My H said to me " I told you many times I needed more from you.. and you didnt listen.... I wasnt looking for anyone it just happened..." WTF? Affair.... I even dislike the word.... It leaves a path of destruction for the Family and the two involved are unaware and blissfully Fckued up. I am so over my H's affair. Even though it may not sound like it. He also was the one who when it got rocky ... the arms of a stranger will fix it. WTF? Once again,,,,,????????????? Nothing can be fixed from without ,, you need to fix it from within. Getting sex from a stranger I dare say will not fill the void left by someone who you loved and was unconscious they were hurting you.
I never honestly knew how ugly I made my H feel by my LD and lack of initiative for so long... and every time he strayed ... I shut down more. Easier to get a stranger to feed his Ego than to take a risk and find me again.... he even told me he never wanted to leave but the pain was far to great he couldnt take in any more. It is a viscious cycle .. H feels unwanted Wife feels unappreciated H tries to have sex to get closer and "feel" her Wife thinks how dare he want to "X" me when I feel like this H is trying to say ... I love YOU..., lets talk...., with his body... and she somehow never gets it.. and she is dying to hear him say I love you and I need you and he is but with his body...
That is how I lived it anyway.... I really try to remember when he wants to ML he is basically saying I love you and I need you and this makes me love you even more.
sg, thanks for posting this, you always have such great posts!
I don't know what part of this whole dastardly cycle I'm in, but I love my H, I want to save our marriage, I want to have a sex life again, I want it to be with him, I want him to want me.
I just went over to one of the businesses across the street from us, the owner there is a friend of mine, a guy with a fiancee, we've always been kinda flirty with each other and I think he is handsome and I consider myself lucky to have a friend like him, kind, supportive, interesting, fun to hang out with, blah, blah, blah. The other night I had a dream that he told me that his fiancee had broken up with him. I figured it was just my crazed psyche projecting what's going on in my own life. Pretty much no one around here knows anything about the sitch with H and I.
So I was being my normal flirty self and he says "yes and you're married", I said that he was getting married too, he told me that she did actually break up with him and move out. So maybe I am turning into a psychic?? New line of work for me, hehe!
So anyway all in the space of about 10 seconds I had a million thoughts go through my head, most of which would be rated R and not suitable for anyone under the age of 21. Part of me would love to go get a drink with him, chat about he said she said, and then have a few too many and "suddenly find themselves stark naked in hotel rooms having breathless, passionate sex as if there's no tomorrow."
Of course my head tells me that I just miss my H, that I just want him to touch me, to make me feel loved and desired, and I can only imagine the long list of repercussions that could/would stem from my doing anything with my newly single friend including destroying hte friendship that we have and both enjoy. I guess my heart is hurt and is being defensive and thinking oh, yeah, well I'll show him.
Not the right thing to do if I have any desire to save my M, of course the only thing I can think about is that I want to see H, get him to go out for dinner with me, have a good time, be friends, I think that would quench my silly "wants" as far as the man across the street goes.
I couldn't stand it anymore I did actually just email him and see if he wanted to have dinner, can't imagine that it will go well, the resounding no will hurt so much more than the wondering what he would have said and I'm sure it will make the meeting with the realtor tomorrow a little uncomfortable, I guess this is the first time I really feel like I backslid as far as the db'ing goes, not the first time I'm sure, but the first I am cognizantly aware of. Okay off to try to do osmethign productive, something other than chew my fingers off waiting to hear back from H about how he's going to turn me down about the offer for dinner.
My H said to me " I told you many times I needed more from you.. and you didnt listen.... I wasnt looking for
Getting sex from a stranger I dare say will not fill the void left by someone who you loved and was unconscious they were hurting you.
I never honestly knew how ugly I made my H feel by my LD and lack of initiative for so long...
Ali, SG is right ... you said it well. I heard the same thing from my H, it just happened. That still blows my mind because I thought the same thing that Michelle wrote (you end up in a hotel room, on a night when I was not home, and it just happened?).
I, too was LD. I never realized how much it hurt my H. I realize that now and am appalled at myself. But I've past all that. I decided I didn't want to be that person anymore.
Legna, you are just validating all the affairs anyone has ever had. Please do'nt post that nonsense here. Fantasizing about having sex with someone else isn't giong to solve your marital problems. Don't call or suggest dinner...did you even READ the article Michele wrote at ALL? Michele made it quite plain that "just dinner" is how all this BS starts!
I will feel nothing but shame for you if you go that route any further.
After re-reading my post I guess I can see why you wrote what you wrote, using pronouns when talking about different people can be confusing. The "he" that I couldn't stop thinkng about having dinner with was my husband, the one I emailed(lousy since I'm trying to be dark or at least gray) was my husband. The one I never got a reply from, despite the fact that I emailed him two hours before he left work and got no response was my husband. What I apparently did a lousy job of saying was that I had all of these thoughts about a friend of mine and I know that it's just really missing my husband that makes me feel that way. I decided almost before my husband actually moved out that I don't want somebody else, I made a promise and even if he can't quite seem to remember what it is he promised, I will still keep my promise, despite the fact that I have an empty house and an empty bed and a very lonely heart, I'm not only not planning to "stray", but I am not "going" to stray.
Originally Posted By: legna
Not the right thing to do if I have any desire to save my M, of course the only thing I can think about is that I want to see H, get him to go out for dinner with me, have a good time, be friends, I think that would quench my silly "wants" as far as the man across the street goes.
I was certainly NOT validating anyone's affairs, maybe being a little too much revealing with my thoughts, but I guess I thought this would be a safe place to talk about feeling confused and lonely and wanting things to be different and going through what is certainly the hardest thing I've ever had to go through.
I'm sorry if what I wrote was offensive to anyone.
Legna, I read your post and it struck me because you seem so nice and earnest, yet strong at the same time. and I could just really relate to you and your sich. I read your original posts. My H and i are together but it hasen't seemed like we're together in a long time. Anyway, i just wanted to wish you the best. You sound like a Very Strong woman, and i know you can get through it! You are inspiring to me LetGo
