Back from a very busy, exhausting, HOT weekend! Graduation was really nice! Long but nice, we decided to go to the morning ceremony as well so that meant getting up at my sisters at 5:00 am to drive to my brothers, where we all got into a 15 person van we rented for the drive to L.A. Longg day, and it was 103! really odd heat wave in May, which made it a tad uncomfortable.
The actual commencment for Rys PoSci class was at the Shrine auditorium, where it was nice and cool and quite appropriate for what was to come next, as that is where they use to have the acedemy awards and I was to put on a Best Actress role.
No sooner had we walked outside from the ceremony ,I am standing there looking for my S, as I got a tap on the shoulder--- turn around and sure enough..... theres ex. ugggh ok so put on the smile face, Hiiiiiiii I asked if he had seen Ry and He said yes, but how about a hug?
NOT what i wanted to do w/ my folks there, who just cant get over their disgust for him, but I had to play nice as there was my son! Had not seen ex in about a year- boy he has gotten grey! and thin--- If that wasnt bad enough----- he turns around and as natrual and matter of factly as can be,,,,there she is, in front of me,,HER He said , Karen, this is L----- she held out her hand and said HIIIII nice to meet you, I managed a friendly Hi and shook her hand, couldnt say 'nice to meet you" tho,couldnt do it,
I turned around to introduce B to ex and they had already started their niceties. THEN my B, BIL and SIL shook ex hand --- um okkk
My parents wouldnt even so much as look his way nor would my lil sister or niece- I know whos gonna be IN MY will! LOL
Anyway I just wanted to get away from them, Ex said if your going over to the reception area, can WE borrow Ry now so WE can take pics. I said of course! and walked away---
Of course my SIL came over and said,karen would you go over and take a pic w/ your S and ex, i know its hard but you can do it, for Ry,,,so I did. smiled and then again walked away to be w/ B and my family---
I just wanted that surreal part to be over and get back to having fun w/ my family, I didnt even say goodbye to ex, just left it at that. I was friendly but not overly- It was just very awkward for me.
When we were driving home and I had time to think back about it I was confused w/ my feelings, not about my ex, but about this woman w/ MY son, why is SHE at MY kids grad?? why would SHE have pics taken w/ MY son?? she didnt raise him, she didnt even meet him till he was 20! I hated the thought she was trying to butt into his life, she can have my ex, but I'll be damned if she gets my S too!
Wish I could process why I am having these weird feelings 6 yrs later, maybe cause I have never seen or met her before and I know the first time is hard. Even is she wasnt the OW, I dont want her taking my place anymore, she did w/ my ex, She best not w/ my S. \ On a catty note lol I was pleasantly surprised ! I was imagining her this Barbie Doll beauty, and I'd really feel old and frumpy, i told the girls I was expecting Jennifer Aniston and got Jodi Foster at best, with big hips!! lol a rather plainer woman, w/ buggy eyes, ok there I said it, Im a B**** I know but it did make me feel better lol
Ok got that over. The rest of the day besides I swore I got heat stroke walking back to campus! was great, had a nice party at my B after. And the rest of the weekend at the D.land hotel was great!!
oh Barb, because of a few things B and I skipped D.land and just did Downtown Disney, kinda bummed but not sad about missing walking in 103 degree heat in the crowds!
Ok so WHY am I feeling a bit of a slap in the face that woman was there??
_________________________ Be Happy for this Moment, This Moment is your Life
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Be Happy for this Moment, This Moment is your Life
Yuk, ugh, blah, and ugh some more. Memories of seeing my x at a family wedding not long ago with the two new small children and hugs from the family to the new wife, Not fun. But a turning point K, another one. Wonder
I have come to the concusion, there are two camps, those who say, " thats life, move on get over it, bygones" and those , like us who were effected so deeply who just do not understand why its so ok.
Either way, I suppose we cant dwell on whats right or wrong and just go on
Be Happy for this Moment, This Moment is your Life
Hi Karen, Boy can I ever identify with what you’re saying right now. My EX has a new “wonderful” bf and I’ve been dealing with some of the same thoughts of feeling replaced. I guess one benefit has been that EX has been very quiet lately, evidently OM is keeping her occupied. I am not looking forward to seeing them together but in this small community I suppose it’s inevitable. I really don’t know how I would react to an encounter right now, and if he was anywhere near my son… I just don’t know, probably not good. I think you handled the situation very well. P.S. You can send some of that heat up here, we had frost on the ground again this morning.
ALL
"Life may not be the party we hoped for... but while we are here we might as well dance!"
I have come to the conclusion, there are two camps, those who say, " thats life, move on get over it, bygones" and those, like us who were effected so deeply who just do not understand why its so ok.
I do not know how many camps there really are but I think you are more in the camp that I am in than you believe, the one that believes "All things work together for good for those who love God..."
Yes, we were in a lot of pain and when we see the reminder of that pain face to face, it digs at the wound. BUT, your life (my life) becomes more of a life that we were meant to have. More joy, peace and other good things we were not going to attain and maintain with our X's.
Some things still pains me regularly. While I was gone, my parents missed my son's 8th grade sports banquet (where he won virtually all the major awards) because my dad is holding a grudge against X and Mr. X. I was sad they did not go, it is there choice but a choice they would not have had to make if not for the betrayal.
Karen, love is a choice and forgiveness is a harder choice, a daily decision. You went above and beyond the call of duty out of your love for your son, you done good. Your feelings are natural. Maybe in time you can force yourself to remain in a forgiveness mode when the temptation to allow the hurt to rise up and fester. (Easier said than done, I know )
For me, the resentment will pop up but when I reject it for the evil jab it is, a provocation from the enemy, the deceiver, the one who tells me "you have every right to harbor, nurture and cultivate these feelings" then I am freed to go and enjoy myself whatever I happen to be doing. I typically fight this battle at times of special occasions, awards ceremonies etc. my upcoming son's upcoming 8th grade graduation being the next occasion.
I am not 100% there and may never be but I participate in these events with a clear conscience and enjoy the heck out of them once I take those negative impulses and hurts captive. Of course, it is the Lord that does this through me. Bless you my dear friend.
Committed2Him- "C2H" All Things (Back from Spain!)...18
hey hon, I totally get you, as I'm contemplating, with much chagrin, that ow might be in my kids' lives, I get you hon, I'd feel like that too.
Then again, she didnt' show up there with a leopard vynil outfit and made an @rse out of herself and embarrassed all, so, thank heavens for little favors : )
Boy am I jealous! you went to disney !!
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
Just wanted to stop by and remind you that your feelings about the sitch were totally normal. Probably a pretty typical response from all of us. ANd you handled yourself so beautifully and processed everything and are AMAZING...
Karen, I think you did a wonderful job and conducted yourself with dignity and grace. Well done-this was so hard. ps how many fingers did you manage to break with the handshake? I know I confess to a vengeful streak at times.
I think you did an awesome job. I do not know how many people could have pulled that off as nicely as you did.
Personally, I ALWAYS love hearing stories like this. It is great to hear of how people have "moved on" without their spouse who blazed off in one way or another. I agree with the old saying, "Living life to the fullest is the best revenge." I think you showing up, acting as you did and having another man in your life speaks volumes to your exH.
Take Care,
NMD
"Chains do not hold a marriage together. It is threads, hundreds of tiny threads which sew people together through the years. That is what makes a marriage last --more than passion or even sex!" - Simone Signoret
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