'm not quite sure what to do next. I'm struggling with this "new" information, but I realize I have to put it out of my head for now...but I truly want to know if she's had an affair or slept with this guy because if she has, that's pretty much a deal-breaker for me.

[catfan]

My wife has started acting in a similar fashion. For the last year she'd be much more positive and not struggling with negative emotions when we were together. But lately it seems she's struggling with anger, bitterness, etc. The big difference is now I'm the one with a smile, I'm the one with the positive, friendly attitude when we are together. I've begun to move on and plan for life without her. On top of that, the financial burdens she's now under along with the work and life stress I think are weighing down on her. She had wanted to trim back our lifestyle and complained I wouldn't. I was more than willing and have done that now. She's still shopping at Nordstrom's has a big expensive new SUV, etc and I think she is realizing she's put herself exactly where she didn't want to be.

So my read on the situation is my wife is processing. She's seen the changes I have made. She knows they are for real and permanent. Now she sees I'm back to the man she married, the man she wanted me to be when we separated, the man I was desperately trying to get back to being. So what's she to do? I think that's the gist of the big question in her mind now. I suspect at this point her pride and underlying fear are keeping her from acting one way or another.

[LolaL]

Stubborness is a hard trait to get rid of...and I think it is hard for our spouses to admit they were wrong. Hang in there, you are doing great!!!

[picasso]

I'm trying...VERY hard to hang in there.

Some days it seems almost impossible to NOT talk to her, but I usually pull it off. Other days, I just cannot stand it anymore, and end up calling her to talk for a second before I ask to speak to our son or something.

I'm trying.....very, very hard. This is extremely difficult, but what other choice do I have really?

[picasso]

just today, I confirmed that she is indeed in contact with the same guy she was calling 10+ times a day for the few months right before she left.

She has claimed she left because of how I treated her and the way I acted (being undiagnosed as bipolar), but I cannot help but think that this guy has something to do with it. She has said multiple times that he is "just a friend at work", but I've never had "secret" friends from HER.

She has also sent pictures of herself and our son on vacation to him as well as one other guy at work who made rather "explicit" comments to her that I didn't exactly appreciate as her husband.

I cannot shake this "jody" comment....I know who "jody" is. For those that may not know, its commonly used in the oilfield or offshore profession to describe the person that comes to your house and sleeps with your wife while you are at work...as in "Jody's visiting your wife". For someone to call HIMSELF "jody", in an email to MY wife while talking about a "visit" the next day saying "I know we will have fun".....I dont know.

I just want the damned truth...and even though that conversation took place many months ago, it has been weighing on my mind VERY heavily lately, and I just can NOT seem to let it go.

The thought of some sleezy guy sleeping with my wife makes me want to puke.

Any advice would be MUCH appreciated at this point, as I am finding it VERY hard to not confront her a third time about this...as I STRONGLY feel there is more to this than she is telling me.

[picasso]

I kept my word and did not call the wife today, but I thought about her a million times.

Her cousin got married today to a girl he has been dating for 8 years or so. I pictured my wife all dressed up with her hair all nice and pretty, etc, dancing and having fun with her family. It was mental torture....I should be there with her, and her with me...the two of us dancing and having fun together like we used to.

The past few days have been very tough for me. I've been missing her terribly almost constantly. I tear up when I think about how much I'd give just to feel her in my arms again.

I love this girl so much.....and to have things turn out like this just doesn't seem right....

It is taking everything I have to back off and stay away from her for now....to give her the time and space she keeps saying she wants. I am starting to suspect there is someone else...and it is absolutely tearing my heart out.

[LolaL]

((((Pablo)))) as I dub thee...

You are doing fantastic. I find that when I want to call or text, it helps to call or text someone else. I have one friend that when I feel like texting (and, if you have read my post, my phone doesn't get a mind of its own) I just text or call that friend and say "I miss him". She talks me down.

I am not sure how, from the male perspective, men talk to each other. But if you have a friend or family member who is tireless, and you'll need one, call that person when you feel like picking up the phone. Or post here. We are tireless because we all understand exactly what you are going through.

If there is someone else, well, you just have to realize that this is something that is out of your control. I really try not to focus on what my H is doing, but what I am doing. It is not always easy, but the more you practice, the easier it gets.

You are doing great!!! Lola